A Roof With A View

An 18-year-old man had secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire.

It was there for a year before his parents found out. The young penis obsessed man has been ordered to add a foreskin as his parents are anti-circumcision.

Too Young To Die Too Fat To Live

Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in government benefits.

The Chawners, haven't worked in 11 years, claim their weight is a hereditary condition and the money they receive is insufficient to live on.

So does that mean the couple are related to each other?

Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."The family claim to spend £50 a week on food and consume 3,000 calories each a day.

The recommended maximum intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men.

"We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner," Mrs Chawner told OBB News. She didn't say in what amounts though.

"All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes. Our whole family is overweight, stupidity and good looks are also in our genes," she added.

Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.

Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size. He was on a waiting list for a gastric band last year, but a heart condition made the operation unsuitable.

Their daughter Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers' Allowance each fortnight while Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.

Emma, said: "I'm a student and don't have time to exercise" she said "We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don't know how."

Maybe they shouldn't spend so much time eating. If you really 'wanted' to lose weight you'd do it no ifs or buts.

The Ugly Face Of Parenting

Cerrie Burnell is the 29 year-old host of the UK children's television show CBeebies, she was born missing the lower section of her right arm. Some parents of children who watch the show are disgusted that such an evil grotesque creature is allowed on the screen. The double standard is they have no problem with the pedophile dinosaur Barney.

The BBC has received nine formal complaints and hundreds of nasty messages on its Web site, some of which were so vicious they had to be removed..

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think the new woman presenter on CBeebies may scare the kids because of her disability?" wrote one adult on the CBeebies website. Other adults claimed that their children were asking difficult questions as a result, and you can't have that. "I didn't want to let my children watch the filler bits on The Bedtime Hour last night because I know it would have played on my eldest daughter's mind and possibly caused sleep problems," said one message.

The BBC received nine other complaints by phone. Burnell responded recently, saying that the negative comments "are indicative of a wider problem of disabled representation in the media as a whole, which is why it's so important for there to be more disabled role models in every area of the media."

OBB News agrees with Ms Burnell to a point. People of various disabilities should be shown on children's television as there is no shame in being disabled and children should learn, however like Ms Burnell they show also look attractive.

The expression, "Has a face for radio" was used to describe ugly people who should not be on the television like Mickey Rourke or Sarah Jessica Parker as that really is disturbing.

Run Forest Run!

A 15 year-old schoolgirl was surprised when she snatched the hand-bag of 72 year-old Mrs Hirst to discover she was a former All England Schools championship sprinter and still had a good bit of speed still in her.

Mrs Hirst gave chase, she soon began to close on the chavette who was forced to throw down the bag in her desperation to escape.

Mrs Hirst said: "Suddenly I felt 18 again. The adrenaline just kicked in and I seemed to turn back the years.

"She had a head start but I covered 70 yards in about 15 seconds and was within two strides of her when she looked over her shoulder and saw me.

"She probably thought I was an easy target but she shouldn't have judged a book by its cover. The look on her face was one of sheer amazement and she just threw my bag aside, I was not as out of breath as I thought I would be at my age."

Mrs Hirst, a widow, from Mansfield, Notts, was able to stop and pick up the bag which she described as containing her "whole life", including her purse, keys and address book.

Mrs Hirst, who has two grown up children, was later rebuked by her daughter who told her the girl could have had a knife or turned aggressive.

She added: "I didn't think of my safety, but I did pay for it a little the next day. I was covered in aches and pains and my daughter turned to me and said it was because I didn't warm up properly."

Under-Age Couple Have Baby

Alfie Patten now aged 13 became the youngest father in Britain following the birth of Maisie, who was conceived when Alfie was 12-years-old. His girlfriend Chantelle Steadman is aged 15.

When asked what he will do financially, Alfie - the little horn-dog whose voice has not yet broken - replied: 'What's "financially"?'

Mrs Patten, Alfie's 43 year-old mother has doubts over the paternity of the week-old child as others have also claimed to have had a sexual relationship with the schoolgirl, from Eastbourne in Sussex.

Richard Goodsell, 16, a trainee chef admitted he had been sleeping with Chantelle for three months and around the time she fell pregnant and has now demanded a DNA test to prove he's the Dad.

Richard said: “I know I could be the father. Everyone thinks I am. My friends all tell me that baby has my eyes— even my mum thinks so. Only a DNA test is going to sort this out properly. If I am the father, I have the right to know."

14 year old Tyler Barker also said: “I slept with Chantelle in her bed about nine months ago and I’m really worried I could be the father. I hope it’s not me. All my mates have been teasing me about it as she is a right minger but this isn’t funny, it’s serious.”

Both boys and their parents have made sworn statements in front of a solicitor detailing their nights of ugly under-age sex with Chantelle.

Chantelle of course insists she lost her virginity to Alfie and that she was on the pill but she forgot to take it.

Alfie has agreed to take a DNA test but still believes he's the Dad.

Simon Says Edna Does

Edna and Simon were married in England back in 2005. Edna is 73 and Simon is 35

The couple met through their love of the organ, oh yeah they both love playing on the organ. Simon is dyslexic and dyspraxic which means hes a clumsy person who has reading difficulties but it turns out hes a master with his organ.

Surprisingly he had never had a girlfriend before he met and married Edna, who has three children, all older than Simon.

Edna tells OBB News that they share "the same passion as a pair of 25-year-olds. We kiss about 150 times a day and not always on the mouth."

Simon admits to being a cross-dresser and Edna says of this "If he wants to dress up in a green caterpillar suit with pink flip-flops what does it matter? I don't give a monkey's."

The hot couple also stay in bed for marathon sex sessions that last for days. OBB News hope that her hips hold out.

OBB News is in no way responsible for anyone that throws up after reading this story.

Give Us The Blitz Any Day

It could be the end of the world as we know it. Jack-knifed lorries blocking motor-ways, Airport runways shut with significant delays and cancellations, London City Airport closed, trains canceled , buses not in service driving past bus stops, 1,735 traffic incidents over a 24-hour period in the East Midlands alone. Is this the apocalypse? Yes the UK has had snow!

Bush Attacks Police Officer

John Nash a corn fed 25 year-old police officer kept chasing a suspect for his first arrest even though he had a six-inch branch stuck in his eye.

He slipped on mud and slid head first into a bush while pursuing the man in Rochdale, Greater Manchester, just six days into the job.

The keen as mustard officer only realised he was injured when he arrested the suspect, who told him he had "better get to hospital".

After three hours of surgery, which saved his eye, and says he now just wants to return to work.

The officer was in an unmarked police vehicle following a car being driven erratically on an estate when it was abandoned in Walton Close.

Two men ran off and Pc Nash gave chase, in conditions described as "driving rain", and cornered one in a dead end.



The X-ray of Pc Nash's head shows the stick came to rest underneath his brain but as the brain wasn't very large there was no sign of any stick related damage.

It shows the dangers that police officers face every day, slipping and falling face first into shrubs has taken the lives of 3 British Boobies this year.

PC Nash has got his peripheral vision back and a "significant" amount of his sight has returned. He still cannot see bushes though.

The suspect was arrested but later released without charge.

So Much For Agincourt

About 150 homes were evacuated for about eight hours after police arrested a man and called the bomb squad when they searched his top floor flat in an Essex town.

Officers were called in the early morning to reports of a man with a longbow in Gladwin Way, Harlow.

Armed officers arrived and a 36-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of possessing an offensive weapon.

In the UK if you are found with a box cutter you will be charged with possession of an offensive weapon unless you can provide good reason for having it like using it for work. He must of annoyed a neighbour who called the police when he was out doing target practice.

The man's excuse of defense against alien or French invasion just wasn't good enough.

A suspicious car that looked swarthy and foreign found near the block of flats in Gladwin Way where the suspect lived was also taken away by police.

An Essex police spokesman said they had been concerned about a number of household items that had been adapted into a "science fiction style".

The Essex police are not used to microwaves and playstations.

The bomb squad said items believed "of concern" to police were not dangerous but highly entertaining and people have been returned home.

Love And Marriage

Worcester, England, Sophie Clarke, 29, an accountant had spent three years preparing and calculating for her wedding to porn shop manager Karl Woods, 36.

A traditional horse and carriage arrived at her house at 12.30pm to take her and her father, Bob Clarke, 56, to their wedding at nearby St Leonard's Church in Bretforton.

But during the journey, the horse bolted after becoming scared by the oncoming traffic and the driver of the carriage and his assistant both fell off.

Meanwhile, the wedding guests waited at the church until a giggling passer-by told them the news and a friend rushed the groom to the scene of the accident.

Miss Clarke was taken to Worcester Hospital in a neck brace on a stretcher but was released the same day suffering from concussion and minor cuts and bruises.

Despite their dream wedding being cancelled, the bride remained positive and was thankful to be alive.

A tearful Miss Clarke said at her home "The horse just become spooked and went out of control. The driver jumped off and suddenly my dad and I were on our own, careering in to the distance.

"We must have been going at least 30 miles per hour, we kept going for about another mile and a half, over a railway track, totally out of control. We really thought we were going to die.

"A car driver nearby saw what was going on and tried to stop us by driving in front of the carriage but we just crashed right in to it and carried on going, that's when I decided to start screaming, I'm not paying for the damage to the car."

Seeing his daughter so distressed in her wedding dress her father Bob decided to push his daughter out of the carriage door and then jumped himself.

Miss Clarke said "We were approaching a sharp bend in the road and he just pushed me out, I didn't have a clue what was going on.

"I landed on the concrete road and my dad landed about 50 metres away on soft grass, I don't really remember what happened after that, but he saved my life he really is my hero.

"Obviously I am upset that the wedding did not happen but it has made me realise what is important. I just feel the luckiest girl alive to be sitting here and that we both got out safely. It was the scariest experience ever and completely life changing."

She had planned a glamorous reception at a nearby hotel and had even made her own wedding stationary.

Now the couple plan to marry at a simple ceremony in January with just close friends and family. No animals or children allowed.

Mr Woods, said "You can't put in to words the shock of the situation. When we got there she was lying in the road covered in blood with a paramedic telling her not to move. Obviously it was awful as everything had been paid for but I am just glad she is alright and I can't wait to get married next year."

If love and marriage goes together with a horse and carriage then they are doomed. Obb News gives them 3 years.

Old Women Don't Have Brains

London, England. Archaeologists have discovered what they say is the oldest surviving human brain in Britain, dating back at least 2,000 years to the Iron Age.

The remains of the brain were found in a skull unearthed during excavations at York University in northern England, not a place you'd normally find brains.

They believe the male skull, which was found on its own in a muddy pit, may have been a ritual offering dating back to at least 300 BC just before noon on a Tuesday.

Rachel Cubitt, who was taking part in the dig, described how she felt something move inside the cranium as she cleaned the soil-covered skull's outer surface. Peering through the base of the skull, she spotted an unusual yellow substance.

"It jogged my memory of a university lecture on the rare survival of ancient brain tissue. We gave the skull special conservation treatment as a result, and sought expert medical opinion while I was having a rash looked at," she said in a statement to OBB News.

Philip Duffey, Consultant Neurologist at the Hospital said: "I'm amazed and excited that scanning has shown structures which appear to be unequivocally of brain origin. I think that it will be very important to establish how these structures have survived, whether there are traces of biological material within them and, if not, what is their composition. It is thought that pre-14th century brains were composed of cauliflower."

Dr Sonia O'Connor, Research Fellow in Archaeological Sciences at the University of Bradford added: "The survival of brain remains where no other soft tissues are preserved is extremely rare. This brain is particularly exciting because it is very well preserved, and shows that men obviously have the best brains and maybe women of that period didn't have brains as none have been found ."

Earlier this year, the skeleton of a man believed to be one of Britain's earliest victims of tuberculosis was discovered in a shallow grave. Radiocarbon dating suggests that the man died in the fourth century late-Roman period and had a small willy.

Sneaky Missile To Be Used By The Military

A revolutionary missile that can stalk a target until the perfect moment to strike is being developed by the Ministry of Defence for use against the Taliban in Afghanistan.

The lurker bomb will be able to shadow British troops for up to ten hours or 100 miles, ready to take out enemy targets with surgical precision at a minute’s notice.

The 12ft weapon officially named Fire Shadow and made in Britain will be used by the Royal Artillery and is expected to be operational by 2010.

Other missiles in development The Flasher whose casing falls away before it explodes best used in parks, The Stalker who calls and harasses the target before following it home and waiting outside to explode and The Spammer who repeatedly e-mails and texts the target telling them how big they will explode but then doesn't. The latter weapon is non-lethal and is just for annoyance.

Victoria's Secret

A pair of Queen Victoria's bloomers, with a 50-inch waist, were snapped up for $9,000 by a Canadian buyer at a central England auction.

Auctioneer Charles Hanson said Queen Victoria's underpants belonged to "a very big lady of quite small stature with a very wide girth." She was said to be 5 feet tall.

The handmade knickers from the 1890s bear the monogram "VR" for Victoria Regina a real tongue twister. They are a open-crotch style, with separate legs joined by a drawstring at the waist, a popular style in the late Victorian era.

Also up for auction was Queen Victoria's chemise, with a 66-inch bust, sold for $8,000. Her nightgown sold for $11,000 and her ivory handled dildo that went for $10,000.

Queen Victoria lived from 1819 to 1901. She became queen at age 18 and was the U.K.'s longest-reigning monarch. Her reign is noted for both imperial expansion and the decreasing political power of the monarch.

Also for making crotchless panties popular.

Man Loses head Over Eviction

David Phyall, 58, cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home of 8 years to make way for developers.

The Hants man was found with his severed head beside the power tool inside his housing association flat shortly after receiving his eviction notice.

Deputy central Hampshire coroner Simon Burge listed the possible cause of death as ‘complete transaction of the neck’ and ‘chainsaw wound to the neck.’

The make of the chainsaw has not been released.

A spokesman for Sears who sell the 'Craftsman' brand of chainsaw and other power tools said: " We are proud that due to the unreliability and poor quality of our product no one has intentionally died using any of our equipment."

I Vant To Suck Your..................

Abbey Hawkins, 19, of Norwich, was driving to work when she felt a slight vibration on her chest but thought it was just her vibrating mobile phone in her jacket pocket.

The hotel receptionist had been wearing the bra for five hours when she plucked up the courage to investigate and found a baby bat in padding in her 34FF bra.

"That shocked me very much at the time, but it scuttled off under the desk into the dark. I was shaking from head to toe.

It looked quite cosy and comfortable in there so it was quite rude of me to take it out.

I did not notice anything as I put my bra on. The night before I had had one or two drinks and I was getting ready quickly.
The bra was in my drawer but it had been on the washing line the day before."

The bat was captured by one of her colleagues and stomped on before it had the chance to drain their blood.

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Soldiers Film UFOs

A soldier has reported seeing 13 unidentified flying objects in the sky while out on night patrol.

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Corporal Mark Proctor 38, of the 1st Battalion of the Irish Regiment was one of three soldiers who saw 13 unidentified flying objects in the sky while out on night patrol.

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He filmed the sighting, at Tern Hill barracks near Market Drayton, Shropshire, on his mobile phone and reported the sighting to Army officials.

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He described the 'craft' as "rotating cubes" in the sky, just after 11pm on Saturday, June 7.

"I was on duty in the guard room drinking Guinness and eating cabbage and corned beef when the other boys outside began shouting.

I went out to see what the commotion thinking they had caught a leprechaun and his pot 'o' gold was all ours but instead I could see thirteen craft in the skies to be sure," he said.

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"They were zig-zagging, but I filmed two before they disappeared. They were like rotating cubes with multiple colours.

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"I made a full report to my commanding officers and gave them my footage. The other lads were as amazed by it as I was."

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A 19-year-old private on patrol also saw the "fleet".

"There were about 30 lights passing over for a few minutes, very high but not at a great speed.

They were bright red. Another soldier saw them too," he said.

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The Ministry of Defence experts are studying Cpl Proctors mobile phone footage and have told the soldiers not to speak about the incident.

You may have read about this in The Sun newspaper in the UK or just here on my blog, so much for orders.

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MOD spokesperson said: “The MoD examines reports solely to establish whether UK airspace may have been compromised by hostile or unauthorised military activity.

Unless there is evidence of a potential threat, there is no attempt to identify the nature of each sighting reported.”

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The sighting above the military barracks came two hours before helicopter police officers reported an encounter with a huge craft 80 miles away near Cardiff.

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Quadriplegic Sailor Steps Up To Meet The Challenge

Hilary Lister, 36 from Kent, England , was the first quadriplegic to sail solo across the English Channel in 2005 (in 6 hours and 13 minutes). She then became the first female quadriplegic to sail solo around the Isle of Wight in 2007 (in 11 hours 4 minutes) Now she wants to sail solo around the British Isles.

Lister who was able bodied until the age of 15 suffers from the progressive condition reflex sympathetic dystrophy can only move her head she controls her ship by sucking and blowing tubes for steering and sails.

Each leg of her journey will last for 18 hours and then she will come ashore for the night to be changed and have baby powder put onto any diaper rashes.

She won't be so armless out there in the ocean as a team on land will provide support and protection against sharks and pirates..

The journey is expected to take about 3 months to complete and you just know the pressure is on to finish up fast as there are probably hundreds more insane quadriplegics who will try to do it faster.

Exports From Asia

Actual size.

Yet another fatal threat besides contaminated toys and medicines to be exported to the west from Asia is the Asian tiger mosquito.

The mosquito has already established itself in Northern Italy and has been found in Germany, France and the Netherlands and now it could be heading towards Great Britain say scientists at the Government's Health Protection Agency at Porton Down in Wiltshire. .

The tiger mosquito so named because of its stripes can

transmit Chikungunya fever, West Nile virus, Mad mosquito disease and Dengue fever.

The mosquito lays its eggs in water, it is thought it could survive in small pools that collect in tyres sent to Britain on container ships from Asia .

It has also adapted to dryer climates and has been known to lay its eggs in the eyes of people while they sleep.

People are at risk day and night from the bites of this mosquito which can cause a sharp pain like a needle prick and running around swearing and waving your arms in panic.

First found in used tyres in 1985 in Texas 2 years later it had spread to 17 states. It lays 100 to 300 eggs at a time and can carry up to 20 known diseases and 8 unknown ones.

A spokesman at Porton Down said: " The average Briton is too thick skinned for this mosquito to penetrate but we advise campers and others who sleep outside to wear an eye mask."

The almost mythical Asian bore worm that has been found chewing holes in concrete and living under the streets of California has been reclassified by experts as a sub-species to the Asian variety and has been named the Californian bore worm.

The public is advised to stay away from them if one is found as their pincers can easily remove fingers.

What A Lot Of Bull

Chilli the black and white Friesian bullock pictured here with his fondler Tara Nirula, is described as a gentle giant.

Despite his grand stature, Chilli only grazes on grass during the day and enjoys the occasional swede as a treat. The Swedish embassy was not available for comment.

The Bull from Ferne Animal Sanctuary in Chard, Somerset stands at 6 foot 6 inches from floor to shoulder and has been entered for the Guinness Book of Records.

Ms Nirula said: " We hope he is a record breaker otherwise he'll end up on the dinner plate, I'd be sad about that though I am also quite looking forward to it as Chilli is a fine lean animal."

Cold War Hot Tea

Top secret documents dating from 1954 to 1956 were released under the Freedom of Information Act by the National Archives in Kew, south west London.

They show that the British had their priorities right if it ever came to a Cold war nuclear attack.

A big problem they faced was stock piling enough tea to keep the survivors of a thermo nuclear holocaust happy and in good spirits.

There would be a very serious loss of 75% of stocks and substantial delays in imports and with no system of rationing it would be wrong to consider that even 1oz per head per week could be ensured, noted one official.

"No satisfactory solution has yet been found."

Tea was what helped Great Britain colonise a quarter of the world, defeat Germany three times (1966 world cup is seen to be as important as the world wars) and gives the British their super strength and flying abilities.

Who would want to live after a nuclear war without tea ? Only the uncivilised .

A Ministry of Food list "for departmental planning purposes only" puts London, Birmingham, Merseyside, Manchester and Clydeside as H Bomb targets.

Those listed as A bomb targets were Tyneside, Teesside, Leeds, Sheffield, Hull, Derby, Purfleet in Essex, Southampton, Portsmouth, Bristol, Plymouth, Cardiff, Coventry, Belfast and Larne.