Frank Fearless Free

Change Is Nature

2009-05-31T11:29:00.000-07:00

Frank Fearless Free has merged with its mother blog Old Bitter balls to not only give you the top news but also top opinion.

OBB News thanks its 3 readers and hope you make the move.

Spot The Dummy

2009-05-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

London Mayor Boris Johnson, left, wasn't entirely pleased when he met his wax double at Madame Tussauds. "It's only when you see yourself in 3-D that you realise just how fat and ugly you are," Johnson said. I have to lose some weight" .

OBB News would like to point out that he'll still be ugly and his being stupid was not addressed.

Things Get Ugly In Texas

2009-05-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

Texas .......... again, A 7-year-old boy Donald Coffey Jr was shot dead in the head by a couple who thought he and three other people were trespassing on their property

Gayle Muhs who is allegedly a man named Gayle and his sister and wife Sheila Muhs who is also allegedly a man both 45, were charged with second-degree felony counts of aggravated assault in the shootings .

Authorities said the couple fired after they mistakenly thought the group was trespassing on their property.

The area includes a dirt road, trees and overgrown brush and it isn't uncommon for people to go off-roading there.

A sign in front of the suspects' home reads: "Trespassers will be shot. Survivers will be re- shot!! Smile I will." OBB News doubts that either have very good smiles. Another sign said, "Keep incest in the family, smile I will."

Sheila Muhs fired a 12-gauge shotgun once, then handed it to her husband, who also fired once

then Sheila Muhs looked up the number and called 911 and told the dispatcher: "They're out here tearing up the levee, so I shot them but good."

The levee was dry and full of good old boys drinking whiskey and eating rye bread sandwiches from Subway and the area belonged to the subdivision and was not private property.

The unarmed victims did not do anything threatening toward the Muhs.

Donald Coffey Sr. suffered a pellet wound in his right shoulder and his daughter, Destiny, suffered a wound to the elbow. The family friend, 30-year-old Patrick Cammack, was in serious condition Saturday with a head wound.

Lonely In Oregon

2009-05-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

Brandon Vongthongthrip, a 20-year-old Oregon man was arrested on charges of repeatedly having sex with his pet pit bull after admitting sexually assaulting the dog more than 400 time sover a period of five years.

He then posted photos of his sexual encounters with the dog online much to the dog's embarrassment.

Vongthongthrip was arrested on 200 counts of aggravated animal abuse and 200 counts of sexual assault on an animal .

“This guy had posted pictures of himself with his dog doing some pretty ugly things I've gone right off peanut butter,” Sgt. Mike LeDuc said.

The dog, an attractive 8-year-old pit bull named Rocky, was taken into protective custody by Multnomah County Animal Control where he was examined and treated for injuries.

Vongthronthrip insists he is being victimized because both he and the dog are a same sex couple. He was booked into the Multnomah County Detention Center in lieu of a $1.5 million dollar bail.

Irony Is

2009-05-05T21:24:00.001-07:00

Bradley M. Gellert, a 32-year-old from Florida of course tried to strangle his wife during a heated argument. She broke free and went to the Sheriff's Office. Nice t-shirt.

Way Too Old For This S**t

2009-05-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson, 53, appeared at a film premiere in Los Angeles, with his 39-year-old Russian, piano playing girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.

The singer is signed to Mel's recording label Icon and previously dated another old man former James Bond star Timothy Dalton. The couple split up two years ago, they have a 12-year-old son, Thomas.

Robyn Gibson, 52, who must of put up with a lot during their 28 year marriage could be staking a claim to up to half her husband's £640million fortune for her and her seven children and could be the the most expensive divorce in history.

Former madam Heidi Fleiss and crazy octuplet mom Nadya Suleman deny being part of a DNA cloning experiment with miss Grigorieva.

Mr Gibson was too intoxicated to comment.

Not A Waste

2009-05-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

Kelly McGillis, who became an 80's pin-up playing Tom Cruise's love interest Charlie in Top Gun in 1986 has come out as a lesbian on the website Shewired.com.

She has claimed to have battled with her sexuality for more than 40 years and that for long periods of her life she was convinced she was being ' punished by God' for being gay.

The actress has been married twice and has two daughters Kelsey, 19, and Sonora, 16 and now is currently single.

The Guinness book of world records is now looking into Top Gun as a possible contender for the most gay film ever they just need Tom to officially come out.

Why Do Germans Like To March So Much?

2009-05-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

Switzerland, Europe. Voters in the heart of the Swiss Alps passed legislation banning naked hiking after dozens of mostly German nudists started rambling through their picturesque region.

By a show of hands citizens of the tiny state of Appenzell voted overwhelmingly at their traditional open-air annual assembly to impose a 200 Swiss franc ($176) fine on violators.

Only a scattering of people on Sunday opposed the ban on the back-to-nature activity that took off last autumn when naked hikers primarily Germans started showing up in eastern Switzerland.

Citizens objected to encountering walkers wearing nothing but hiking boots and socks and swinging freely in the breeze.

German Web sites promoting the activity describe it as "a special experience of nature, free and healthy" and said nude walking in the Alps has roots in antiquity as does sheisser videos and world domination .

Feet Of Fury

2009-04-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

Washington State, North America . Ted Mazetier an 84-year-old man pulled over to help two men with a disabled car.

One of the men punched him in the face and demanded his car keys.

Mazetier who studied the Old Knudsen art of fighting says he kicked the man in the groin and the other in the belly and was just about to deliver death blows when the two men fled as a passer-by stopped to help.

Police later arrested two suspects for investigation of assault.

Mazetier who suffered a black eye but still had his car said he'll think twice before stopping again to help someone on the street. He'll be 85 in June.

LMAO In The Name Of Allah

2009-04-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

A Saudi man has divorced his wife by text message, earlier this month.

The man was in Iraq when he sent the message informing her she was no longer his spouse. He followed up with a telephone call to two of his relatives.

The first known divorce in Saudi Arabia by text message using infidel technology . After summoning the two relatives to check they had received word of the husband's intention a court in the Red Sea city of Jeddah finalised the split.

Saudi Arabia practices a strict form of Islamic Sharia law, and clerics preside over Sharia courts as judges so reason and common sense has no place in the court room .

Under the law a man can divorce his wife by saying "I divorce you" three times or using the letters I divo U in text language . Much like the summoning of Beetlejuice and Candyman.

The Saudi man was in Iraq to participate in "what he described as 'jihad," Many Saudis have gone to fight with al Qaeda militants against the Iraqi government and U.S. forces. It is claimed that his wife wouldn't let him go and fight and he had to run away before he bravely divorced her by text.

Indian Men Do Not Measure Up

2009-04-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

"It's not the size its what you do with it that matters" has been the cry of men with under-developed penis' throughout the ages.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

More than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

India has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation and way too many air wasters as it is so condoms of mixed sizes to fit their little todgers will be made more available.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, by professional penis evaluators down to the last millimetre.

The conclusion of all this scientific willy watching is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told OBB News there was an obvious need in India for smaller condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large especially those supplied by British companies.

Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally the Chinese also have small porkers and they breed like flies too.

OBB News wonders if this is why Indian and Chinese women always look so miserable and dissatisfied.

Cars Of The Future

2009-04-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

General Motors Corp. and Segway demonstrated a new type of vehicle that according to them could change the way we move around in cities.

Dubbed Project P.U.M.A. (Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility), GM and Segway are developing an electrically powered, two-seat prototype vehicle that has only two wheels.

It could allow people to travel around cities more quickly, safely, quietly and cleanly - and at a lower total cost and look totally ridiculous at the same time .

We can look at this as a last ditch attempt for GMC before they go out of business or we can look at this as a reason to why they are going out of business.

Remember the C5 built in the UK in 1985? Look how well they have taken off. Its one thing to be environmentally friendly but you don't have to look like a twat while doing it.

I wonder what silly option research and design experts with too much time and money will come up with next.

Its the 21st century and we have already been cheated out of the flying cars we were promised. These ideas are an insult as an alternative.

Polar Bears Have More Logic Than Women

2009-04-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

Keepers at the Berlin Zoo were praised for their bravery after they dragged a 32-year-old woman out of a moat inside the polar bear enclosure.

It is thought that the bears used their hypnotic power of cute and cuddly on the woman who climbed over a fence, and a line of prickly hedges too get in.

She suffered serious injuries after being bitten on her arms and legs.

"The woman has proved herself to be careless and retarded by jumping into the enclosure," a police spokesman said afterwards. "Logic tells us that polar bears will do this type of thing in this situation."

The famous hand reared polar bear Knut was in the same enclosure. He was not available for comment.

Racist Or JustTtacky?

2009-04-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

Walgreens is ordering the removal of the "Chia Obama" from its stores in Tampa and Chicago, saying the ceramic-plant figure of the chief executive is inappropriate for sale.

Spokesman Robert Elfinger said store managers have the ability to market products of their choice.

But the top brass of the Illinois-based drug chain didn't like what was being sold. "We got some complaints from people that they thought it was racist, " Elfinger said in a telephone interview to OBB News.

"The two white people who complained also demanded the discontinue of Pokemon as it encourages animal violence," Elfinger added.

Watermellon seeds are no longer to be sold in the gardening section either just in case.

Mean Dogs Mean Dogs Whatcha Gonna Do?

2009-03-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

Boise, Idaho, North America. No one has broken out of the Idaho State Correctional Institution in more than 20 years.

The reason for the success rate of the prison is the crazed perimeter guards who will rip you apart with their teeth and then hump your leg.

The institution is the only state prison in the U.S. to use sentry dogs . The program began in 1986, 24 mean dogs mostly German shepherds, rottweilers and Belgian malinois, with a few boxers , pit bulls and poodles roam the space between the inner and outer chain-link fences 24 hours a day, ferociously defending their territory.

Get too close to the fence and they will bare their teeth, bark and lunge. Set foot in their space and they will attack.

The animals themselves are former death row inmates dogs that were deemed too dangerous to be pets and would have been destroyed at the local pound if they had not been given a reprieve and assigned to prison duty.

"We're basically giving them a second chance at a good, healthy life with the chance of biting scumbags," said Corrections Officer Michael Amos, who heads the sentry dog program. "Those same instincts that make them a bad pet make them good sentries."

The canines save on manpower and are more reliable during power outages than electrical security systems and more effective in the fog and the dark than the humans posted in the lookout towers. They also seem to scare the crap out of the prisoners.

No one has escaped from the 1,500-inmate medium-security prison since the dogs were brought in. No one has even tried to get past the fences since the early 1990s

Even the dog trainers themselves have been mauled by these guard dogs. Veterinarians dart the dogs when they give them medical attention.

It takes a dirty dog to guard a dirty dog. OBB News salutes, Bingo, Fluffy , Wingnut and others for their continued and valuable service.

A Roof With A View

2009-03-27T09:03:00.001-07:00

An 18-year-old man had secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire.

It was there for a year before his parents found out. The young penis obsessed man has been ordered to add a foreskin as his parents are anti-circumcision.

Too Young To Die Too Fat To Live

2009-03-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in government benefits.

The Chawners, haven't worked in 11 years, claim their weight is a hereditary condition and the money they receive is insufficient to live on.

So does that mean the couple are related to each other?

Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."The family claim to spend £50 a week on food and consume 3,000 calories each a day.

The recommended maximum intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men.

"We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner," Mrs Chawner told OBB News. She didn't say in what amounts though.

"All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes. Our whole family is overweight, stupidity and good looks are also in our genes," she added.

Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.

Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size. He was on a waiting list for a gastric band last year, but a heart condition made the operation unsuitable.

Their daughter Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers' Allowance each fortnight while Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.

Emma, said: "I'm a student and don't have time to exercise" she said "We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don't know how."

Maybe they shouldn't spend so much time eating. If you really 'wanted' to lose weight you'd do it no ifs or buts.

BB Gun Gangstas

2009-03-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

Peter Caley, 79, was shot in the face with a BB gun by a group of young children as he worked on his allotment in Easingwold, North Yorkshire. The pellet narrowly missed his eye.

His wife Diane said: "They were primary school kids between about seven and 11. They could have taken his eye out does no one ever say that to kids anymore?"

North Yorkshire Police said they were treating the incident on Sunday evening very seriously as opposed to other crimes to which they snigger at.

Mrs Caley said: "My husband was down the allotments and he was attacked by about six kids who proceeded to fire these BB guns at him from a range of about 10 yards, hitting him quite violently on the nose within a millimetre of his eye."

She said her husband told her the children had laughed at him after the attack.

"It is just not funny, I mean he's 79 for goodness sake, going about his business in the place he enjoys the most," she said.

Her husband had been unable to give police a description of the culprits as it was dark at the time and he was too busy bleeding.

Local newsagent manager Wendy Moss said she was horrified and had decided to stop selling BB guns , sex swings and bondage equipment .

"We don't want to be associated with anything that is going to be a dangerous product. We're not saying we actually sold the one that caused the injury, but we obviously don't believe this is a good product to sell."

OBB News says: A newsagents that sells BB guns? The only thing you may get hurt on OBB News are your sensibilities. Children think its all fun and games until someone loses an eye .

The CO2 BB guns can penetrate wood and at 10 yards the lesser plinkers guns can do damage to soft skin tissue. OBB News hopes these stupid children are caught and flogged on the town square even though that is too god for them.

In Rod We Rust

2009-03-16T05:03:00.000-07:00

Six year-old Mihir Kumar was celebrating the festival of Holi in India, when he slipped off the terrace of his family home and landed on a the five foot-long iron rod that was left standing on a building site.

Mehul was playing with colours on the terrace when he fell on an iron rod left standing on the under-construction terrace.

The rod punched through his ribcage and came out the other side. It was said to have hurt a little bit.

He underwent three-hour surgery at the Rajendra Institute of Medical Sciences to remove the rod.

He is now recovering in hospital and has been revered as a prophet as during Holi he was made holey when he fell from the sky like the prophet Mahatma Coat.

Dr Sandeep Agarwal, one of the three surgeons to operate on the boy, said he had miraculously escaped major internal injuries and commended the boy for his will power.

McNugget Emergency

2009-03-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

A Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald’s employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.
27-year-old Fort Pierce resident Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece last week but was later informed the restaurant had run out.

The McNugget Nazi of a cashier refused a refund and said all sales were final and told police she offered Goodman a larger portion of different food for the same price, but Goodman became irate.

Gee I wonder why.

Goodman called 911 and said: “This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one, I need the nuggets man.”

Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge and for being an idiot.

A McDonald’s spokesman says Goodman should have been given a refund, and she’s being sent a gift card for a free meal.

When they say a free meal they don't mean the works, they mean a Big Mac meal or a regular sized McNugget meal. I think for the utter stupidity Goodman should be given several meals all served by a clown other than the cashier because even in this recession McDonald's for some reason is still making a profit.

OBB News wishes to thank the people of Florida and Texas for without them these idiot stories wouldn't exist.

Gypsy Tramps Aren't Free

2009-03-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

These girls must be on clearance.

Over 2,000 Roma teens and their parents gathered in southern Bulgaria to find a husband willing to pay a hefty price for his new wife.

The open-air bride sale takes place every year on the first Saturday after the start of the orthodox Easter fast as it is in the Bible............. some where at the back.

Girls arrive in their finest clothes and jewelry, their parts washed for once and their faces caked in makeup, eager to show prospective spouses their beauty. Bulgarian beauty seems to differ from actual beauty. Younger brothers and sisters tag along to eat sweets and enjoy the festive atmosphere.

As one mother explained to OBB News, "We take our daughters to this gathering so they could get acquainted with boys, for we do not allow our children to go to discos." Word on the street is that a beautiful young woman can fetch several thousand euros.

OBB News is all for the selling of teenagers and thinks there should be more of it and as for discos, all you have to do is watch Saturday night fever to see how wrong the whole disco thing is.

Who Is Next OJ Simpson?

2009-03-04T15:01:00.000-08:00

U.S. Sen. Edward Kennedy has been awarded an honorary knighthood by Great Britain.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced the honour during an address to a joint drinking session of Congress in Washington. Kennedy, who is battling brain cancer, used that as an excuse not to attend Brown's speech.

The ailing senator hasn't been seen much since January's presidential inauguration, when he collapsed at a luncheon in a bid to steal the limelight and was briefly hospitalized.

Brown said Kennedy had helped bring peace to Northern Ireland, expand health care for Americans and improve access to education for children around the world. "And for all those things we owe a great debt to the life and courage of Sen. Edward Kennedy" .

OBB News wonders if Mr Brown has the right man.

His involvement in the long process that led to Northern Ireland's 1998 Good Friday peace accord was mostly siding with the Catholic terrorist side until they became unpopular among their own people. Millions of Americans have to live without health care and children around the world are idiots.

The 77-year-old brother of the late President John F. Kennedy has served in the Senate since 1962.

In a statement, Kennedy said he was "deeply grateful to her majesty the queen and to Prime Minister Brown for this extraordinary honor."

Kennedy, whose father, Joseph Kennedy, was U.S. ambassador to Britain between 1938 and 1940, was known as Yellow Joe because he would not live in London during the bombing but let his staff do so and wanted to surrender to Hitler as to not make him angry made lots of money during WWII .

Sen Kennedy also said the knighthood was "a reflection not only of my public life, but of things that profoundly matter to me as an individual. Like celebrating Secretaries day.

Other Americans to receive honorary knighthoods include Microsoft chief Bill Gates, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, Pedophile Michael Jackson and filmmaker Steven Spielberg.

The Ugly Face Of Parenting

2009-03-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

Cerrie Burnell is the 29 year-old host of the UK children's television show CBeebies, she was born missing the lower section of her right arm. Some parents of children who watch the show are disgusted that such an evil grotesque creature is allowed on the screen. The double standard is they have no problem with the pedophile dinosaur Barney.

The BBC has received nine formal complaints and hundreds of nasty messages on its Web site, some of which were so vicious they had to be removed..

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think the new woman presenter on CBeebies may scare the kids because of her disability?" wrote one adult on the CBeebies website. Other adults claimed that their children were asking difficult questions as a result, and you can't have that. "I didn't want to let my children watch the filler bits on The Bedtime Hour last night because I know it would have played on my eldest daughter's mind and possibly caused sleep problems," said one message.

The BBC received nine other complaints by phone. Burnell responded recently, saying that the negative comments "are indicative of a wider problem of disabled representation in the media as a whole, which is why it's so important for there to be more disabled role models in every area of the media."

OBB News agrees with Ms Burnell to a point. People of various disabilities should be shown on children's television as there is no shame in being disabled and children should learn, however like Ms Burnell they show also look attractive.

The expression, "Has a face for radio" was used to describe ugly people who should not be on the television like Mickey Rourke or Sarah Jessica Parker as that really is disturbing.

Bush Too Good For Greeting Job

2009-02-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

The former US president George W Bush entered a hardware store called Elliott's outlet with his security detail saying "I'm looking for a job", store manager Andrea Bond said.

The owner of the Texas chain made the offer to employ him as a greeter earlier this month in a letter published in a Dallas newspaper.

Bush showing that he still has an unrealistic view of the world decided upon reflection to turn the job down.

Mr Bush spent an hour with his secret service security detail, chatting to customers and doing a little shopping. He bought a chainsaw and some duct tape.

A part-time job that would have given Mr Bush time to look for something better and still have some rent money coming in

The employment package offered parking for his security detail and an employee discount. Mr Bush thinks he can do better in this economic climate.

Mr Bush and his wife Laura moved into their new home in an expensive area of Dallas on Friday. They have kept their ranch at Crawford, Texas.

OBB News hopes that Laura isn't so picky at the jobs she is offered as millions are laid off every day.

A Blast From Last Years Idiot Crime Past

2009-02-26T10:44:00.000-08:00

Above, Jordan "Tiddy" Tidwell, Franky "The Tank" Koonz, Rhian "Spaz" Jenkins and Melissa Jenkins

Florida of course, this crime from July 25, 2008, just speaks for itself about the sunshine state . Four young people were arrested for illegally climbing the county water tower and spray-painting the nicknames of three of them on the tower.

Deputies commanded all four to come down, which they did.

Jordan Tidwell, 18, had painted the name "Tiddy" on the tower. Franky Koonz, 18, had painted his nickname, "The Tank," on the tower. And Rhian Jenkins, also 18, had painted his nickname of "Spaz" on the tower. Melissa Jenkins, Rhian's sister, who was 21, was the most pathetic of all as she didn't have a nickname.

All four were arrested and charged with Burglary and Criminal Mischief.

Alls Fair In Love And Sport

2009-02-25T11:35:00.000-08:00

Last November, 39-year-old Stuart Slann, from South Yorkshire, a loyal Manchester United football (soccer) fan, was vacationing in Cancun when he met two Liverpool supporters.

Being bitter rivals the two men (who are also cage fighters) grew tired of Slann's boasting that Manchester Utd holds the English Premier League and Champions League titles and decided to throw him in the pool like you do .

Scousers from Liverpool have a long memory. Just ask Ringo Starr. His topiary figure constantly gets beheaded because of negative remarks he made about his home town.

Upon returning to Liverpool, the two men decided to set up a fake Facebook profile under the name "Emma" and to lured Slann into a virtual love affair.

Slann drove 500 miles from his home to a remote location in North Scotland, where he thought Emma was eagerly awaiting his arrival.

When he finally reached the address "Emma" had given him, there was nothing but an old, deserted farm.

Soon after arriving, he received a text from "Emma," saying that she was still at work and that he would have to wait a while.
After waiting for three hours in his car, a worried and horny Slann called the number he had been texting and was shocked when a man picked up the phone. "Hello Stuart," the man said, "do you remember us? It's them Scouse lads who threw you in the pool. You've been framed."

Slann, who had been tricked into taking a "rude" photo of himself with his camera phone on the drive north, has since been divorced by his wife.

While he does think the trick was cruel, he said, "I'll hold my hands up and say they really wound me up."

Kick Them When They Are Down

2009-02-24T10:20:00.000-08:00

Microsoft have miscalculated the severance payouts to some of the approximately 1,400 employees that the company recently laid off.

The Microsoft Corp has sent out letters requesting a return of funds from those former employees who received apparent overpayment of severance benefits or they shall release the mosquitoes.

No doubt they were using their own accounting software.

The Microsoft Corporation won't say how much money is involved but are going through a lot of trouble to reclaim their funds. Maybe they wanted to send the extra money over to Africa.

Imagine getting fired and then finding out the company you served loyally says that you owe it money. I'm sure there is a special place in hell for the rich Microsoft CEO's.

In an update Microsoft's senior vice president for human resources announced the reversal of the action as stating: "I decided it didn't quite feel right," you mean the bad press didn't feel right.

Run Forest Run!

2009-02-23T01:41:00.000-08:00

A 15 year-old schoolgirl was surprised when she snatched the hand-bag of 72 year-old Mrs Hirst to discover she was a former All England Schools championship sprinter and still had a good bit of speed still in her.

Mrs Hirst gave chase, she soon began to close on the chavette who was forced to throw down the bag in her desperation to escape.

Mrs Hirst said: "Suddenly I felt 18 again. The adrenaline just kicked in and I seemed to turn back the years.

"She had a head start but I covered 70 yards in about 15 seconds and was within two strides of her when she looked over her shoulder and saw me.

"She probably thought I was an easy target but she shouldn't have judged a book by its cover. The look on her face was one of sheer amazement and she just threw my bag aside, I was not as out of breath as I thought I would be at my age."

Mrs Hirst, a widow, from Mansfield, Notts, was able to stop and pick up the bag which she described as containing her "whole life", including her purse, keys and address book.

Mrs Hirst, who has two grown up children, was later rebuked by her daughter who told her the girl could have had a knife or turned aggressive.

She added: "I didn't think of my safety, but I did pay for it a little the next day. I was covered in aches and pains and my daughter turned to me and said it was because I didn't warm up properly."

Dora Explores Her Sexuality

2009-02-22T03:29:00.000-08:00

Mattel, Inc. and Nickelodeon/Viacom Consumer Products , announced today that Dora the Explorer™ is growing up!
The companies have introduced a whole new way to look at Dora for girls and some boys five years and up. It’s innovative, diverse, wholesome, bi-lingual and entertaining.

“For nearly ten years, Dora the Explorer has had such a strong following among preschoolers, catapulting it into the number one preschool show on commercial television,” says Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing for Mattel. “Girls really identify with Dora and we knew that girls would love to have their friend Dora grow up with them, and experience the new things that they were going through themselves like sex, pregnancy and getting into gangs. The brand captures girls’ existing love of Dora and marries it with the fashion doll play and online experiences older girls enjoy.”

“Dora the Explorer has been one of the most successful properties for nearly a decade, with an average of 21.1 million viewers, including 6 million preschoolers, tuning into the television show each month,” explained Leigh Anne Brodsky, president, NVCP. “We are thrilled to partner with Mattel to develop this brand extension that will enable girls to continue to learn and interact with their Latina heroine, Dora, as they grow up together into little sluts.”

As tweenage Dora, our heroine has moved to the big city, attends middle school and has a whole new fashionable look. Her parents on the show will still let her wander around dangerous areas unsupervised with her pet monkey.

Boots the monkey also grows up and becomes more aggressive as older monkeys do. One episode features Boots mauling Dora and having to be put down.

Yawn More Riverside UFO's

2009-02-22T02:56:00.000-08:00

Taken by Riverside resident Alison Tate she claims she saw a large fast moving object and two smaller faster ones whizzing around it. In less than a minute they were gone.

OBB News wonders what is in the water over in Riverside.

Define Irony

2009-02-19T02:53:00.000-08:00

New York, North America, The founder of an Islamic television station in upstate New York aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has confessed to undulating and beheading his wife perhaps in the name of Allah.
Muzzammil Hassan has been charged with murder in the death of his wife, Aasiya Hassan.

Muzzammil Hassan was charged with second-degree murder after police found the decapitated body of his wife, Aasiya Hassan, at the Bridges TV station in the Buffalo suburb of Orchard Park, said Andrew Benz, Orchard Park's police chief.

Attempts to reach an attorney for Hassan were unsuccessful, and his family didn't return calls from OBB News which is just plain rude.

He had two children, 4 and 6, with his wife. He had two other children, 17 and 18, from his previous marriage.

He launched Bridges TV, billed as the first English-language cable channel targeting Muslims inside the United States, in 2004. At the time, Hassan said he hoped the network would balance negative portrayals of Muslims following the attacks of September 11, 2001.

The station's staff is "deeply shocked and saddened by the murder of Aasiya Hassan and the subsequent arrest of Muzzammil Hassan," a statement from Bridges TV said.

"Our deepest condolences and prayers go out to the families of the victim and death to America," the statement said.

Under-Age Couple Have Baby

2009-02-18T01:04:00.000-08:00

Alfie Patten now aged 13 became the youngest father in Britain following the birth of Maisie, who was conceived when Alfie was 12-years-old. His girlfriend Chantelle Steadman is aged 15.

When asked what he will do financially, Alfie - the little horn-dog whose voice has not yet broken - replied: 'What's "financially"?'

Mrs Patten, Alfie's 43 year-old mother has doubts over the paternity of the week-old child as others have also claimed to have had a sexual relationship with the schoolgirl, from Eastbourne in Sussex.

Richard Goodsell, 16, a trainee chef admitted he had been sleeping with Chantelle for three months and around the time she fell pregnant and has now demanded a DNA test to prove he's the Dad.

Richard said: “I know I could be the father. Everyone thinks I am. My friends all tell me that baby has my eyes— even my mum thinks so. Only a DNA test is going to sort this out properly. If I am the father, I have the right to know."

14 year old Tyler Barker also said: “I slept with Chantelle in her bed about nine months ago and I’m really worried I could be the father. I hope it’s not me. All my mates have been teasing me about it as she is a right minger but this isn’t funny, it’s serious.”

Both boys and their parents have made sworn statements in front of a solicitor detailing their nights of ugly under-age sex with Chantelle.

Chantelle of course insists she lost her virginity to Alfie and that she was on the pill but she forgot to take it.

Alfie has agreed to take a DNA test but still believes he's the Dad.

Why Submarines Should Have Headlights

2009-02-17T01:04:00.000-08:00

Nuclear submarines from Britain and France collided deep in the Atlantic Ocean authorities said Monday in the first acknowledgment of a highly unusual accident that one expert called the gravest in nearly a decade.

Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause much of a radiation to leak.
Anti-nuclear hippy groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.

France reported on February 6th that one of its submarine had struck a submerged object perhaps a shipping container.

Confirmation of the accident only came after the British media reported it.

France's defense ministry said that the sub Le Triomphant and the HMS Vanguard, the oldest vessel in Britain's nuclear-armed submarine fleet, were on routine a patrol building a secret underwater strike command centre when they collided in the Atlantic this month.

France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome and limped home to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip.

HMS Vanguard returned to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes.

"The two submarines came into contact at very low speed, both commanders exchanged insurance details as is the protocol." Britain's First Sea Lord, Admiral Jonathon Band, said.

HMS Vanguard came into service in 1993, and has a crew of around 140 and typically carries 16 Lockheed Trident D5 missiles.
At least one of Britain's four submarines is on patrol and ready to fire at Russia or Iran any given time.

Texas Fireball

2009-02-16T21:34:00.000-08:00

Dallas, Texas, North America. not the place you want to be at the moment as the state is not only swarming with rednecks and zombies now there are invaders from outer space.

What looked like a fireball streaked across the Texas sky on Sunday morning, leading many people to call authorities to report seeing falling debris.

"We don't know what it was," said Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Roland Herwig.

"We don't doubt what people saw" said U.S. Strategic Command spokesman John Foster. "It may have been the sun glinting off some blue ice falling off a jet plane" he added, "nothing going on here and any reports of police radio recordings stating that a UFO has just landed are false."

"There is no correlation between the sighting and debris from the satellite collision," said Maj. Regina Winchester, with STRATCOM.

Harold Punter was driving south into Denton when he saw the fireball: "I could see a dark mass at the front but I couldn't tell what it was, then it did a 90 degree turn and was gone in seconds."

The FAA notified pilots on Saturday to be aware of possible space debris after a collision on Tuesday between U.S. and Russian communication satellites.

The chief of Russia's Mission Control says clouds of debris from the collision will circle Earth for thousands of years and threaten numerous satellites.

When Satellites Colide

2009-02-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

A collision occurred between a US Iridium 33 communications satellite and a defunct Russian Kosmos 2251 military satellite.

America is following the debris path from the impact. It is hoped that most of it will fall to Earth and burn up in the atmosphere.

A Nasa memo said officials determined the risk to be "elevated" but have estimated it as "very small and within acceptable limits".

Luckily only less than a hundred people should die and it should be in the Seberian region so who cares?

Iran who recently launched their own satellite refused to comment.

Speculation Gets News Coverage

2009-02-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

Scientists studying the DNA of Neanderthals say they can find no evidence that this ancient species ever interbred with modern humans.

Our closest ancestors may well have been able to speak as well as us, said Prof Svante Paabo from Germany's Max Planck Institute.

The genetics information has been gleaned from fossils found in Croatia. He confirmed that Neanderthals shared the FOXP2 gene associated with speech and language in modern humans.

Comparing the Neanderthal genome, and the human genome he has found genetic regions which make us "uniquely human"

Since Neanderthals lived side by side with modern humans in Europe for many thousands of years, it has been speculated that we may have inherited some Neanderthal DNA in our genome today, thanks to interbreeding Which would explain many bloggers out there today.

Overlooked evidence perhaps?

Professor Paabo's team have found no evidence for interbreeding.

If you can find no evidence then obviously it didn't happen then. No evidence to say that OJ Simpson is a murderer for has been found either.

Simon Says Edna Does

2009-02-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

Edna and Simon were married in England back in 2005. Edna is 73 and Simon is 35

The couple met through their love of the organ, oh yeah they both love playing on the organ. Simon is dyslexic and dyspraxic which means hes a clumsy person who has reading difficulties but it turns out hes a master with his organ.

Surprisingly he had never had a girlfriend before he met and married Edna, who has three children, all older than Simon.

Edna tells OBB News that they share "the same passion as a pair of 25-year-olds. We kiss about 150 times a day and not always on the mouth."

Simon admits to being a cross-dresser and Edna says of this "If he wants to dress up in a green caterpillar suit with pink flip-flops what does it matter? I don't give a monkey's."

The hot couple also stay in bed for marathon sex sessions that last for days. OBB News hope that her hips hold out.

OBB News is in no way responsible for anyone that throws up after reading this story.

Give Us The Blitz Any Day

2009-02-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

It could be the end of the world as we know it. Jack-knifed lorries blocking motor-ways, Airport runways shut with significant delays and cancellations, London City Airport closed, trains canceled , buses not in service driving past bus stops, 1,735 traffic incidents over a 24-hour period in the East Midlands alone. Is this the apocalypse? Yes the UK has had snow!

Texan Zombies On The Loose

2009-01-30T11:57:00.000-08:00

For years OBB News has been reporting about the amount of zombies to be found in the Texas and Florida areas but no one listened.
The commute into Austin Texas became one of horror as road signs told of the zombie danger.

There is only one thing worse than zombies, its Nazi zombies." This is really serious," Sara Hartley, a spokeswoman for the city Public Works Department told OBB News.

"It's sort of amusing, but not at all helpful," said Chris Lippincott, spokesman for the state Department of Transportation.

Not so amusing for us with tasty brains Mr Lippincott for that is the zombie main diet. OBB News suggests they take no chances with anyone from Texas or Florida and you must destroy the brain or sever the head.

No statement has been given from the Whitehouse yet which shows the seriousness of the situation.

Well Hung Chess Playa

2009-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

Oliver Edwerds-Cavall a 15 year-old schoolboy was found hanged by his mother in a caravan he lived in on his family's smallholding near Tanby, Wales.

He had no history of depression and his parents said he was usually a happy, caring boy with a good sense of humour.

Pambrokeshire coroner Michael Howalls said that Oliver died from self-inflicted asphyxiation by hanging from a belt that had been tied to the bathroom door of the caravan in which he lived.

The family ate together, watched television but later there was "an argument over a chess game".

Chess arguments have killed 8 people in the UK this year alone the government are seeking to put restrictions on the game.

The general feeling from the family was that Oliver hung himself in a fit of temper in a happy, caring way, humourous way.

He had no history of illness or depression ................. just an insane temper it seems.

Top Psychologist Old Knudsen believes there is more than meets the eye with this case.

At the time of his death, his head teacher said Oliver was making good progress and had been due to sit his GCSEs this June.

His teachers described him as a "lovable character" with a "wicked sense of humour", who was warmly regarded by fellow pupils.

Just don't mess with him where Chess is concerned.

Police Say LOL To Gangs

2009-01-26T01:07:00.000-08:00

The New York Police Department 'NYPD' is asking police recruits who have MySpace or Facebook pages to watch as an investigator looks through their most private postings.

The measure is designed to weed out would-be cops who have on their Web sites , violent or explicit imagery, racist rants and any other material considered objectionable. There is no written policy on what is objectionable investigators just know it when they see it. Sometimes the investigators comment LOL if the page is particularly good.

Without the applicant logging on, only a subpoena could get the NYPD that much access to the private Web pages.

One applicant had a picture of him pointing a gun at a buddy.

"He said it was just his friend," but at that point the interviewer thought it best that he not join the New York City Police Department as the safety was still on.

The police also Google would-be cops and visit them online in the public pages of social-networking sites which explains all the humourless commenters.

The department has been embarrassed by disclosures of inappropriate online postings by cops and recruits.

A rookie cop named Christian Torres was arrested and charged with twice robbing a Sovereign Bank in Manhattan, along with one in Pennsylvania.

Internal Affairs investigators discovered Torres had a MySpace page in which he posted cartoons about bank robberies and listed his profession as "Oink"making fun of the police nickname "pig" which many officers are proud of.

Other web pages have had videos of violent police beatings, explicit photos involving police uniforms or gear, and bigoted remarks. If you like that sort of thing one investigator said, you should read http://oldbitterballs.blogspot.com/

Some recruits networking accounts included boasts of gang membership, or photos of the applicant sporting gang-related tattoos and making gang gestures. Shaven heads and neck tattoos should have given them away but this reporter thinks that it shows how the educational system is working as 10 years ago only 2% of gang members were on-line compared to today's 74%.

In many states like Florida gang membership is a bonus as they have their own guns and know how to use them.

One recruit had pictures and stories of how he did drugs and liked to beat up black people, he was allowed to join as boys will be boys.

Dun Rollin

2009-01-24T01:23:00.000-08:00

A scarab species has been filmed in Peru attacking and eating millipedes 10 times its length.

D. valgum or the Dung Beetle is no longer dining just on feces. Instead, the nocturnal creature prefers to decapitate live prey with its armour "teeth" and then devour their insides.

It is a rare example of a scavenger species turning carnivore, say US scientists in a Royal Society journal.

Dung beetles (Scarabaeidae) are not renowned for their predatory instincts. They feast on

fresh animal feces which they gather into balls and roll with their hind legs.

But after the species Deltochilum valgum was seen grappling with millipedes several times its size, Dr Trond Larsen of Princeton University decided to find out whether it could actually be preying on the creatures.

"This is a remarkable transition," wrote Dr Larsen, a tropical ecologist, in the journal Biology Letters.

"Despite its close relationships with dung feeding species, D. valgum has entirely abandoned its ball-rolling behaviour, it shows there is only so much crap you can take.

"This is the first known case of an obligate predatory dung beetle species."

The carnivorous beetles use the same mouthparts their cousins use to extract bacteria from dung and carrion as weapons to assault and kill their much larger prey.

When placed together in observation chambers, the beetles began their attacks by grasping a millipede's body with its mid- and hind-legs.

The millipedes - up to 110mm long - responded by coiling or flailing their bodies to resist the grip of beetles just 7-8mm wide.

After waiting until the flailing slowed down, the beetles inserted their armour teeth between body segments, prying upwards with their head while simultaneously sawing with their fore-teeth.

"During one kill we observed, the force of the beetle's prying severed the millipede's head from the rest of its body," said Dr Larsen.

The team say their discovery demonstrates how small changes in the physiology of a species can lead to giant leaps in its behaviour.

If they were 4 foot tall they would rule the world.

The scientists believe this unusual evolutionary transition from a scavenger to a hunter-predator was driven by high levels of competition for food and the use of steroids in cattle that gets passed on to the beetles thus making them more aggressive ........ like Americans.

Dung beetles have been found to be fussy eaters. In 2006, researchers in Kuwait found when offered dung from horse, camel and sheep the beetles preferred the more fluid horse dung to the others I mean who wouldn't?

African dung beetle was the first animal found to navigate using moonlight, enabling it to orientate itself and make a hasty retreat from competitors when rolling a ball of dung.

So what will be next ? we asked Dr Larsen: "Probably Dung Beetle bloggers".

Criminals Should Not Be Allowed To Hang Around

2009-01-23T01:06:00.000-08:00

The Ugandan Death Row Rappers

Uganda's Supreme Court has ruled in a case involving more than 400 death row inmates that the death penalty is constitutional under their law.

It was suggested that hanging was cruel and recommended that parliament consider another means of execution such as throwing criminals into farm machinery or getting hacked to death by machetes .

Convicts on death row will not stay there any longer than three years so all round good news for them.

Its bad when an African nation deems hanging cruel. Although the death penalty has not been used since 1999, the court said it acted as a deterrent to murder, except in the case of those 400.

Justice Egonda-Ntendesaid "I would agree that hanging as a method of execution as it is carried out in Uganda is a cruel, inhuman and degrading punishment," .

Old Knudsen who was once hanged for murder said earlier from his Malibu home: " The crime should fit the punishment its as simple as that."

Bush Attacks Police Officer

2009-01-22T20:47:00.000-08:00

John Nash a corn fed 25 year-old police officer kept chasing a suspect for his first arrest even though he had a six-inch branch stuck in his eye.

He slipped on mud and slid head first into a bush while pursuing the man in Rochdale, Greater Manchester, just six days into the job.

The keen as mustard officer only realised he was injured when he arrested the suspect, who told him he had "better get to hospital".

After three hours of surgery, which saved his eye, and says he now just wants to return to work.

The officer was in an unmarked police vehicle following a car being driven erratically on an estate when it was abandoned in Walton Close.

Two men ran off and Pc Nash gave chase, in conditions described as "driving rain", and cornered one in a dead end.

The X-ray of Pc Nash's head shows the stick came to rest underneath his brain but as the brain wasn't very large there was no sign of any stick related damage.

It shows the dangers that police officers face every day, slipping and falling face first into shrubs has taken the lives of 3 British Boobies this year.

PC Nash has got his peripheral vision back and a "significant" amount of his sight has returned. He still cannot see bushes though.

The suspect was arrested but later released without charge.

Why Stay Sober?

2009-01-21T01:19:00.000-08:00

Worried about the worldwide recession? Well you should be. Why not have a drink and forget about it because things are worse than first thought.

Beer sales are known for being recession-resistant, but not this time around. The London-based brewer behind the Miller brand recently reported that its shipments dropped unexpectedly in the third quarter.
Miller Coors said its premium light brand volumes were down 2.4%. Miller Lite sales were down 7.5%.
Beer sales normally grow at about 1% per year in 2008, they only grew by half that amount. It could get worse in 2009.

The cheap gut killing Kamchata vodka is selling well which might mean that a higher alcohol content may be needed to look at pay slips and pension plans.

Stuck On you

2009-01-20T00:17:00.000-08:00

Abigail and Brittany Hensel are 18-year-old dicephalus twins that have two spines, which join at the pelvis, two hearts and stomachs, three kidneys, two gall bladders and four lungs.

They share one liver and ribcage and a nervous system. Below the waist all organs including intestines, bladder and reproductive organs are shared.

Each twin controls one side of the body and they can play the piano, swim, ride a bike, play Twister, drive a car and take part in sports including boxing in which they fight themselves.

Born on March 7, 1990, in Minnesota, are thought to be one of only four sets of dicephalus twins ever to survive into teen years.

The twins even hope to marry someday, not each other that would be sick but to some man or two maybe.

Their father, Mike, believes that there is no reason why the girls shouldn't marry someday, saying "They're good-looking girls. They're witty. They've got everything going for them, except they're together."

Are you a fella that has a melted twin fantasy? or two guys that don't mind sharing? I can see parental issues in the future and what would happen if the girls wanted to split up from their husbands?

OBB News wishes the girls good luck but this reporter could not take nagging in stereo.

Aussie Writer Jailed For Bad Book

2009-01-19T02:35:00.000-08:00

What an attractive family

Harry Nicolaides an Australian writer wrote a novel four years ago, which contained a brief passage referring to an unnamed crown prince. It sold just seven copies.

For this he has been sentenced to three years in a Thailand jail.

He admitted the charge of insulting the royal family, but said he was unaware he was committing an offence.

Nicolaides was arrested as he was leaving the country last August.

His self-published book, called Verisimilitude, is a must read book about a young boy and his homosexual unicorn for some reason it was in no way a big hit. The only copy whose whereabouts are known sits on the shelf of the Thai National Library.

Shackled in leg irons, and wearing standard-issue prison pyjamas, Nicolaides pleaded guilty to the charges against him at Bangkok's Criminal Court.

He was quickly found guilty, with a judge telling the court: "He has written a book that slandered the king, the crown prince and Thailand and the monarchy."

The court initially sentenced him to six years in jail, but reduced the term because of his guilty plea.

Before the trial Nicolaides had seemed stunned by what was happening to him, describing it is like a ''bad dream''.

Indeed it does seem like a bad dream. Thailand is known for being a corrupt and primitive country so this is not very surprising. Anti-monarchy sentiment is ripe with people sentenced for 6 years for just giving a speech and 3,000 websites have been blocked.

Recently a Thai police officer said that the BBC's south-east Asia correspondent Jonathan Head insulted King Bhumibol Adulyadej . Anyone can make these claims and its not like you'll get real justice in Thailand. The BBC has rejected this claim.

Jonathan Head does think that as a repentant foreigner, Harry Nicolaides does have a good chance of being pardoned by the king lets hope that is so.

For the record OBB News just wants to say how much it respects King Bhumibol Adulyadej as he must be a very brave man if that undead creature beside him is his wife. No wonder the king never smiles.

Crook Waits His Turn

2009-01-16T01:03:00.000-08:00

Feliks Goldshtein a 24-year-old from Highland Heights, Ohio, America, may just be the dumbest but most polite crook in America.

He stood in line at the bank wearing a ski mask. When the teller told him to take it off he brandished a toy gun and told the teller to give him all the money.

Goldshtein was arrested minutes later following a brief car chase as putting on his seat belt slowed him down and using turn signals gave his direction away.

Jackson Is A Mess

2009-01-15T00:39:00.000-08:00

Michael Jackson the former pop idol and child molester reportedly plans to end his longstanding feud with Paul McCartney by leaving him the Beatles' back catalog in his will.

Jacko and Macca have been estranged since a falling out back in 1985, after Jackson, 50, beat out McCartney and Yoko Ono in a bidding war for the rights to 200 of Fab Four's legendary songs.

Paul, 66, has long felt betrayed by Jackson as it was him who advised him to buy up songs, he didn't mean his songs . In 2006 McCartney said, "You know what doesn't feel very good, is going on tour and paying to sing all my songs. Every time I sing 'Hey Jude,' I've got to pay someone."

Just tape it off the radio like I do Sir Paul.

The pair collaborated on Jackson's 1982 'The Girl is Mine,' and McCartney's 1983 single 'Say, Say, Say' from 'Pipes of Peace.'

Michael told his lawyers he was sad he no longer talks to Sir Paul and said he wanted to make things right but only after hes dead.

Last month, Jackson denied rumors that he was suffering from a deadly lung condition and was battling emphysema, also losing the vision in his left eye.

It turned out that his forehead melted only covering his eye as for the other claims who really cares?

Google Warming?

2009-01-14T01:02:00.000-08:00

Two search requests on the internet website Google produce "as much carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle", according to a Harvard University academic.

US physicist Alex Wiener-Gross claims that a typical Google search on a desktop computer produces about 7g CO2.

However, these figures were disputed by Google, who say did a search on the matter and say a typical search produced only 0.2g of carbon dioxide.

A recent study by American research firm Gatner suggested that IT now causes two percent of global emissions and that 59% of all IT specialists are sex offenders with penis issues probably.

"Google isn't any worse than any other data centre operator. If you want to supply really great and fast result, then that's going to take extra energy to do so,"said Dr Wiener-Gross.

In a statement on its official blog, Google said that Dr Wiener-Gross' figures were "many times too high."

Dr Weiner-Gross countered those claims saying that everytime Google lets Old Knudsen create a blog 10 baby seals die.

Old Knudsen was unavailable for comment as he was blogging.

"We've made great strides to reduce the energy used by our data centres, but we still want clean and affordable sources of electricity for the power that we do use," said Google in its statement.

"In 2007, we co-founded the Climate Savers Computing Initiative. This non-profit consortium is committed to cutting the energy consumed by computers in half by 2010 by making them slower and having them crash more and so reducing global CO2 emissions by 54 million tons per year. That's a lot of kettles."

The Devil Looks After His Own

2009-01-13T01:08:00.000-08:00

Anchorage , Alaska, America. The winner of the $500,000 lottery drawing came forward to collect his prize. The raffle was designed to benefit the charity organization Standing Together Against Rape, or STAR.

The irony is that the winner, Alec Ahsoak aged 54 was convicted of sexual abuse of a minor twice in 1993 and once in 2000.

He says he plans to use the money to buy a home and and a rape van and to improve his life, and said he will donate $100,000 to STAR

Poor Ahsoak says he's had a hard-luck life, and the money will help him turn that around. He grew up in foster homes and the Jesse Lee Home for Children in Seward. I'm sure the minor he abused feels very sorry for him.

In the past he said he has donated money to a children's home in South Dakota, but that could not be verified. He even wants to volunteer and work with children.

He does not plan to give any of the money to his victim .

After taxes Ahsoak took home about $350,000 so we'll see if he actually gives $100,000 away. If you can't trust a sex offender then who can you trust?

Gu Gu Strikes Again

2009-01-11T01:03:00.000-08:00

Beijing, China, Gu Gu the panda with a taste for human flesh has struck again, this time mauling someone who jumped a barrier to retrieve a child's toy, his third attack on a visitor at the Beijing zoo.

Zhang Jiao a tourist went over a 4-foot, 7-inch barrier surrounding the panda's outdoor exercise area to retrieve a toy dropped by his clumsy 5-year-old son.

The 240-pound Gu Gu bit the intruder's legs and refused to let go until zookeepers pried his jaws open with Panda jaw opening tools .

Zhang had looked around to check if there were pandas nearby before jumping the barrier but pandas being one of nature's top predators used its black and white fur to conceal itself against the grey concrete before attacking.

Gu Gu first made news in 2007 when he bit a drunken tourist who jumped into his pen and tried to hug and molest him. The drunkard bit the panda back. Many have called for panda therapy after the incident.

In October, Gu Gu viciously bit a teenager who climbed into his exercise area because he was a stupid teenager.

It is not clear if Zhang would face criminal charges as there are signs posted all around the zoo about not feeding the animals.

Nothing On TV Anyway

2009-01-10T02:13:00.001-08:00

Houston, Texas, America A death row inmate with a history of mental problems pulled out his only good eye and told authorities he ate it.

Andre Thomas, 25, was arrested for the fatal stabbings of his estranged wife, their young son and her 13-month-old daughter in March 2004.
Their hearts also had been ripped out. He was convicted and condemned for the infant's death.

While in Jail , Thomas plucked out his right eye before his trial in 2004. A judge ruled he was competent to stand trial as that is a common trick to fake appearing to be crazy .

Thomas was recently found in his cell on death row with blood on his face and was taken to the infirmary.

Thomas told them he pulled out his left eye and ingested it.

Thomas is now being treated at a prison psychiatric facility near Richmond southwest of Houston and is now getting regular meals.

"He will finally be able to receive the mental health care that we had wanted and begged for from day 1," Bobbie Peterson-Cate, Thomas' trial attorney, told OBB News. "He is insane and mentally ill. It is exactly the same reason he pulled out the last one."

Speculation on the Lawyer's part as he does not have a psychiatric degree and can not judge someone as being insane.

At his trial, defense lawyers also argued he suffered from alcohol and drug abuse and any other excuse they could think of for not accepting responsibility for his actions .

Next they will be appealing for mercy because Thomas is blind.

OBB News can not think of one good reason why Thomas should still not be executed but there is still no scheduled date for one. Thomas told his attorney that his eyes tasted like chicken.

Donald Who?

2009-01-07T01:48:00.000-08:00

Donald Peters bought two Connecticut Lottery tickets at a local store on November 1st as he has done the past 20 years.

Later that day, the 79-year-old retired hat factory worker suffered a fatal heart attack while working in his yard in Danbury.

His widow cashed in one of the Lottery tickets that in her grief she has almost forgotten about. It won her $US10 million.

"I'm numb," Charlotte Peters, 78, said at Connecticut Lottery office.

"I've always wanted a Corvette, but I don't think I'll buy one. I'll stick to a small car. I might go to Mohegan Sun," she said, referring to the casino in Connecticut.

"I'm going to go home and sit and think."

The Peters children think their father would have appreciated the irony.

"He'd be very mad, he just passed away and she won a lot of money," said Brian Peters, one of the couple's three children.

"He'd say, 'Figures!'"

OBB News just hopes the merry widow remembers to bury her husband.

So Much For Agincourt

2009-01-06T00:59:00.000-08:00

About 150 homes were evacuated for about eight hours after police arrested a man and called the bomb squad when they searched his top floor flat in an Essex town.

Officers were called in the early morning to reports of a man with a longbow in Gladwin Way, Harlow.

Armed officers arrived and a 36-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of possessing an offensive weapon.

In the UK if you are found with a box cutter you will be charged with possession of an offensive weapon unless you can provide good reason for having it like using it for work. He must of annoyed a neighbour who called the police when he was out doing target practice.

The man's excuse of defense against alien or French invasion just wasn't good enough.

A suspicious car that looked swarthy and foreign found near the block of flats in Gladwin Way where the suspect lived was also taken away by police.

An Essex police spokesman said they had been concerned about a number of household items that had been adapted into a "science fiction style".

The Essex police are not used to microwaves and playstations.

The bomb squad said items believed "of concern" to police were not dangerous but highly entertaining and people have been returned home.

Fun Loving Criminals

2009-01-05T22:46:00.000-08:00

Seattle, America. A college student dressed in a vintage German military uniform was fatally shot by police on New Year's Day.

Seattle police were called to University of Washington senior Miles Murphy's apartment after receiving complaints that several men were firing rifle and shotgun rounds into the air.

Murphy emerged from inside and pointed what was later identified as a World War II Kar 98 German infantry rifle with a bayonet at the officer. He refused calls to drop the weapon and was shot several times.

Police searching the house found alcohol, live ammunition and a large collection of German, Russian and Nazi memorabilia including photographs and uniforms.

Murphy "wasn't a Nazi," Hattie Taylor, a friend, told OBB News. "He was just fascinated with the past... He liked to dress up and have fun.."

Ravenna the area in which Murphy lived is about the closest thing Seattle has to a Jewish neighborhood maybe he should have dressed as one of the good guys.

Murphy, 22, was a senior Germanics major and wanted to be a German literature professor and had a large collection of WWII memorabilia.

He was "a peaceful and loving young man fascinated with war and Nazis," said his mother, Dianne Murphy.

OBB News was pondering a shooting in 1998 of a 19-year-old black girl Tyisha Miller by 4 police officers in Riverside, California.

Sitting unresponsive in the front seat of her car with the music turned up and a handgun on her lap while she waited for family to help with her flat tire.

Her family members had keys to the car but instead of opening it they called 911. Shows you what they thought of Miller. They said they were concerned that Ms. Miller was having a seizure. More likely off her head on drugs.

Reverend Bernell Butler, Ms. Miller's cousin and a spokesman for the family, "but we got the same old thing. Police officers are able to murder and get away with it." Butler said that all he and the family wanted was that the officers be made to answer to a judge and jury "like anyone else who shot a defenseless girl 12 times while she sat unconscious in her car."

Since then Miller has been painted as a fun loving girl who may have dropped out of school but had dreams about joining the army.

The previous assaults her and her friends had done on other girls and the threats she made to a co-worker that got her fired from a security job when the co-worker asked her not to let her gang member friends hang around were glossed over. Oh a few weeks later she reapplied for her job. Crackheads have no memory.

Jeffrey Dahmer was described as such a nice quiet young man.

John Travolta's Son Dead

2009-01-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

The son of aging movie star John Travolta died while at a resort in the Bahamas. The 16-year-old Jett was vacationing with Travolta and wife Kelly Preston.

There have been reports that Jett was autistic, though Travolta has denied it as autism doesn't exist in Scientology. He said instead that he suffered from Kawasaki Syndrome, a condition which the sufferer believes themselves to be a Japanese motorcycle and often leads to heart disease.

Jett suffered from seizures and was last seen going into the bathroom at their private suite at the Old Bahama Bay Resort . The body was discovered by the caretaker.

An autopsy is being performed to determine the exact cause of death. Saturday night fever has not been ruled out.

OBB News extends its condolences but at the same time asks, "Where is your God now Scientologist?"

Doctor Congo Must Be Stopped

2009-01-04T00:46:00.000-08:00

The UN refugee agency says rebels from the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA) lead by Dr Congo are advancing towards the Central African Republic and villages are being set alight, women raped and children being forced to do chores and homework.

LRA rebels massacred close to 500 villagers in the past week, near the border with Uganda.

It follows an offensive against the rebels launched in December by Ugandan, Southern Sudanese and Congolese forces.

Meanwhile, there are reports of LRA attacks on villages in southern Sudan.

Meanwhile, the governor of the Sudanese region of Western Equatoria, Jemma Nunu Kumba, said that insecurity was increasing along Congo's border with Sudan.

"The LRA are attacking and looting communities, including parts of Maridi, Ibba, Yambio, Ezo and Nzara counties, as they continue to escape the regional operations," she said, referring to areas bordering on the Democratic Republic of Congo.

DR Congo for the last few years, is wanted by the International Criminal Court for war crimes and crimes against humanity.

OBB News is wondering why this is not exactly headline news in the west. Oh thats right its black people.

Are Children Marrying Too Young?

2009-01-03T00:06:00.000-08:00

Anonymous the bane of the blogging world has done it again but this time for good and not evil. They paid for 8-year-old Nojoud's 30-year-old husband to divorce her.
Not from a civilised country but instead from the Yemen where this is an all too common occurrence. Feminist groups in Yemen are urging the Parliament to legally define a minimum marriage age.

A few months ago, Nojoud was an average 8-year-old girl from a poor family. Then Nojoud’s loving father decided to marry her off to a man more than three times her age. Overnight, Nojoud became a wife, enduring physical and sexual abuse for two months until she ran away with the help of her uncle and filed a court case against her father and her husband.

Lawyer Shatha Mohammed Nasser and Judge Abud Al-Khaleaq Ghowber, paid her way out of marriage with YR 100,000 from an anonymous donor in the Emirates.

“This was the first time a girl came to us for a divorce. We are going to do our best to push the parliament to change the marriage law,” said Judge Ghowber. Who is happy with a high divorce rate for under age girls.

“I am so happy to be free and I will go back to school and will never think of getting married again," Nojoud said joyfully. "It is a good feeling to be rid of my husband and his bad treatment.”

Nojoud with her lawyer in the court.

According to the International Center for Research on Women’s 2007 statistics, Yemen is one of 20 developing countries where early marriage is common. Nearly half of all Yemeni girls are married before the age of 18.

Most women have their first child immediately after their first menstruation cycle and are likely to have a child every 12 months during their reproductive lifespan. Yemen's fertility rate is extremely high, with an average 6.3 children per each woman, and the country also has some of the highest mother and infant mortality rates worldwide.

The Prophet Mohammad married a 9 year-old girl named Aisha when he was about 53 year-old. While OBB News understands that in less civilised cultures and religions such as Islam and Catholicism pedophilia is acceptable and protected but it is harmful to the children involved and the children that they give birth to. Nature should decide on when someone gets married and that is when they are phsyically and mentally prepared to do so and at their own free will.

Another divorce of an 8-year old girl to a 58 year old man has been turned down in a Saudi court as the judge said she is old enough to get married but not old enough to decide on a divorce.

"She doesn't know yet that she has been married," the lawyer said then of the girl who was about to begin her fourth year at primary school..

The father had agreed to marry off his daughter for an advance dowry of 30,000 riyals ($8,000), as the poor man was apparently facing financial problems.

OBB News suggests getting a job? just an idea.

Human Traffic Comes To A Stand Still

2009-01-02T02:06:00.000-08:00

There were 124 passengers on Northwest Airlines Flight 59 when it left the Netherlands. There were 125 when it landed in Boston.

A woman went into labour and gave birth to a healthy baby girl over the Atlantic Ocean on during the eight-hour flight from Amsterdam.

There was a doctor and a paramedic on the flight that assisted in the birth or at least they said they were.

The plane landed and the mother and baby were immediately taken to Massachusetts General Hospital.

The nationality of the mother is not known , but said for customs' purposes the baby was considered a Canadian citizen because she was born over Canada's airspace.

Usually people from the Netherlands smuggle drugs in their nether regions, this woman is being held by police for smuggling babies.

Some Things Never Change

2009-01-02T00:08:00.000-08:00

Former Labour Prime Minister Harold Wilson of the 1970's once complained that the BBC spends too much money and is run by hippies.

The BBC charges a licence fee saying that it doesn't have commercials just like how paying for cable was supposed to mean no commercials. Wilson described the fee as a 'regressive form of taxation'.

He complained that he was 'followed around the country by a large BBC television crew' who 'stayed in the best hotels and ate the best food'.

Isn't it funny how in the 90's Labour Prime Minister Tony Blair threw lavish parties at Number 10 for rock stars and embraced the whole 'Cool Britannia' era?

Only on OBB News will give you unbiased news. When the BBC cries about the Palestinians OBB news will state how they are just as bad as the Israelis and it was them who voted for Hamas after all.

OBB News asks you to think behind the story and educate yourself on the world.

News Stories Of 2008

2009-01-01T01:01:00.000-08:00

Eighteen-year-old Florida man Michael Alfinez was jailed for shooting a homemade rap video in which he coaxed his senile grandmother into holding a gun and threatening to "shoot all pigs."

According to detectives, 85-year-old Marie Huertes said she felt "ashamed" while viewing the video and that "they are making a criminal out of me because I like pigs." The rest of the Alfinez family chalked it up to the proverbial "misunderstanding" OBB News wonders what they will say when the porno comes out.

Meet The Grunts

A British court banned 32-year-old Adam Hinton from visiting the apartment of a 28-year-old girlfriend after neighbours complained about their noisy lovemaking sessions.
One woman told the court her young daughter was so traumatized by the sounds of intense pleasure that the toddler began suffering nightmares and wetting the bed. "These were sounds she had never heard before, it was like people having orgasms while playing basket ball," she added.

Aren't Teachers Supposed To Be Intelligent?

An English schoolteacher alleged in court that a Syrian airline pilot tricked her into having sex with him by claiming the best way to apply a certain gynecological ointment into her vagina was via the tip of his penis.
According to her lawyer, this happened more then once, and the man "thrust slowly or quickly" during specific sessions depending on "doctor's advice."

OBB News is glad the woman didn't have a sore throat too and wants her phone number as this reporter is trained in boob jobs.

Just A Little Off The Top Please

Phillip Seaton, aged 61 from Kentucky went in for a routine circumcision and his Dr ended up removing the whole penis. Seaton is suing Dr. John Patterson who claimed he spotted cancer and made an emergency decision that couldn't wait until he woke up a few hours later.

There was cancer but it wasn't serious. Seaton was awarded $2.3 million in damages and a sympathetic head shake from the judge.

Let this be a lesson about cutting bits off penis' just for the sake of it.

Tea? Coffee? Or Just A Little Cream?

A woman has filed a $200,000 lawsuit alleging an American Airlines crew allowed another passenger to go all "There's Something About Mary" up in her hair.
She had fallen asleep and awoke to find the stranger finishing off on her sexy hair do.

The reason she is suing the airline and not the man is because it didn't look like he had much.
He'd just get off anyway.

Dumb And Dumber

A 19-year-old British man has officially changed his name to Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk and the Flash Combined! He says it was better than his real name Smelly Tinkerbottom. Also a young man from Virgina has changed his name to Kentucky Fried Cruelty.com.

OBB News would insist on instant sterilisation for these two but what is the point as they are destined to die virgins.

Speaking Of Virgins

Tanya Devereaux, last year by ran for a seat on the Belgian senate on a platform of giving voters oral sex, is now offering to de-flower any virgin who supports net neutrality. Devereaux insists condoms must be worn, and the act can't last more than 30 minutes .

Ms Devereaux has this reporter's vote and word that he is a virgin. What Ms Devereaux will do for the other 29 minutes is up to her.

JC The Next JFK?

Police arrested an 18-year-old South Carolina high school senior for threatening to blow up his school. Ryan Schallenberger told authorities he wanted to die, go to heaven, and kill Jesus.
OBB News suspects that God might see through that plan.

Is Anyone Sitting Here?

Xing a 41 year-old Hong Kong man attempted to rape a steel park bench and managed to get his swollen Yang so stuck that the paramedics had to load the entire bench into the ambulance with him.
It took surgeons four hours to pry the man from the seating, and doctors stated that if it had taken much longer he would have lost his penis.

The bench refused to press charges.

Certainly No Picnic

Don't forget Art Price, Jr, 40, from Ohio who was charged with four counts of public indecency after a neighbour videotaped him getting all freaky with the umbrella hole in the middle of his plastic picnic table.

What is it with sexy outdoor furniture anyway?

Hello Creepy

Japanese women have started to wear contact lenses with an extra wide tint that makes the iris appear bigger just like the characters in anime comics . OBB News hopes the annoying dubbed voices don't become a trend too.

A Sucker Born Every Minute

Janella Spears, a nursing administrator and CPR teacher sent $400,000 dollars over the course of two years to con artists in a "Nigerian Scam" involving "official-looking documents and certificates from the Bank of Nigeria and the United Nations. President Bush and FBI Director Robert Mueller."

A fool and their money are easily parted. If you wish to help Ms Spears recoup her losses send $5.000 to OBB News and within 3 months you'll receive triple that amount as I have a friend who has a large cash stash in a Zimbabwean bank but needs your help to get it out.

Demons Can't Swim

A deceased beast washed up on a beach in Montauk, N.Y. it looks a bit like a dog with the sharp beak of an eagle.
Scientists at the Manhattan Zoology department tested the creature and found it to be the spawn of Satan and a sign of the up and coming apocalypse.

Go to Dell Thief

When Gabriel Saucedo broke into ASU Law student Alex Botsios's apartment wielding a bat the student let him take what he wanted until he went for the laptop. Alex wrestled Saucedo to the ground and beat the living objections out of his face, so much so that police had to take him to the hospital for stitches before they could properly book him.

Never come between a man and his Internet porn.

These are some of the stories from 2008 how was your year? A happy new year to you all for 2009 and don't end up on this News blog.

£100bn Error Shortens Lifespan

2008-12-31T05:17:00.000-08:00

Donald Moffat, aged 38, from Ayrshire, Scotland looked at his Barclays bank account online and saw two separate withdrawals of £50bn.

The bank said a "technical error" was to blame and apologised.

Mr Moffat said Barclays also offered £10 in compensation for the phone calls he had to make to resolve the error which will help with paying the £100 'technical error' fixing fee .

The full-time student, who is also a part-time care worker, e-mailed a copy of his bank statement to OBB News.

It showed a debit balance on 30 December of just under £100bn.

Mr Moffat said his wife had noticed "a major discrepancy of two £50bn debits" being taken out of his account.

"We knew we still had quite a bit left in the account as we checked last night before we went out on our private jet," he said.

"This morning I went out to get a few gold-plated things, then, when I came back, my account was overdrawn by that amount."

Mr Moffat said he had "been passed from pillar to post" after making the error known to Barclays.

He also said he was looking for the bank to up its offer of compensation for the level of stress he had been put under in trying to resolve the situation.

In a statement Barclays said: "Earlier today a technical error caused some customer accounts to be incorrectly debited.

"The problem was immediately identified and corrected within less than an hour, and all affected customer accounts are now showing correct balances.

"No customers will be financially impacted by this error. We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused our customers and they should suck it up or bank elsewhere of course there is a £5000 cancellation fee ."

Mr Moffat is annoyed and his hair instantly went white but he is somewhat relieved and now his account is only over drawn £10bn which is the correct amount.

Future President Named Tripp?

2008-12-30T01:08:00.000-08:00

You need a license to own a car or a dog but any moron can have a child.

Bristol Palin,aged 18, the daughter of failed Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston .

He weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Colleen Jones, the sister of Bristol's grandmother, told OBB News that "the baby is fine except for the silly name and Bristol is doing well too." Even though we didn't ask.

The governor's office said it would not release information because it considers the little bastard's birth a private, family matter you betcha darn tootin.

Spokespeople for the governor's former running mate, John McCain, have been banned from saying the name Palin and either would not confirm the birth or did not return messages from OBB News.

The father is Levi Johnston, aged 18 and is a fine young man. A hockey playing redneck High school drop out who now has a job on the North Slope oil fields as an apprentice electrician. All any mother could hope for.

It is pure speculation whether or not having a 17 year-old unwed pregnant daughter damaged Palin's credibility as a religious conservative during the election.

The campaign upon hearing the news did issue a statement saying Bristol "and the young man" would get married..

The baby now born out of wedlock and the couple still not married there has been talk about a summer wedding but that came from Johnston's mother who was recently arrested on felony drug charges so the exact summer was not mentioned. The summer of love maybe.

Since Palin failed to be elected this does not count as an election promise.

The Vatican Indulges In Yet More Hypocritical Bullying

2008-12-27T01:07:00.000-08:00

Pope Benedict XVI said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour was as important as protecting the environment.

The comments were "irresponsible and unacceptable", the UK's Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM) said.

Alan Titchmarsh, a TV celebrity gardener called the remarks "An outrage to Geraniums".

Vladimir Luxuria, a transgender former Italian MP, called his words "hurtful".

Defending God's creation was not limited to saving the environment, the Pope said, but also about protecting man from himself.

The man who thinks that a woman is a young boy made the comments in an end-of-year speech to senior Vatican staff.

It was not "out-of-date metaphysics" to "speak of human nature as 'man', woman or sexy little boy ", he said. It came from the "language of creation, despising which would mean self-destruction for humans".

Gender theories, he said, led to man's "auto-emancipation" from creation and Creator. God may have been stupid enough to give out free will but he also put me here to tell you what to do and think

"Rain forests deserve, yes, our protection but the human being... does not deserve it less," he said.

LGCM head Rev Sharon Ferguson said the Pope's remarks justified "gay bashing" and bullying.

Mark Dowd, strategist for Christian environmental group Operation Noah, said the comments betrayed "a lack of openness to the complexity of creation".

Derek Munn of the UK based gay rights group Stonewall criticises Pope Benedict XVI's comments

And Ms Luxuria, who recently lost her seat in the Italian parliament, said suggesting people like her were destructive was very hurtful.

"I'm someone who was born as male and has a spiritual and female soul, and it's contradictory that a Pope just thinks of people just made as flesh and not made of a spiritual aspect."

The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage. It teaches that while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.

Earlier this month, the Vatican said that a proposed United Nations resolution decriminalising homosexuality went too far.

"Unjust discrimination" against gay people should be avoided, but the use of wording such as "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" in the text would "create serious uncertainty in the law", it said

OBB puts out this question to the obviously insane former Nazi Pope Benedict XVI. If homosexual or transsexuals who have never hurt another living person are dangerous to humanity and just as important as a tree then where does heterosexual people like Ted Bundy or Fred West or celibate pedophiles like priests fit in?

OBB News shall await the Pope's response or threatened legal action as they have previously responded with to this News Blog with glee.

Men Call All The Shots Down Under

2008-12-26T01:31:00.000-08:00

One Australian Stay-at-home mum was more or less told to get a real job when she went to buy a cell phone.
Lyndal Fair, a thirty-six-year-old mother of three, wanted to purchase a mobile phone but Vodafone said No!, they don't sell phones to mums.

In fact, the store employees suggested the little lady should get her husband to purchase the phone under his name for her.

"I couldn't believe it. It was like being back in the '50s," said Mrs. Fair. "Being a mum is a full-time job and it's a very hard job - the hardest job you can have - because if you get it wrong, the ramifications for everyone are enormous," she added.

A Vodafone spokesman confirmed that the policy does not belong to just one store but to the company as a whole, adding that getting a man to purchase the phone was the easiest solution.

The policy is not meant to target mums alone, but anyone the company feels may not be able to afford a phone. "It's not an ideal situation. We're trying to fix it but we ain't too smart," said Greg Spears, the company spokesman.

Tragedy At The North Pole

2008-12-25T02:06:00.000-08:00

Weeks after refusing a government bailout Santa Claus who put $1.4bn (£1bn) into Bernard Madoff's fraud scheme has killed himself in his North-pole office.

Claus was found sitting at his work desk with both wrists slashed, a bottle of pills was found near him, but there was no suicide note.

Mr Madoff is accused of running a $50bn (£34bn) Ponzi scheme that wiped out investors around the world.

Mr Madoff's fraud has ensnared Wall Street investors and charities around the world, although the full extent of the losses is as yet unknown.

He is under house arrest in his Manhattan apartment, and his assets have been frozen.

Phyllis Molchatsky, a 61-year-old retiree from New York, is seeking $1.7m in damages from the US Securities and Exchange Commission.

It is believed to be the first attempt by an investor to recover losses from the SEC.

Mrs Claus was not available for comment but Long-socks one of the head Elves said: " Business as usual this year and all the good children not in 3rd world countries will get their presents."

"Next years Christmas is uncertain", commented the Ghost of Christmas future.

LA Mayor Suggests Jesus Booty Call

2008-12-25T01:52:00.000-08:00

Los Angles, California,USA. The riots in LA sparked by conflicts between black and whites over the election win of Barrack Obama have officially ended with police arresting over 200 people.

LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa said: " We need to live beside one another in peace and harmony and maybe some interracial sex to cement those bonds. At this time of year we should ask ourselves what would Jesus do? I cannot speak for Jesus but I do believe he'd tap some black ass in the name of love and peace."

Wise words indeed Mr Mayor and a Merry Christmas.

Wang Explodes For The Last Time

2008-12-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

Weather rockets are shot into the atmosphere in order to break up clouds to either protect crops or to simply improve the weather.
One of these rockets recently missed its target in the Chinese town of Wang Chung.

Inner Mongolia resident Wang Diange was killed after an explosion rocked the house where he was staying.
It was a raining so it was assumed the house had been struck by lightning.

Later on Wang's body exploded during his cremation blowing the doors off the chamber.

No one could figure out why the blast had occurred, until one of the fragments was found afterward bearing a military serial number. It was determined to be part of a shell casing.

The weather bureau had been firing the shells containing silver iodide in order to bust up some hail that was forming.

One unexploded shell lodged in Wang, and then went unnoticed due to his body being mangled.

Wang went out with a final bang.

When Monkeys Go Bad

2008-12-23T00:54:00.000-08:00

During a street performance in China the monkeys turned on the organ grinder.

One monkey had refused to ride on a bicycle, and was consequently beaten like you do with performing animals.

His two monkey friends came to the monkey's aid by taking the trainer's cane and returning the beating. They also pulled the trainer's ear and bit his head while an audience of highly entertained spectators looked on.

"They were once wild and these performances don't always come naturally to them. They may have built up some feelings of hatred towards me," the stunned trainer said to the audience.

OBB News can't think of any reason the monkeys would dislike getting beat while being forced to perform stupid tricks.
Later on in the day the trainer felt like hugging a cute Panda at a nearby zoo and was surprised when he was mauled.

Monkeys - 3 Trainer - nil.

Black Is Not The New Bond

2008-12-22T00:29:00.000-08:00

Puff 'P' Diddy Daddy has made a type of audition tape for his ad campaign for his new cologne 'I am king'.

Already making the rounds on YouTube, showing Diddy going jet-skiing in black tie, and wearing a lot of white tuxedo jackets and aviators. He has a beautiful woman on his arm at all times.

The ads are important, he says, because they show black men in a different light.

"The campaign shows an African-American male shot in a very elegant and sophisticated way," he said. "It's important that we can have images that will rival a Ralph Lauren or a Tom Ford. It just shows the possibilities."

" I thought that [the movie] was a way to put out a call out to different directors," he said. "I know how to do my own stunts. And without saying any words that's the hardest part of acting, without saying any words I can deliver a message of coolness and swagger."

All of the actors at the RSC know that Shakespeare's dialogue comes second to coolness and swagger delivered on jet-ski's in silence.

He's already got the movie concept worked out he'll play the New York based agent with a large over bite who helps the British Bond when he comes to town and gets himself into trouble. Maybe a love interest.

"I'm a dreamer," he said of his movie idea. " You've got to put things out there. If you put them out there, they come true."

Stick to reality shows and stealing samples of songs Mr Ditty or whatever your name is today. There are people out there who can act and that is what movies need. I think the current Bond has plenty of coolness, swagger and acting ability to spare without a former rap star to spoil things for him.

You elect a black President and now they think they can be James Bond. Time for a reality check.

The Whopper Virgins Vote

2008-12-21T12:55:00.000-08:00

The results just in. 97% of Whopper virgins want to be left alone and not exploited for burger sales.

Burger King Smells Like Sex

2008-12-20T10:00:00.000-08:00

Burger King is tapping the vast market of sex appeal. First there is the advertising campaign known as 'The Whopper Virgins' in which they travel the world to remote areas and de-virginise people who have never heard of the burger chain with their flame broiled burger.

If you think that is wrong then think about this. Burger king has a perfume for men known as 'Flame' at $3.99 the perfume smells like a flame-broiled hamburger.

Many chubby chasing men have applauded the scent designed to drive hungry women wild. The smell of the perfume has has mixed reactions. Some find it appealing and others disgusting.

Rickey Hammer from Boston who tried and liked the scent said: "Why can't they make something to have 'my' Whopper tasting like a BLT so I can get some action?"

Good idea Mr Hammer OBB News would not be surprised to see this or Burger King porn staring the creepy King mascot.

Fabulous Life Found On Mars

2008-12-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Much to the delight of those who oppose California's Prop 8 that overturns same sex marriage in the state NASA has found gay icon life on Mars.

Bette Midler poses on the Mars Rover on the surface of Mars to promote her latest Vegas appearances.

NASA has denied that the Mars Rover is really on a sound stage in Nevada next to the Moon sound stage where the Moon landings were filmed in 1969.

A NASA Spokesman said: "Ms Midler is so great she boosts the atmosphere anywhere she goes."

Earlier this year the Bat signal was seen on the planet Venus to promote the new Batman movie.

Romanian Ghost Likes The Spotlight

2008-12-18T00:45:00.000-08:00

The Decebal Hotel in Romania has become a local attraction after a photograph of a ghost was published by the local media.

The 150-year-old hotel is believed to hide ancient Roman treasure under its foundations and the ghost is said by locals to keep treasure hunters away.

The hotel has been closed for renovations for five years but people who have ventured inside claim to have seen and photographed the ghost.

Victoria Iovan, 33, said: "I photographed my naked boyfriend touching himself in the hotel. Back home I was shocked to see another shadow in the picture. "

A high school student called Alexandra, said he and six classmates went into the hotel late one evening for fun.

"All of a sudden we felt a cold air and we saw a grey silhouette close to us. We couldn't find our way out because we ran so fast and left our beer behind," he said.

Local authorities have warned people not to go into the hotel because they say it is unsafe because of the building work.

Love And Marriage

2008-12-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

Worcester, England, Sophie Clarke, 29, an accountant had spent three years preparing and calculating for her wedding to porn shop manager Karl Woods, 36.

A traditional horse and carriage arrived at her house at 12.30pm to take her and her father, Bob Clarke, 56, to their wedding at nearby St Leonard's Church in Bretforton.

But during the journey, the horse bolted after becoming scared by the oncoming traffic and the driver of the carriage and his assistant both fell off.

Meanwhile, the wedding guests waited at the church until a giggling passer-by told them the news and a friend rushed the groom to the scene of the accident.

Miss Clarke was taken to Worcester Hospital in a neck brace on a stretcher but was released the same day suffering from concussion and minor cuts and bruises.

Despite their dream wedding being cancelled, the bride remained positive and was thankful to be alive.

A tearful Miss Clarke said at her home "The horse just become spooked and went out of control. The driver jumped off and suddenly my dad and I were on our own, careering in to the distance.

"We must have been going at least 30 miles per hour, we kept going for about another mile and a half, over a railway track, totally out of control. We really thought we were going to die.

"A car driver nearby saw what was going on and tried to stop us by driving in front of the carriage but we just crashed right in to it and carried on going, that's when I decided to start screaming, I'm not paying for the damage to the car."

Seeing his daughter so distressed in her wedding dress her father Bob decided to push his daughter out of the carriage door and then jumped himself.

Miss Clarke said "We were approaching a sharp bend in the road and he just pushed me out, I didn't have a clue what was going on.

"I landed on the concrete road and my dad landed about 50 metres away on soft grass, I don't really remember what happened after that, but he saved my life he really is my hero.

"Obviously I am upset that the wedding did not happen but it has made me realise what is important. I just feel the luckiest girl alive to be sitting here and that we both got out safely. It was the scariest experience ever and completely life changing."

She had planned a glamorous reception at a nearby hotel and had even made her own wedding stationary.

Now the couple plan to marry at a simple ceremony in January with just close friends and family. No animals or children allowed.

Mr Woods, said "You can't put in to words the shock of the situation. When we got there she was lying in the road covered in blood with a paramedic telling her not to move. Obviously it was awful as everything had been paid for but I am just glad she is alright and I can't wait to get married next year."

If love and marriage goes together with a horse and carriage then they are doomed. Obb News gives them 3 years.

What would John Smeaton do?

2008-12-16T10:56:00.000-08:00

Dundee, Scotland, Three men who had their faces covered, burst into 3000 RPM in the Westport in Dundee and held 10-inch blades to Cameron Tyler's face and side before taking his wallet, phone, money and goods from the computer equipment store.

The 23-year-old said he got through it by thinking about what Glasgow Airport hero John Smeaton would have done.

Mr Tyler told OBB news that he was sitting in the back of the store having a smoke and a cup of tea when he heard the door open.

He said: "I saw two men jumping the front desk and one coming round the side of the desk.

"They rushed me into the back of the shop, two held knives to my face, one to my side, they threatened to stab me several times.

"They robbed my pockets, then forced me to open the till, made me help them in getting a bag, they also wanted my mobile phone and wallet, the whole time threatening me at knifepoint they wouldn't even let me finish my fag."

Mr Tyler said his main priority was to survive the ordeal.

"I thought 'What would John Smeaton do?'

"They had a knife at me, they were willing to use it if I wasn't going to co-operate so I did what I had to do."

John Smeaton hero of the Glasgow airport attack said from his Glasgow penthouse: " If I was there I would have melted the knives with my steely gaze and then kicked all three robbers in the knackers making them choke on their own gonads and then I'd have a smoke break."

Mr Tyler is not afraid of being back at work. "They're going to get caught, so they're not going to be able to do it again.

"For what they got in the end it wasn't really worth it. Stealing cars, robbing shops, armed robbery, it's not worth it, they're just idiots."

Bush Survives Deadly Shoe Attack

2008-12-15T00:03:00.000-08:00

Baghdad, Iraq, On trip shrouded in secrecy , President George W. Bush hailed progress in the war that defines his presidency.

Shortly after a journalist for Al-Baghdadia television, an Iraqi-owned station based in Cairo, Egypt tried to assassinate him .

The man hurled two size 10 shoes at him that he had managed to smuggle in past security on his feet.

Muntadar al-Zeidi shouted in Arabic "This is a farewell kiss, you dog!"

Bush using his super fast presidential reflexes ducked both shoes as they whizzed past his head and landed with a thud against the wall behind him.

"The war is not over," Bush said, adding that "it is decisively on it's way to being won."

Nearly 150,000 almost victorious U.S. troops remain in Iraq fighting a war . More than 4,209 members of the U.S. military have died in the conflict, which has cost U.S. taxpayers $576 billion since it began five years and nine months ago. It would have only cost $ 200 billion had another company than Haliburton been hired to supply troops.

"There is still more work to be done," Bush said after his meeting with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, "But its not my problem now so good luck."

It was at that point the journalist stood up and threw a shoe from about 20 feet away. Bush ducked, and it narrowly missed his head. The second shoe came quickly, and Bush ducked again while several Iraqis grabbed the man and dragged him to the floor.

In Iraqi culture, throwing shoes at someone is a sign of contempt. Iraqis whacked a statue of Saddam with their shoes after U.S. marines toppled it to the ground following the 2003 invasion.

White House press secretary Dana Perino suffered an eye injury in the news conference melee. Bush brushed off the incident, comparing it to political protests at home.

"So what if I guy threw his shoe at me?" he said. "A week of water boarding should sort him out."

After the news conference, the president took a 15-minute helicopter ride through dark skies over Baghdad to Camp Victory. Telling hundreds of troops he was "heading into retirement so if you die its not on my watch." Bush blamed Saddam for the 2003 invasion saying, "He was asking for it" and said, "America is safer and more secure" than it was before the war.

Warts Are For The Weak

2008-12-14T08:05:00.000-08:00

A south Lebanon farmer has grown a massive tumor out of his right hand, he now hopes to enter the Guinness World Records book.

“This giant weighs 11.3 kilos,” Khalil Semhat said at his farm in the Tyre area, 85 kilometres south of Beirut.

“I’ve been working the hand since I was a boy, and it’s the first time I’ve seen anything like it.” Semhat, 56, said he had not done anything special to inspire the monster but does masturbate a lot . “I didn’t use any chemicals at all,” he insisted, adding that he had to ask a friend to help him haul his huge growth around.

Now he hopes the find will get a mention in the famous Guinness book, and said he is working on a tumor near his left nipple for possible inclusion next year.

Old Women Don't Have Brains

2008-12-13T07:47:00.000-08:00

London, England. Archaeologists have discovered what they say is the oldest surviving human brain in Britain, dating back at least 2,000 years to the Iron Age.

The remains of the brain were found in a skull unearthed during excavations at York University in northern England, not a place you'd normally find brains.

They believe the male skull, which was found on its own in a muddy pit, may have been a ritual offering dating back to at least 300 BC just before noon on a Tuesday.

Rachel Cubitt, who was taking part in the dig, described how she felt something move inside the cranium as she cleaned the soil-covered skull's outer surface. Peering through the base of the skull, she spotted an unusual yellow substance.

"It jogged my memory of a university lecture on the rare survival of ancient brain tissue. We gave the skull special conservation treatment as a result, and sought expert medical opinion while I was having a rash looked at," she said in a statement to OBB News.

Philip Duffey, Consultant Neurologist at the Hospital said: "I'm amazed and excited that scanning has shown structures which appear to be unequivocally of brain origin. I think that it will be very important to establish how these structures have survived, whether there are traces of biological material within them and, if not, what is their composition. It is thought that pre-14th century brains were composed of cauliflower."

Dr Sonia O'Connor, Research Fellow in Archaeological Sciences at the University of Bradford added: "The survival of brain remains where no other soft tissues are preserved is extremely rare. This brain is particularly exciting because it is very well preserved, and shows that men obviously have the best brains and maybe women of that period didn't have brains as none have been found ."

Earlier this year, the skeleton of a man believed to be one of Britain's earliest victims of tuberculosis was discovered in a shallow grave. Radiocarbon dating suggests that the man died in the fourth century late-Roman period and had a small willy.

Swept Away

2008-12-06T23:16:00.000-08:00

A romantic marriage proposal on the Oregon coast turned deadly for the bride-to-be when a wave swept her out to sea.

Police don't suspect foul play in the disappearance of Leafil Alforque . Thick fog and dangerous water conditions off Neskowin Beach hampered the rescue efforts, and the search was called off .

Scott Napper had a ring in his pocket and planned to pop the question to Alforque, 22, at Proposal Rock, which got its name from couples ready to marry. Except he got his rocks wrong and picked Death Rock instead.

Napper said the tide had receded around the rock when the couple began to walk to it, but then a massive wave around 3 feet high suddenly came in.

"I turned into it to keep from getting pulled under it," Napper said. By the time he turned to find Alforque, who was only 4-foot-11, she had been caught by the receding waters.

"She was about 30 feet away, getting swept away," Napper said.

The 45-year-old Silverton man tore off his jacket to get rid of any extra weight as he already had enough of his own, and when he looked up again she was gone.

"That's the last I saw of her," the geezer that doesn't do 'swimming to the rescue' said , breaking into tears.

"I yelled for her," he said. "I was praying to God not to let a hot chick half my age who was willing to have sex with me die."

God was too busy handing out Darwin awards.

Napper and Alforque had been dating since they met on the Internet in 2005. Alforque arrived in Oregon on a visa from the Philippines just three days before the fateful trip to the coast.

The two had already set a wedding date for this week, but he wanted to use the moment to make a formal proposal and give Alforque the ring as he was broke after paying for the flight over to book a restaurant.

Her 25-year-old sister, Nova Alforque, said the family hopes the body can be recovered.

"My mother is always crying, day and night," Nova Alforque said by telephone from the Philippines. "She wants my sister back. Even if she is dead, she wants her body to bury."

Don't worry Mr Napper the Philippines is full of young barely legal desperate girls that want to live in America. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Burger Batter

2008-12-05T14:58:00.000-08:00

Florida, North America, A Vero Beach man faces charges after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger.

Vincent Gonzalez, 22, and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

Gonzalez would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed a Quarter pounder cheeseburger into her face.

The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man took the McDonald's burger and put it on her face again.

The man was released on $1,000 bond but may face attempted murder charges as his girlfriend is lactose intolerant.

McDonald's have refused to take any responsibility for selling comestibles that can be used as dangerous weapons.

A McDonald's spokesman said: "The dressings were centred the pickles were side by side not touching and the two slices of cheese were star shaped at the point of purchase. What the customer does with it after that is not our concern."

Breasts Are A Knockout

2008-12-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

Uganda the country that consumes the most alcohol in the world has the breast crime ever.

Gangs of women have been tricking men into sniffing their chloroform laced breasts, knocking them out.
When the men awake, they are usually naked, and without any of their possessions. Not the happy ending they thought they were going to get.

The police have managed to capture one of the women and are currently focusing their attention on the perkiness of the source of the sedatives .

Be careful whose boobies you plant your face and motorboat in as you never know. There is a lesson for all men here but will we listen?

Life On Mars?

2008-12-01T00:15:00.000-08:00

The Tofu 2 satellite took this image of what appears to be a structure on the planet Mars that resembles a face. Many in the scientific community claim it to be a sign of intelligent life on Mars while others have dismissed it as a trick of the light.

Cold Water Shrinkage

2008-11-29T00:34:00.000-08:00

Japanese zookeepers have finally worked out why two of their polar bears have not mated. The bears have both turned out to be female.

Tsuyoshi, a four-year-old "male" polar bear, and his 11-year-old female partner, Kurumi, have been living together since June at the Kushiro Municipal Zoo in Hokkaido, northern Japan.

The frustrated amateur zookeepers played Barry White music and shown porno movies but still the bears showed no signs of chemistry.

It had determined Tsuyoshi was a male three months after his/her birth and now the poor bear has a boy's name and a penis complex.

Ginger Prince Harry Says He Is Not Ginger

2008-11-27T02:04:00.000-08:00

At a recent comedy night in honor of his dad, Prince Charles. The spare to the throne Prince Harry wanted to make one thing clear: He's no ginger.
He told comedian John Cleese, who hosted the birthday comedy bash, "I'm not ginger. I'm auburn, that's what I've been told."

He has also been told that Prince Charles is his biological father which he also believes.

Black And White Carnage

2008-11-26T01:47:00.000-08:00

Beijjing, China, A college student was bitten by a panda after he broke into the bear's enclosure hoping to get a hug.

The student was visiting Qixing Park with classmates on Friday when he jumped the 6.5-foot - high fence around Yang Yang's habitat.

The student was bitten in the arms and legs. Two foreign visitors who saw the attack ran to get help from workers at a nearby refreshment stand, who notified park officials.

The student was a pale shade of yellow as he was taken away by medics but appeared clear-headed.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack," said the not so bright 20-year-old student, surnamed Liu, in a local hospital.

Yang Yang was behaving normally on Saturday and did not seem to suffer any negative psychological effects, a park employee said as students have been known to be quite toxic.

Last year, a panda at the Beijing Zoo attacked a teenager, ripping chunks out of his legs, when he jumped a barrier while the bear was being fed.

The same panda was in the news in 2006 when he bit a drunk tourist who broke into his enclosure and tried to hug him while he was asleep.The tourist retaliated by biting the bear on the backside.

Bear expert grizzly Adams said: " While animals like Pandas and Lemurs may look cute and harmless they are actually in the top 10 of nature's most effective killing machines as seen on Animal Planet. Only a full and thick beard will protect you from their vicious attacks."

Manager Gets Grilled Over naked Pictures

2008-11-25T11:26:00.000-08:00

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas left his cell phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant by accident. On the phone were naked pictures of his wife Tina.

Employees of the Fayetteville store took great interest in the missing property and promised to secure it until he returned. Since then the pictures have turned up on the Internet.

The Shermans have filed a lawsuit for $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment , the cost of having to move to a new home and a breast enhancement operation.

Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages..

McDonald's Spokesperson Hamburglar said: "We didn't steal the pictures we just borrowed them."

Edward Tandy a former employee of the store said in a brief comment: " LOL".

Tina Sherman has since re-thought her habit of sending naked pictures of herself to those in her top five.

Woman Happy to Have A Tapeworm In Her Brain

2008-11-24T23:18:00.000-08:00

Rosemary Alvarez,a 37-year-old Phoenix woman was told by doctors that she had a brain tumor. Alvarez had been experiencing difficulty swallowing , numbness in her left arm and her teeth had turned to rubber.

Neurosurgeon Peter Nakaji operated on her only to find a tapeworm called Taenia solium inside her head.
A problem that doctors are seeing more and more of and likely contracted by eating under cooked pork or food tainted with the feces of a person that had poor hygiene when handling food.

Dr Nakaji did not rule out Global warming as a cause either.

Alvarez is recovering well but is upset that her tapeworm didn't make her thinner instead it made her dumb as a box of frogs. She is back to living a normal life but at times likes to lick windows.

The Lard Faces Jail Time If Found Guilty

2008-10-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

Lincoln, Nebraska, North America . A Douglas County District Court judge threw out Sen. Ernie Chambers' lawsuit against Gog because the Almighty wasn't served a legal notice. And the judge doesn't seem to think it's possible to find the Almighty's front door.

Judge Marlon Polk wrote: "Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice".

Chambers, the longest serving state senator in Nebraska history, sought a permanent injunction against Gog. He said the Almighty has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants and also endowed the senator with a small limp penis."

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are poor or have the means of billionaire Warren Buffett of Omaha.

A fine American example to be able to sue anyone for anything and tie up the courts with stupid claims for years as written in the constitution somewhere at the back.

Chambers having the mind of a steel trap thinks he has found a loop-hole in the judge's ruling.

"The court itself acknowledges the existence of Gog. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of Gog's omniscience. Therefore, Gog would have actual notice of that lawsuit."

"Since Gog knows everything, Gog has notice of this lawsuit."

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal the decision or go onto medication and said he hasn't decided yet what to do.

During a court appearance in August, while sitting a few feet away from an empty table reserved for Gog and Gog's attorney (who never showed up) Chambers argued that courts and the U.S. government already routinely take notice of Gog.

Courts swear in witnesses with an oath that includes the phrase "so help me Gog." Plus, the pledge of allegiance describes "one nation, under Gog," and U.S. currency proclaims "In Gog We Trust."

Chambers regularly skipped morning prayers during his 38 years in the legislature and to his eternal damnation often criticizes Christians.

There Goes The Nieghbourhood

2008-10-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

A Cambodian couple who separated after 40 years of marriage decided to split everything 50/50 . The husband cut the house in two.
The split house is located in the Prey Veng province of southern Cambodia.

The husband was angry because his wife wouldn't look after him when he was ill with genital warts he caught from her sister as is the way in their village.

The husband and his friends moved his belongings to one side of the house and sawed and chiseled the house in half.

The couple also divided their property into four for themselves and their two children. It is lucky they didn't have three children.

He then moved his part of the house to his parents' property , and now he lives with his parents in their basement, the wife continues to reside in her upright half of the house.

Don't Be Blue Elvis Is Alive

2008-10-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

A woman claiming to be Elvis Presley's half-sister says the King of rock and roll is still alive and has convinced a Memphis judge to reopen the estate of the late Vernon Presley, the King's father.

Eliza A. Presley, who recently changed her name from Alice Elizabeth Tiffin, says she has DNA evidence to prove her claims.
An envelope licked and mailed to her earlier this year was allegedly licked by "Jessie Presley," an assumed name used by Elvis Presley. Total proof that the King did not die in 1977.

She also says she has proof that she is Elvis Presley's half-sister even though her mother denies she had an affair with Vernon Presley and wishes her daughter would take her medications.

The judge said his ruling was just to reopen the estate and did not confirm Eliza A. Presley's claims.

Eliza has also received letters from 'Dan Williams' an assumed name used by Steve Fosset and a letter from 'Bushy Bob Roberts' thought to be Billy the kid. She also gets radio messages via her radio from Harry Houdini.

Presley is her 10th name change this year.

Sneaky Missile To Be Used By The Military

2008-10-12T01:07:00.000-07:00

A revolutionary missile that can stalk a target until the perfect moment to strike is being developed by the Ministry of Defence for use against the Taliban in Afghanistan.

The lurker bomb will be able to shadow British troops for up to ten hours or 100 miles, ready to take out enemy targets with surgical precision at a minute’s notice.

The 12ft weapon officially named Fire Shadow and made in Britain will be used by the Royal Artillery and is expected to be operational by 2010.

Other missiles in development The Flasher whose casing falls away before it explodes best used in parks, The Stalker who calls and harasses the target before following it home and waiting outside to explode and The Spammer who repeatedly e-mails and texts the target telling them how big they will explode but then doesn't. The latter weapon is non-lethal and is just for annoyance.

No News Is Bad News

2008-09-28T00:54:00.000-07:00

Due to the crashing US economy there has been a worldwide shortage of news. President Bush has asked Congress to give him $800 billion dollars and superpowers to fix the problem.

The ones who are expected to be the hardest hit but the lack of news are the elderly and as winter approaches many might die unless something is done fast.

Deity Road Deaths At An All Time High

2008-09-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

A pedestrian was struck by a vehicle on Interstate 105 in South LA, North America, and dragged for nearly a mile before being hit by several other cars.

All Eastbound lanes were closed for more than four hours to inconvenience motorists and so that police could snap pictures for their blog.

Patrick Kimball of the Highway Patrol said the victim was walking on the free-way in the dark which is not usually a good idea.

The body carried identification that showed the man was a 67 year-old who went by the single name of Allah.

Officer Kimball was unsure what effect this would have on the war of terror.

Five Year - Old Swallows Balls

2008-09-07T00:11:00.001-07:00

Chris Morrison had been taking five-year-old black Labrador Oscar round the Pitreavie golf course in Dunfermline, Scotland for several months.

He took Oscar to the vet after noticing a rattling sound coming from his pet's stomach.

They then discovered that 13 golf balls were lodged in his stomach.

Mr Morrison, said one of the balls had been in his stomach so long that it had turned black and was decomposing.

He said: "He finds golf balls like truffles. We're not sure how long exactly this happened over, but it must have been a fair period several months at least. I felt his stomach and heard them rattling around. He normally brings a few home, but I had no idea he had eaten so many."

Also found in Oscar's stomach was a human hand, a car license plate and a WWII bomber that went missing during a training flight.

Oscar is now on the road to making a full recovery on a special diet of watered-down food and tennis balls.

Bob Hesketh, 40, principal vet at Vetrica in Rosyth, said he had never seen anything like it. "It was like a magic trick.

I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls.But they just kept coming until we had a bag full.Labs are known for a fondness for balls but usually you have to entice them by smearing peanut butter unto them."

Teen Beauty Gets A Big Head

2008-09-04T23:25:00.000-07:00

Corinne Coyle, 19, has vowed never to touch alcohol again after an exotic holiday cocktail containing a 'secret ingredient' caused her head to swell to abnormal proportions.

She was rushed to hospital in Crete's popular party resort of Malia after just a few sips.

The cocktail, bought in a Greek bar for 10 euros (£7.80), and served in a bowl, is said to contain a mixture of Baileys, chilli powder, tequila, absinthe, dog turds, ouzo, vodka, cider and gin, plus a 'secret ingredient' known as sauce of sun yung gi .

Corinne is safely back home after her ordeal but her facial features have still not returned to normal.

Her mum Fiona Roth, 43, of Astonbury Green, Easterside, explained how one drink turned her daughter's dream holiday into a nightmare.

She said: 'She drank about a third of it then her friend said 'have you seen your head?' Then Corinne said 'I know, I have brain-freeze'.

Soon after drinking the cocktail, Corinne's forehead had doubled in size she couldn't see out of her right eye because of the swelling. It was the first bar they had been to that night as they had planned a drunken pub crawl that would end in a bag of chips and unprotected sex with a stranger. Within 20 minutes of drinking it that was the reaction she got.

Corinne, an administrator in media and arts at the University of Teesside now gets mistaken for her mother who has not drank the cocktail.

100 Things To Do And Then You Can Die

2008-08-27T23:48:00.001-07:00

Dave Freeman, the co-author of "100 Things to Do Before You Die," a travel guide that recounts odd adventures died after hitting his head in a fall at his home. He was 47.

The book's recommendations ranged from the obvious - attending the Academy Awards and running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain - to the more obscure - taking a voodoo pilgrimage in Haiti, "land diving" on the Island of Vanuatu, which Freeman once called "the original bungee jumping" ,chasing the dragon and having midget sex.

On Sept. 11, 2001, Freeman watched the second plane hit the World Trade Center from his apartment just blocks away. He moved back to Southern California to be closer to his family and to feel more safe.

He was currently working on the book "100 safety tips for around the home" he had not reached falling and hitting your head yet. It will be released as a tribute but renamed "83 safety tips for around the home."

Even Criminals Need Sympathy For Getting Caught

2008-08-24T01:15:00.000-07:00

Hallmark are known for covering almost every event in your life from births to deaths to contracting painful STD's in their greetings cards.

Their card that covers death from a painful STD is a world wide best seller but never one you want to receive in the mail.

The Three Squares greeting card company have tapped into yet another one of the events in life that more than 1% of Americans will experience, getting sent to prison.

The cards are filled with tough-love messages; for example, the Christmas card reads "You had the choice to be 'naughty or nice.' And you chose...Oh well, now you have to do your time. But, Christmas won't be the same without you here. Stay safe. Merry Christmas."

Another card reads "We have not spoken in a long time. I'm ready to start communicating. I'll start by saying, your absence in my life hurts. I love you." Still.

My personal favourite would be " I told you so you stupid f**ker. I hope robbing that Mini Mart was worth all the shower rape........ enjoy."

Bigfoot Still On The Loose

2008-08-23T01:27:00.000-07:00

In a major shock it turns out that the Bigfoot body found by Rick Dyer and Matthew Whitton from Georgia, North America, was a fake.
The pair put up a Youtube showing the frozen Bigfoot body on their web site and then were interviewed on radio about the find.

After receiving an undisclosed sum of money they handed the frozen ape like mass to the Searching for Bigfoot team.

The DNA tests revealed the body to be an Ape costume with cinder blocks to add weight and animal guts thrown on top.

Dyer and Whitton admitted the hoax and then ran away. Whitton a police officer of seven years who was on medical leave after being wounded in the line of duty has been fired from his job for being a big fat liar.

It is believed that the stress of the Russian invasion of Georgia led the couple to lie to gullible morons about finding a mythical creature. Following the old adage of 'A fool and his money are easily parted' they proceeded to take advantage.

The Searching for Bigfoot team should try the Searching for real jobs team instead.