Let Slip The Dolphins Of War

On this 'Animal World Day' the US military has unveiled their new weapon in the fight against terror and all things scary.
If Al Qaeda or Iran were ever to form a navy of some kind they will have to face Donnie the Dolphin.

Guided by remote control to an internal transmitter inside Donnie he can be given commands such as seek out enemy ships and leap out of the water killing enemy combatants with a powerful fin mounted laser.

Dolphins are thought to be very intelligent though not so intelligent as to swim off to freedom.

General Platayus said: " We have given these fish 3 squares a day and a porpoise in life. These animals have been given the chance that dogs, horses, chimps and even pigeons have been given, to serve my country and maybe die for it if lucky ."

Rats With Wings Are A Real Head-Ache

In Seattle a pigeon carries on as if normal despite the metal dart piercing its head.

'People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' is offering a $2,000 reward for information on whoever has been shooting downtown pigeons with blow guns.

They did not say what is considered ethical to shoot at pigeons with.

Throwaway Culture

India is full of tossers, baby tossers. The small town of Solapur, Maharashtra, India, they have a religious tradition of chucking infants from tall towers to give thanks to God.

"It's our family tradition and so we follow it" a fanatical devotee said.
God must enjoy it as there have been no casualties so far.

“Such bizarre primitive rituals should be banned and the state government should intervene. Such practices are a challenge to our sensibilities and the basic concept of common well-being,” President of Rationalist International Sanal Edamaruku said.

It is thought that the expression 'bouncing baby boy' came from this practice as boy babies bounce better than girl babies. The more bounces the more blessed the child is.

No Such Thing As A Free Tibet

In a twist of irony police in southern China raided a factory manufacturing Free Tibet flags. The factory in Guangdong had been completing overseas orders for the flag of the Tibetan government-in-exile.

Workers said they thought they were just making cheap, colourful, poor quality flags and did not realise their meaning.

When some of them saw their flags on TV being used in protests the not too bright patriotic workers put themselves out of a job and alerted the police.

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Global Warming Ate My Hamster

The inventor of the Internet and presidential election loser Al Gore never mentioned this in his film 'An Inconsistent Truth' about a strange consequence of the climate change caused by Global Warming that has been more executions of witches.

Every piece of unseasonable weather or high temperature has people saying News speak words like 'Global warming, Carbon Footprint or Carbon off-set' but the indirect social and political impact in poor countries is not just mild winters and early springs but include upheavals and civil wars and even more witches hacked to death with machetes.

In rural Tanzania, murders of elderly women accused of witchcraft are a very common form of homicide. And when Tanzania suffers unusual rainfall like drought or flooding witch-killings double, according to a study by Edward Miguel, an economist at the University of California, Berkeley.

“In bad years, the killings explode,” Professor Miguel said. He believes that if climate change causes more drought years in Tanzania, the result will be more elderly women executed there and in other poor countries that still commonly attack these vile evil drought causing witches.

The European witch-burnings between 1520 and 1770 may also have resulted from climate variations and the resulting crop failures, economic distress and search for scapegoats.

Emily Oster, a University of Chicago economist, tracked witch hunts and weather in Western Europe during those times and found a close correlation: colder weather led to more crackdowns on witches.

In particular, Europe’s “little ice age” led to a sharp cooling in the late 1500s, and that corresponds to a renewal in witchcraft trials after a long lull. And there’s also micro-evidence: in one area, a brutally cold May in 1626 led outraged peasants to call for punishment of witches thought responsible.

There is abundant evidence that economic stress and crop failures as climate scientists anticipate in poor countries can lead to violence and upheavals unlike all the rest of the time when countries in Africa and the Middle East are always at peace.

In the United States, for example, some historians have found correlations between recessions or declines in farm values and increased lynchings of blacks and during warmer periods hemorrhoids itch more which causes agitation and short tempers.

Ethnic conflict in Darfur was exacerbated by drought and competition for water, and some experts see it as the first war caused by climate change, nothing to do with religious ethnic cleansing carried out by the militia of the Sudanese government of course.

These climate scientists seem to think like Global Warming itself violence and civil war is new to the poor countries of the world. David Livingstone the fine Scottish missionary once described Africa as 'the open sore of the world' that was in the 1800's long before the Liberian warlords, the child soldiers of the Congo and Robert Mugabe who runs his country into the ground at the bidding of the communists.

Witches turned my cow's milk sour and my blog bitter I see nothing wrong with killing them.The more powerful male witches who are called Warlocks are not mentioned. I wouldn't be surprised if they caused Global Warming itself to eliminate the competition.

In a shocking study carried out by OBB News it was found that 98% of Climate Scientists are a afraid to get real jobs.

30 years ago it was an Ice-Age predicted and now its the whole planet heating up, its funny that during these times of world scares Climate Scientists get more funding and job security.

Life On Screen But Who Cares?

The 40-year-old Different Strokes actor Gary Coleman and his 22-year-old wife, Shannon Price, are set to appear on TV's "Divorce Court" in May . The couple wed in August and was reported about on this very News Blog.

Coleman has anger and intimacy issues."If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does," Price says.

Maybe comparing a midget to a 5 year-old isn't the best way to get on his good side.

"He like stomps the floor and yells, 'Meehhhh,' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too.

"Coleman said, " what'chu talkin' 'bout, woman?"

"When I try to state my case or explain things to her or try to get her to understand my point of view," Coleman says, "my point of view doesn't matter."

Maybe she is too tall to see your point of view.

Price also complains that Coleman has no friends and can't help her move up in her career and disappears from home in the middle of the night.

"I don't have any friends and don't have any intention of making any," he says. "People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about me behind your back, steal from you. And they're not really your friends. (They're) only there because you're a celebrity or because they want to get something from you.

"Coleman went on to describe the couple's private life as "mediocre."

"It's not her fault," he says. "I always feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders every day I get up. ... There are days I don't even want to get up."

OBB News doesn't really think people will mind if he doesn't get up he can only get up to 4 ft 8 inches anyway.

Its amazing the lengths some celebrities will go to so they can stay in the limelight after their career has gone.

Big Bird Means Bigger Portions

Scientists in Arizona have gene spliced the DNA of an Ostrich with that of a Rooster.

Farmer Rusty Hardwood has been comically nicknamed " The man with the biggest cock in the state."

It is hoped that the Rooster will mate with Ostriches to produce a Chickich off-spring. This could revolutionise poultry farming all over the world.

On The Edge

Police were called after a rambler snapped the Mitsubishi - because there were concerns someone was still in it.

Sandra Uttley, who was out walking her dog, said: "I spotted the car and I noticed it still had its engine running.

"I was worried there could be someone sat in the car as the area has been the site of some suicides in the past.

"I tried to climb down but quickly realised it wasn't a good idea so I came back and called the police so they could risk their lives instead.

"It looked like the car may have just been left to roll down to where it ended up."

The car had been stolen from Hinderwell, near Whitby, on March 11 and it's unclear whether the thieves drove it down the steep bank or pushed it hoping it would fall off the edge.

Police recovered the car and have been carrying out forensic tests. No arrests have been made over the theft.

Another near drop happened in California near San Diego. Sam Watersby lost control of his truck while driving along Rock canyon pass. He managed to stop it before it went over a 100 foot drop: " I don't believe in God but I sure believe that someone was looking out for me" he said.

Mr Watersby was killed in a hit and run a week later while running for a bus , his guardian angel must of been on a break.

Catchy Tune To Catch New Souls

Yet another PR stunt from the failing Catholic church. To take people's minds of the strict outdated dogma that decides divorcees are worse than murderers.

The numerous worldwide pedophilia charges and subsequent cover ups.

Before was their gimmick was a stellar calendar idea that had young priests telling about their interesting hobbies to encourage people into the priesthood.

Now three Catholic priests from Northern Ireland are getting ready to take the music world by storm after signing a £1m record deal.

Father Eugene O'Hagen, 48, his brother Martin, 45, and David Delargy, 44, all have parishes in the diocese of Down and Connor.

Known as The Priests which says it all really , signed the deal with music giant Sony BMG at London's Westminster Cathedral.

Any money the priests make from the group will be given to charity. I bet its not a Protestant charity.

The group have a special exemption in their contract, which allows them to break off from promotional duties to deal with parish work such as presiding over funerals and teaching children the love of God.

Fr Eugene said that what had happened may be "God's design".

He said that the money that the priests make will go to various charities but "we haven't decided which I like children's charities myself I'm always one to give a child a hand".

"There is a real feeling of excitement and apprehension," he said. Fr Martin said that it was important that the record deal still allowed the men to carry out their parish duties.

"Our work means a great deal to us it beats real jobs," he said.

"We are priests first and foremost just thinking about my work gets me up in the mornings. Our work will be at the heart of our plans and the butt of many a joke ."

Fr David added: "Singing is very much what we do.

"This is bringing it to a wider audience. We are singing sacred music, continuing what we have always been doing."

Fr Eugene said the group's musical tastes were influenced by their religion
"We have very Catholic tastes," he said, adding that he liked Death Metal and Speed Metal.

However, Fr David said his musical taste was slightly more eclectic

"My first ever purchase was Snap - Rhythm is a dancer," he said.

The priests all attended The Seminary in Belfast and concluded their training at the Irish College in Rome, before returning to work in Northern Ireland.

Last year, they just happened to be were heard singing by an Irish pop musician who asked them to make a demo which he took to Sony BMG.

Nick Raphael, managing director of Epic Records, part of Sony BMG, negotiated the signing.

"Their voices are incredible," he said. "I think we've found three uncool middle-aged pop stars, perfect for the Irish market.

"They're going to be wonderful global superstars. The reaction has been incredible, throbbing, huge.

"The quality of their singing is quite scary we just need to get them to thrust their crotches more."

The priests' forthcoming record, which they said is as yet un-named, is planned for release around November time.

Some songs to look forward to are: Our Little Secret, On Your Knees For God's Sake , If This Is A Sin Then Why Do I Feel So Good? and Offer It Up.

Lets not forget Father Michael Cleary also known as 'The Singing Priest' who died in 1993 well-known for his devout Catholic views on sex, divorce and abortion.
And his book about maintaining faith in the modern world.

His housekeeper, Phyllis Hamilton, was his live in lover and mother of his child. Well at least he liked women.




Complaints about this story and any legal letters should go to KnudsenLOL666@yahoo.co.uk

Death Of A Career And Taxes

Ocala Florida Wesley Snipes was sentenced for a maximum three-years in prison for evading taxes. He wrote the government three checks for $5 million and that still didn't save him.

U.S. Attorney Robert O'Neill told reporters outside the usually quiet central Florida courthouse. "Rich, poor, good actor or in this case bad actor it doesn't matter. We all pay our taxes."

Snipes read aloud from a prepared apology, calling his actions "costly mistakes" He said he was the victim of crooked advisers, a liability of wealth and celebrity that attract "wolves and jackals like flies are attracted to meat.""I am an idealistic, naive, passionate, truth-seeking, spiritually motivated artist, unschooled in the science of law and finance," Snipes said.

Consider this karma for slapping Halle Berry around and making bad movies.

Who Knew Hitler Was A Real Doll ?

An action-man/GI Joe style doll of Nazi leader Adolf Hitler has gone on sale in the Ukraine, with saleswomen comparing the doll to Barbie . We wonder if they mean Klaus Barbie the chief of the Gestapo.

Supermarkets in the capital Kiev are stocking the 9 inch fuhrer which is smaller than other action figures, complete with jackboots, leather trench-coat and swastika armband.

The £100 figure has a spare head "with a kind expression on it," glasses and several changes of clothes.

It comes in a presentation box with the dates of Hitler's birth and death on it.

There are reports of increasing xenophobia and racism, and of some extremists supporting racism similar to that of Nazi Germany under Hitler and a time of growing right-wing political sentiment in Ukraine.

Critics believe a cult of Hitler could spring up among disaffected youths, too young to remember the ravages Nazism wreaked on the country.

Although Ukranian laws prohibit any form of fascism or propaganda, the dolls are already on sale and will be mass marketed this summer along with an animated cartoon 'Hitler and the masters of the Universe.'

One saleswoman said: "It is like Barbie. Kids can undress fuhrer, pin on medals and there's a spare head in the kit to give him a kinder expression on his face because a smiling egomaniac mass murdering vegetarian junkie is much more appealing to children .

"He has glasses that are round, in the manner of pacifist Jon Lennon". What a great comparison.

The doll will also come with accessories like a miniature Blondi, Hitler's faithful Alsatian who died alongside the Nazi in his bunker in Berlin in 1945.
No one mentions that Hitler himself tested his cyanide on the animal before he took his.

According to the saleswoman, should the demand be high, manufacturers will go further and launch a series of themed Third Reich toys, including interiors of Hitler's chancellery, toy concentration camps with barbed wire, barracks and operating models of gas chambers and crematoriums.

If you aren't sure what to get your children this year for Christmas the Hitler doll is a great idea. Its also lucky that Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

Zombie Winehouse

She may have talent, a substance abuse problem and a face for radio. Amy Winehouse is thought by top experts to have turned into a zombie.

Winehouse was bitten by her husband Blake Fielder-Civil a rage infected primate while she visited him in prison where he is serving time for perverting the course of justice by trying to bribe his way out of an assault charge.

The once functioning performer now shuffles about listlessly and grunts and claws at the paparazzi, the only shred of her former life she remembers is drinking and smoking.

If she exchanges body fluids with someone else they may also become infected. It is not known at this time how this will effect her music career.

Drunk Vader Pounds The Nerdi Knights

Barney Jones 26, aka Jonba Hehol, and his brother Daniel Jones, 21, aka Morda Hehol, have formed the first Jedi 'church' - in Holyhead

Barney Jones and cousin Michael are members of the Jedi church in Holyhead, Wales in honour of the Star Wars' knights.

It has about 30 members locally and "thousands worldwide".

The cousins had been filming themselves playing with light sabres in the garden.
Suddenly a man jumped over the garden wall wearing the bin bag shouting, "Darth Vader!"

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, from Holyhead was under the bin bag and very intoxicated, he wielded a metal crutch and hit Barney Jones over the head , leaving him with a headache and a bad boo boo.
He then laughed and hit Michael Jones in the thigh, causing bruising and severe soiling of trousers.

Both grown men who still live with their mothers were left upset by the incident and they believed it was pre-planned.

When Hughes was charged with assault and failed to turn up at the court on time District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: "I hope the force will soon be with him."

Hughes turned up and the case at Holyhead magistrates court resumed.

Prosectutor Nia Lloyd said that the pair who will die virgins believe "very strongly in the church and their religion and one day the Millennium Falcon shall beam them up and save them at the end of the world."

The court heard that Hughes has a "chronic alcohol problem" and had drunk the best part of a 10 litre box of wine and that the two dorks were asking for it.

The court heard Hughes had previous convictions, including affray, assault and disorderly behaviour with a Romulan Warbird which was brutally plucked in the Wookie.

The trial will continue in May, if Hughes is sentenced he may be sent to the Klingon penal colony of Rura Penthe.

Unpaid Builder Unbuilds

Anita Dovey who had ideas above her station asked for permission from the West Sussex council to make improvements to her rented council house.

She employed builder Nigel Gray,44, to build a porch and conservatory, worth £15,000.

"We just kept on getting a string of excuses and bounced cheques and no payment was made ." said Mr Gray

So he used a sledgehammer to break up the porch from Anita Dovey's home, removed the conservatory one window at a time and removed the French doors.

"I'm absolutely gutted to have had to do this because it was such fantastic handiwork but I could not just let this go,"

"It has been very stressful on my partner and family who have also had to deal with it all."

He estimated that the building work, legal fees, bank charges and lost work cost him about £22,000.

A spokesman for Adur District Council said: "Council tenants are allowed to make improvements to their home.
Unfortunately in this case this private agreement has gone wrong. "

"Mrs Dovey will be billed the cost of putting the property back to its original state lets hope she pays this time."

Mrs Dovey declined to comment but we suggest that her next builder asks to be paid up front.

One Of Our Priests Is Missing

Sao Paulo, Brazil Searchers scanned the waters off Brazil's southern Atlantic coast for a Roman Catholic priest who disappeared after floating into the sky under hundreds of helium party balloons as they are prone to do.

Rescuers in helicopters and small fishing boats spent a second day seeking signs of the Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli . He lifted off from the port city of Paranagua, wearing a helmet, thermal suit and a parachute. All that equipment, what ever happened to faith?

After eight hours authorities later saw pieces of balloons floating in the sea off the coast of Santa Catarina state close to where Carli last made contact. It is unclear how this will effect the local wildlife who can be harmed by swallowing deflated balloons.

"We have no reason at this point to believe he is not still alive. He may be floating in the ocean, on some isolated beach or on land somewhere or even beamed aboard a spaceship," said Paulo Eduardo Neves, a commander of one of the fire departments supposed to be searching for Carli.

The priest was trying to break a 19-hour record for the most hours flying with balloons and to force a rapture from God also to fund a spiritual rest stop for truckers in Paranagua, home to Brazil's largest grain port.

Brazilian truckers often spend days waiting to unload in the port, especially during the busy soy export season now under way and a place where they can meet young boys and prostitutes and get all down and spiritual which might be nice for them and lucrative for the church.

Parishioners were maintaining a vigil for Carli, confident that he would be found.

A video of Carli posted on Globo TV's G1 Web site showed the smiling 41-year-old priest slipping into a flight suit and being strapped to a seat attached to a huge cluster of green, red, white and yellow balloons. He then soared into the air to cheers from a crowd.

The priest at one point soared to an altitude of 20,000 feet (6,000 meters). He planned to fly to the city of Dourados, 465 miles (750 kilometers) northwest of his parish, but was blown in another direction. He was located about 30 miles (50 kilometers) off the coast when he last contacted Paranagua's port authority. God it seems had other plans.

Carli reportedly had a GPS device, a satellite phone, a buoyant chair and is an experienced skydiver as most priests are .

Seas were calm in the area where Carli disappeared, and the ocean's temperature was a mild 20 degrees Celsius (68 degrees Fahrenheit), rescue leader Neves said.

"Depending on his physical fitness and how badly, if at all, he was injured, he could probably survive in the water for at least five days, maybe a bit more," Neves said unrealistically and optimistically.

At This Time 37 Years Ago

Don't Cry For Me Little Green Men

In Valcheta, Rio Negro Province, between Bajos del Gualicho and Somuncurá just across from Wal-Mart , there are those who claim to have seen an inexplicable light in the desert, belonging to a lost city that emerges and vanishes, according to Luis Burgos director of the Fundacion Argentina de Ovnilogia (FAO) .

The vast number of UFO cases recorded in Argentina, totaling 110 sightings since the start of the year, other ET related phenomena which include, strange characters that vanish and evaporate in the loneliness of the towns of the interior.

Ufological studies of these mysterious manifestations of “strange people”, as defined by the strange locals who experience them, suggest that these fantastic manifestations of the UFO phenomenon are closely tied to the latest extraterrestrial developments.

It sounds similar to the city that Steve Fossett was thought to have found in the 4th dimension that was also out in the desert or the disappearing Scottish village of Brigadoon that is said to only appear for one day every 100 years.

Of course these manifestations in Argentina , always occur at lonely locations with few well educated witnesses who have even seen a plane in their life time.

The 110 sightings catalogued by FAO in 2008 stress the possibility that fantastic experiences may occur or that a lot of drugs are used in Argentina which may explain the 1982 war against the UK.

Disrespecting The Dead Can Be Quite Costly

When Catherine McGuigan from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire began digging an extension in her cottage, she thought she had budgeted for every contingency.

Workmen found what they thought was an old pipe which turned out to be ten skeletons buried under her dining room.

Miss McGuigan,42, who had moved out of the cottage during the building work, called police and within minutes her cottage was cordoned off for a forensic search of the hole beneath her dining room.

She now faces a £30,000 bill to give them another resting place as no one else will take responsibility for the bodies.

It is thought up to 40 more bodies could be buried at the cottage on the site of Quaker burial ground from the 1700s.

The Ministry of Justice, the Government body that has responsibility for burial law and practice, told her it was an offence to "offer indignities to the remains of the dead" and warned of health and safety rules.

Miss McGuigan has now ordered coffins from an undertaker and is looking into arrangements for a mass cremation or a burial in a nearby field.

"The undertaker has quoted me £800 per body," she says.

"When it was just a couple of bodies this was fine we all had a good laugh about it. But now I am very concerned that if, as expected, I find 40 bodies, I could be facing a bill of some £32,000."

However the caring and over sensitive IT specialist plans to carry on with her £150,000 extension, which includes a gym, cinema and a shagatorian .

"It's been a very happy home and I've done too much work to let a load of dead bodies stop me now," she says.

Research at a local library has revealed the cottage was built over an old Quaker meeting house.

Because the worshippers were non-conformists and as the society of friends isn't a real religion they were not allowed to bury their dead in church graveyards, so they used the garden instead much like serial killers would.

It is thought that the Quaker meeting house and grave yard was also built over an old Indian burial ground full of old indians.

Neighbour Watch Out For Jokers

In Dubuque, Iowa a couple of well known pranksters Rick and Marilyn Jones left town for a wedding, neighbours seeking payback decided to give them the message "fork you."

Tom and Paula Tschudi planted 3,000 white plastic forks in the Jones' yard and dangled more from the roof, fence and garage."We just wanted to do something funny to them, because every time we leave, they pull some prank on us," said hilariously funny Paula Tschudi, who promised to help pick up the forks.

Over the years, the Joneses have strung beer cans like holiday lights around the Tschudis' home, put a for-sale sign in their yard and strung yellow crime-scene tape around chalk outlines of bodies on the sidewalk buried a dead horse in their lawn and sold one of their children to Arab slavers.

The Tschudis, their remaining two children and another neighborhood family planted the forks , one passer-by asked what they were doing.
"We told him we were aerating their lawn," Paula Tschudi said with a hearty laugh.

OBB News who likes a jest or two also went through the Jones' house and wiped all of their video tapes including their wedding set, stole their DVDs and put pinpricks in the condoms kept in the table beside their bed, now thats comedy.

Moby Wants To Be Speared

New York DJ and pop star Moby proclaims his love and obsession for train-wreck pop icon Britney Spears, he told OBB News:

"The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, and the more I love her ... I would marry her in a heartbeat."

Fat weird women everywhere have been given new hope, Moby may not look like much but he is called Moby after Moby Dick the great white sperm whale and has a love of harpooning.

No Surrender Mr Putin

The Moscow newspaper which claimed Vladimir Putin had secretly divorced and planned to marry a gymnast has been shut down.

Billionaire owner Alexander Lebedev, a former KGB agent, pulled the plug on Moscow Korrespondent hours after the Russian president issued an angry denial of the report about former Olympic gymnast and nude model Alina Kabaeva, a member of parliament who is 31 years his junior and double jointed .

Editor Grigoriy Nekhoroshev resigned in protest and claimed the article was well sourced.

Before being suspended, the paper issued an apology, yet deputy editor Igor Dudinsky declared: "We stand by our story."
OBB News was also asked to shut down by the Kremlin for reporting this story and even though one of our reporters and the lady who makes the tea have just died in strange circumstances I refuse to be strong armed into submission.

Kill as many of my people as you want you don't scare Old Knudsen Mr Putin for I am blogging from a safe location out of harms way.

Harmful Weapons Recalled

China has suffered yet another embarrassing recall to it's export trade.The Chinese vessel, An Yue Jiang, was docked at the South African port with weapons ordered by Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe just days after the presidential elections.

It is thought he wanted them to ensure safe democracy and an all out win for his party.

The thousands of bullets sent over are thought to contain dangerous amounts of lead and the mortar shells have toxic traces of the date rape drug GHB and could be fatal if ingested by a child.

Dockers in South African port of Durban won't unload the 77 tons of mortars, ammunition and rocket-propelled grenades and other weapons and the ship had to leave.

Earlier this week, Chinese troops were seen on the streets of Zimbabwe's third largest city Mutare probably to collect the earlier shipments of harmful weapons .

At least two child soldiers in Zimbabwe were hospitalised with lead poisoning after licking the paint on their AK-47's.

84-year-old Mugabe was speaking out in public and launched a typical tirade against Britain in his first major speech since the elections.

Mugabe told 15,000 cheering supporters in a fiery address to mark independence day: "Down with the British. Down with thieves who want to steal our country."

In a stream of insults against Britain that called Gordon Brown 'fat and ugly' the people 'chavs and chavettes ' and the food 'horrible' which is more true than insulting, Mugabe added: "Today they are like thieves fronting their lackeys among us, which they give money to confuse our people."

Oxfam and save the Children insist they are trying to give food and medical aid to the people that Mugabe is killing and starving and the only confusing thing is the exchange rate, 25 million dollars = 62p which is the cost of a loaf of bread and more than most make in a week.

Mugabe, in power since independence in 1980, repeated the line that London was the real enemy and called on the king of England 'Big Ben' to surrender to Zimbabwe or face the might of his taunting.

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said: " Its terrible when everything resorts to insults, I may be fat and ugly but I can diet and have plastic surgery. Mr Mugabe will always be stupid."


Mr Brown added: "The UK really really doesn't want Zimbabwe, in fact we don't even want Northern Ireland and they are almost civilised and right next door."

Germany Invades The Nostrils Of England

In the south of England many people thought that a terrible smell in the air was good enough reason to call 999 and ask the emergency services what the smell was.

Police, fire and water services were at a loss to explain the manure-scented cloud which afflicted great areas of the South.

One American tourist with the 10 gallon cowboy hat on was quick to point out that everything was so small and quaint and that the smell came from the bad English food and that the English are full of s**t.

Soon it became apparent that it was the Germans up to their old tricks no doubt. This might be enough to force us to surrender this time.

Over in rural Germany it is muck-spreading season for farmers wanting to nourish their crops.

In a country where pigs make up most of the livestock and a large part of the sex film industry, there is ample supply of particularly pungent muck to spread.

German weathermen admitted that a change of wind direction had sent the smell, or "der gestank" as they call it, across the North Sea just as the stuff in the fields ripened to stomach-churning levels.

The smell lingered over Windsor Castle just as the Luftwaffe did in the 1940's.

The Queen was home but there has been no complaints from her majesty so far. God has saved the Queen from the Germans yet again.

The south-westerlies bringing clean, unscented air from the Atlantic. But the switch to the east means it has swept across large tracts of Continental agricultural land before reaching British shores.

Air quality expert Geoff Dollard said no unusual pollutants had been detected. "The feeling is that it's natural the organic smell that anyone living in the country will be quite familiar with ," he said.

Hauke Jaacks, a farmer in Rissen, sprayed more than 5,000 gallons of manure onto his 25-acre plot.

"Sorry about the smell," he told his countrymen. "But you have to put up with it. I need the grass to grow to feed my cattle."

At the German Embassy in London nobody was willing to apologise for the smell. Staff had not noticed anything unusual in the air as being German they are probably used to it and pointed out if anyone was looking for another country to blame, the smelly cheese eating French are much nearer.

Riverside UFOs Make Another Visit

According to Riverside County Sheriff William De Atley , the dispatch center received numerous calls from individuals at approximately 3.30 p.m. Wednesday reporting a possible UFO. County deputies on duty that day reportedly observed the object. Almost 2 months since an object was seen in the same vicinity.

Edwin Beur amateur UFOlogist has gone out of his way to drive past the intersection ever since reading about the object in February says: " It initially appeared yellow, and was dipping very low and moved very fast, heading back and forth across the road.

Then it was joined by two smaller lights that's whizzed around. I've been lucky and seem to be in the right place at the right time, maybe I attract them now I carry a camera.

Cars were backed up behind me the ones that didn't see it were honking their horns, me I was out the door of my cab trying to get off as many shots as I could.

"By the way it moved, having no sound, and the way it looked, I knew it was not from this planet," said Edwin Beur amateur UFOlogist . "It was a amazing yet scary then it just slid quickly into the distance ."

Close up of the object

Mr Beur contacted the Riverside Bulletin who he thought should have been more impressed but only ended up with a small blurb.

The question is why this intersection and during the day? The objects 2 months ago are nothing like the ones now, is there intelligence behind this or some kind of natural phenomenon particular to the area ? This skeptic will still be watching the skies.

Out With The Old

You could describe Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, as being mean, ruthless, paranoid, aggressive, ambitious and funny looking but stupid he is not.

Mr Putin who has recently split with his 50 year-old wife Ludmilla is preparing to marry 24-year-old, Alina Kabaeva a gymnast with a penchant for posing semi-naked. She is said to be blessed with 'extreme flexibility' and practically unbeatable when performing 'on the carpet.'

This might go towards explaining why Mr Putin suddenly posed topless for the cameras on a Siberian fishing holiday last summer to impress his new mistress. It was a particular hit among female and gay voters.

Miss Kabaeva has been made an MP and is already the deputy head of the Duma's (Russia's lower parliament) committee on youth affairs.

Known as Putinskie Krasotki - 'Putin's Babes' she was one of a number of young and beautiful Russian dancers and athletes brought into politics with the aim of 'sexing up' his United Russia party.

Ludmilla Putin's talents lie with her tongue, she is cunning in linguistics. She has a degree in Spanish, can speak French and has taught German at Leningrad State University in Putin's home city of St Petersburg.

She will teach in a Gulag if the divorce does not go well.

She married him there in July 1983. At the time of the wedding, Miss Kabaeva, was only two months old.

The Putins have two daughters, Maria and Katja now aged 23 and 21.

Mr Putin will become Prime Minister and chairman of the ruling party, United Russia.

No one in Russia or elsewhere believes that by leaving the office of President he will have relinquished any of his real power and may again become President in another 4 years.

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Too Happy To Be A Hater

Jamie Bauld, 18, from Lanarkshire, Scotland has Down's Syndrome, and has been charged with racial assault after a childish argument with another mong. The girl who happens to be Asian at their special needs school irritated him, he pushed her and told her to go away and she told the teacher.

The two were sent their separate ways and their parents informed about the falling out.

Given their mental ages , it was no more significant than a playground spat between two five-year-olds. That should have been the end of it.

A notice was placed in the local newspaper it is not known by whom asking for witnesses to a "racial assault" at the college on the day in question and the police were informed.

Jamie was charged with racism and assault. A perfect example of political correctness gone mad and of a local zero-tolerance policy on racism taken to its extremes without any common sense being applied.

I have found that with political correctness everyone is too afraid to veer from the letter of the law incase they get into trouble for some stupid infraction or get called a racist themselves.

Assault people for what they do not who they are.

Jamie is sociable ,chatty and a very loving, kind person. He is so placid that he put up with a year of bullying at secondary school when he was 14.

He was punched, kicked had his clothes ripped and glasses broken but would never hit back because he thought his bullies were his friends.

He had already complained about the girl that claims she was assaulted to his mother saying that the girl kept following him, staring at him and putting her face really close to his without saying anything just breathing her foul breath that smelled like rotting fish at him. Jamie likes the ladies but this girl was a bit of a tard .

After seven months of hell and not knowing what was going to happen to Jamie the Procurator Fiscal (a public officer in Scotland who prosecutes in petty cases) sent them a letter saying he would not be proceeding with the prosecution. There was no apology.

The crown court did apologise to the family afterwards which was big or them.

A spokeswoman for Down's Syndrome Scotland is also horrified by the case and called for better handling and understanding.

She says "I've never met a mong who was racist.

This incident should have been contained within the college. It has been very badly handled."

Jamie's Mother Fiona is sure that Jamie will forget about this before she does but she still has to reassure him at night when she tucks him in that he won't be going to jail.

She is determined to speak out because she wants the people in official positions to think twice about what they are doing, and apply common sense to unique situations like these.

Good luck on that one. If it was a white mong assaulted by an Asian would people cry out 'racial assault?'

Xu The Builder Can You Fix It ?

Xu Jianguo, 35, was a builder working on a building site in Chongqing City, China when a steel rod fell from the ninth floor and struck him.

He miraculously survived after it speared him through the head and stuck in three inches into his skull. It speared through his safety helmet and into his brain.

Colleagues of Mr Jianguo heard him cry out but thought he had simply slipped and fallen until they saw the bar wedged in his head.

Firefighters had to cut the bar using industrial cutters before Jianguo could be operated on. Surgeons then performed four hours of emergency surgery to remove the bar.

Dr Li Cheng, who was on the operating team, said: "Luckily the brainstem was intact.
"Unfortunately, the bar had also smashed off part of the plastic of the hat and this had been forced into the brain so deeply that we were unable to remove it.

"We will see if there are any consequences in a few weeks, but at the moment he is talking normally and seems to have no ill effects and besides hes just a builder, its not like hes a brain surgeon or something ."

Friends Don't Let Amy Winehouse Babysit

The stresses of a music and babysitting career look to be getting to Amy Winehouse.
The 24 year-old who is recording the next Bond theme knocked back 3 shots, smoked a cigarette then snorted some white powder of a mirror.
Sources close to the singer say it was only Johnson and Johnson baby powder.

Speech Is Never Free

In Paris the French former film star Brigitte Bardot and now crazy old dog lady went on trial on for insulting Muslims, the fifth time she has faced the charge of "inciting racial hatred" over her controversial remarks about Islam and its followers.

Prosecutors asked that the Paris court hand the 73-year-old former sex symbol a two-month suspended prison sentence and fine her 15,000 euros ($23,760) for saying the Muslim community was "destroying our country and imposing its acts.

"Since retiring from the film industry in the 1970s, Bardot has become a prominent animal rights activist but she has also courted controversy by denouncing Muslim traditions and immigration from predominantly Muslim countries.

For some reason she doesn't like women being treated as possessions and having unequal protection from Islamic laws or maybe its the honour killings.

She has been fined four times for inciting racial hatred since 1997, at first 1,500 euros and most recently 5,000.Prosecutor Anne de Fontette told the court she was seeking a tougher sentence than usual, adding:

"I am a little tired of prosecuting Mrs Bardot."

Bardot did not attend the trial because she said she was physically unable to due to manicure and animal rescue commitments .

The verdict is expected in several weeks.

French anti-racist groups complained last year about comments Bardot made about the Muslim feast of Eid al-Adha in a letter to President Nicolas Sarkozy that was later published by her foundation.

Muslims traditionally mark Eid al-Adha by first raping then slaughtering a sheep or another animal to commemorate the prophet Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son on God's orders.

Sounds reasonable enough to me.

France is home to 5 million Muslims, Europe's largest Muslim community, making up 8 percent of France's population.

"I am fed up with being under the thumb of this population of sheep-slaughtering Muslims which is destroying us, destroying our country and imposing its acts," the star said.

Its been a week for foot in mouth comments.

Presidential no hoper Barack Obama said: " Americans are clinging to guns, religion and anti-immigration sentiment because they are bitter about Washington’s unfulfilled economic promises."

It seems to be the week for people's issues and hatreds to pour themselves out in public. Just because something maybe be true it doesn't mean you have to say it. Even in the so-called land of free speech you will soon find that nothing is free.

Top Player Doesn't Score

David Beckham maybe a metrosexual but hes no bender. The Palyer has become regular at NBA games in recent weeks probably to immerse himself in what little American culture there is.

The football star was caught soaking up the view from his front row seats directly in front of a team of scantily clad cheerleaders. You can't really blame him considering how rough his wife looks.

Between distractions the overpaid, overhyped player watched on as the Sacramento Kings defeated the LA Lakers 124-101.

Hallmark Moment Spoiled By Card Nazi

While shopping in a Hallmark store in Portsmouth for a wedding cake knife, imaginative Cyndi Desrosiers found a greeting card she claims is promoting sexual promiscuity to teenagers.

The message on the $2.99 Hallmark card has prompted Desrosiers to call for its removal from Seacoast store shelves and to launch an e-mail campaign urging others to do the same.

The front cover of the card features two glasses of wine held by two hands and reads, "Pardon me..." On the inside is printed, "Care for some liquid clothes remover?"

Project coordinator for the Portsmouth-based Allies in Substance Abuse Prevention, Desrosiers said she purchased one of the cards as evidence of "how desensitized we are" or maybe as how over sensitive she is, can we say ....... issues?

"Hallmark made an irresponsible decision to create this card," she said. "I have an 18-year-old daughter, and I would just die if someone gave this to her." If the daughter has her mother's shunning looks she'll need a few drinks.

Desrosiers said she first saw the card in a Dover Hallmark store in an area designated for a "Red" line of cards, from which proceeds are reportedly spent to combat AIDS in Africa.

"I find it ironic given that they're promoting sexual promiscuity," she said. "The target audience, in my opinion, is young adults."

Desrosiers said she brought the card to a store clerk, expressed her opinion "and to my surprise and pleasure," the clerk agreed, removed the cards from the sales rack and offered her a refund.

"When I refused the refund, she said she would donate it to a local charity," said Desrosiers. "She did the right thing." In the opinion of Desrosiers who likes to get her way .

The same scenario repeated itself in a Stratham store, said Desrosiers, who has since called Hallmark and asked that the card be removed from its line.

Hallmark spokesman Deidre Parkes said the card was not specifically directed toward a young couple.

Hallmark's creative team developed the card for "any number of situations," including an anniversary, or for a long-term couple, she said.

Parkes also apologized to Desrosiers or anyone who is offended by the card but really they should get a life .

"I know this is minor in the big scheme of things, but it's one way for us to have an impact on the mixed messages that are out there and the irresponsible targeting to youth," said Desrosiers. "I feel it's our responsibility as adults."

The display of commonsense is also a responsilbity.

For Desrosier's information 18 is an adult in the UK and should not need anymore coddling by over protective parents. Red wine is not the beverage of choice for young promiscuous adults and you'll find that many people have contracted aids in Africa without it.

If Hallmark did a card that said: "I'm sorry you are such a nitpicking sad-sack Ms Desrosiers would be well deserving to receive one.

The Pope Tells Of His Own Pedophilia Shame

Traveling on his first papal journey to the United States, Pope Benedict XVI had a low-key press conference aboard his Papal plane and said he was "deeply ashamed" of the problem and vowing not to employ anymore pedophiles than the ones he already has into of the priesthood.

Benedict had only begun his six-day journey when he addressed sex abuse issue, his thick German accent and mumblings were hard to follow but our intrepid reporter got the gist of his statement: " It is a great suffering for the church blah blah blah, and for me personally blah blah blah, difficult for me to understand blah blah blah, I am deeply ashamed blah blah blah, We will absolutely include pedophiles into the sacred ministry blah blah blah, many priests blah blah blah, We will do everything possible to wound blah blah blah, [insert more insincere rhetoric here] blah blah blah to these hot children."

The group known as 'The 5000' who allege Catholic clergy sex abuse and advocate for abuse victims were not impressed.

They said the problem is not just molester priests, but bishops and other church authorities who have let errant clergymen continue to serve even after repeated allegations.

"It's easy and tempting to continually focus on the pedophile priests themselves," said Peter Isely, a board member of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.

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"It's harder but crucial to focus on the broader problem - complicity in the rest of the church hierarchy and predator Bishops still at work ."

The Pope will not be meeting with any victim support groups or victims during his visit.

The American church has paid more than $2 billion in costs related to the scandal since 1950 - the majority of that in just the last six years. Maybe he considers that enough.

The Pope will meet with President Bush but pedophile priests isn't necessarily on the president's top priorities for his agenda in talking with the pope.

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The two leaders would likely discuss human rights, religious tolerance and the fight against violent extremism, and how to join forces against abortion, gay marriage and embryonic stem cell research.

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A crowd of 9,000 or more is expected at the White House to greet Benedict on his 81st birthday. Aides say he is in good health and ready to spread his love.

OBB News has not been able to contact Arthur Roche the Bishop of Leeds for a comment about the rampant pedophilia and collusion to protect and shelter former and current members of the clergy involved in pedophilia.

Marilyn Monroe Still Makes The Headlines

A 15-minute film of Marilyn Monroe engaging in oral sex with an unidentified man will be kept from public view by a New York businessman who has bought it for $1.5 million.

Memorabilia collector Keya Morgan said he recently arranged the sale of the silent, black-and-white film from the son of a dead FBI informant who possessed it to a wealthy businessman who wants to protect Monroe's privacy.

Monroe is clothed and the man's head remains out of the frame for the entire 15 minutes of the film, said Morgan, who has watched it several times.

Monroe was rumored to have had an affair with U.S. President John F. Kennedy, and Morgan said then FBI Director and cross-dresser J. Edgar Hoover, a Kennedy rival, went to great lengths to try to prove it was Kennedy in the film but how could you keep a giant head like his out of the frame?

One of Monroe's ex-husbands, the late baseball great Joe DiMaggio, once tried to buy it from the collector for $25,000 but "he would not part with it."

Morgan is a well-known collector who owns memorabilia from the estates of Monroe and DiMaggio and said he was friends with Monroe's other two husbands, Jim Dougherty and Arthur Miller.

He said he learned of the existence of the film while working on a documentary about Monroe, who died in August 1962 at age 36. A former FBI agent told him about it, and Morgan said he confirmed it by tracking down the son of the FBI informant, who had provided a copy to the FBI.

The late informant's son had the original while the copy remains classified in the FBI files, said Morgan.

"The FBI agent that I interviewed said J. Edgar Hoover was completely obsessed. A team of nine individuals were analyzing the tape inside a lab. J. Edgar Hoover brought in a few dozen prostitutes who allegedly had been with President Kennedy and they tried to ... see if that was really President Kennedy."

An FBI spokesmen declined to comment because he was only 26 years-old and had never heard of any of the people mentioned.

Friendly Fire Kills Cat

Sarah, a 14-year-old cat, was lying on a bed in the Angle family's home in New Jersey licking it's parts when a fragment of a two-pound artillery shell crashed through the roof and landed on the bed.

Sarah was severely injured and the family had to have her euthanised.

The shell was fired off from the Picatinny Arsenal, the U.S. Army's weapons research facility in Picatinny, 2.5 to 3 miles away.

"We heard the explosion, felt the concussion and a few seconds later the piece came through the roof," homeowner Fred Angle said.

The shrapnel came sailing through the air in an arc punching a hole in the roof the size of a fist, into the bedroom where 10-year-old Cassandra sleeps, luckily it was 2.30 pm and Cassandra had been picked up early for a playdate or she'd be sitting on the bed.

Base spokesman Peter Rowlands said, "We deeply regret what happened and also the effect it's had on the family, the loss of their pet, and also the damage to their home, and just the fright they experienced, normally we don't hit anything so this was a little bittersweet."

Weapons testing at the base has been suspended pending the outcome of an investigation and Army officials will be back out at the house soon to talk about compensation for the family and to take pictures for their blogs.

Weapons Of Mass Distraction

Move over Heidi Klum, Angela Merkel the Chancellor of Germany has become Germany's new hottest attraction after she revealed her impressive Hindenburgs while chatting to Norway's prime minister Jens Stoltenberg at the opening of Olso Opera House.

Mr Stoltenberg somehow maintained , diplomatic eye contact with Mrs Merkel throughout the night, very impressive.

R2-D2 Re-Boots After Illness

'Star Wars' robot R2-D2 , remains in a British hospital after experiencing chest pains on a flight from Chicago last week. His son, Kevin-D2, told OBB News that his dad was "seriously ill" when admitted but is now feeling "a lot better."

The 73-year-old robot R2-D2 , was rushed to a Manchester, England hospital after falling ill during a flight from Chicago, where he was attending a film convention.

"He's well aware of all the tech support he's received and thanks everyone for their kind regards" said Kevin-D2.

Doctors believe R2-D2's bout with a Trojan virus he caught off a Mac in Thailand last year may have had something to do with his current illness.

"The doctors said they'd done pretty much all they could do," Kenny-D2 told OBB News. "I was told he could very easily pass away in his standby mode.

"The popular robot goes to many "Star Wars" conventions and according to his son, "hates turning down any opportunity to appear." He said he'll try and get him to "slow down and recharge " when he gets well.

"He just loves going to these conventions and beeping at his fans," Kevin-D2 added.