Define Irony

New York, North America, The founder of an Islamic television station in upstate New York aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has confessed to undulating and beheading his wife perhaps in the name of Allah.
Muzzammil Hassan has been charged with murder in the death of his wife, Aasiya Hassan.

Muzzammil Hassan was charged with second-degree murder after police found the decapitated body of his wife, Aasiya Hassan, at the Bridges TV station in the Buffalo suburb of Orchard Park, said Andrew Benz, Orchard Park's police chief.

Attempts to reach an attorney for Hassan were unsuccessful, and his family didn't return calls from OBB News which is just plain rude.

He had two children, 4 and 6, with his wife. He had two other children, 17 and 18, from his previous marriage.

He launched Bridges TV, billed as the first English-language cable channel targeting Muslims inside the United States, in 2004. At the time, Hassan said he hoped the network would balance negative portrayals of Muslims following the attacks of September 11, 2001.

The station's staff is "deeply shocked and saddened by the murder of Aasiya Hassan and the subsequent arrest of Muzzammil Hassan," a statement from Bridges TV said.

"Our deepest condolences and prayers go out to the families of the victim and death to America," the statement said.

Police Say LOL To Gangs

The New York Police Department 'NYPD' is asking police recruits who have MySpace or Facebook pages to watch as an investigator looks through their most private postings.

The measure is designed to weed out would-be cops who have on their Web sites , violent or explicit imagery, racist rants and any other material considered objectionable. There is no written policy on what is objectionable investigators just know it when they see it. Sometimes the investigators comment LOL if the page is particularly good.

Without the applicant logging on, only a subpoena could get the NYPD that much access to the private Web pages.

One applicant had a picture of him pointing a gun at a buddy.

"He said it was just his friend," but at that point the interviewer thought it best that he not join the New York City Police Department as the safety was still on.

The police also Google would-be cops and visit them online in the public pages of social-networking sites which explains all the humourless commenters.

The department has been embarrassed by disclosures of inappropriate online postings by cops and recruits.

A rookie cop named Christian Torres was arrested and charged with twice robbing a Sovereign Bank in Manhattan, along with one in Pennsylvania.

Internal Affairs investigators discovered Torres had a MySpace page in which he posted cartoons about bank robberies and listed his profession as "Oink"making fun of the police nickname "pig" which many officers are proud of.

Other web pages have had videos of violent police beatings, explicit photos involving police uniforms or gear, and bigoted remarks. If you like that sort of thing one investigator said, you should read http://oldbitterballs.blogspot.com/

Some recruits networking accounts included boasts of gang membership, or photos of the applicant sporting gang-related tattoos and making gang gestures. Shaven heads and neck tattoos should have given them away but this reporter thinks that it shows how the educational system is working as 10 years ago only 2% of gang members were on-line compared to today's 74%.

In many states like Florida gang membership is a bonus as they have their own guns and know how to use them.

One recruit had pictures and stories of how he did drugs and liked to beat up black people, he was allowed to join as boys will be boys.

Ginger Dog Gets Sucked Off On New York Streets

New York, America, Robert Machin, 57, a retired public transport worker had just finished walking his two Boston terriers and was about to put them in his car when a road sweeping truck appeared and his dog Ginger was swallowed by the sweeper's round bristles.

“The animal was like a family member in my house,” said Mr Machin.

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Many of Mr Machin's family lounge around licking their parts and use the back yard as a toilet.

Witnesses say the vehicle was moving at about 30 or 40 mph, much faster than the 10 mph it’s supposed to go, and that the driver was listening to headphones.

“He came so close to the car that he sucked the dog off the leash,” said Isamar Maldonado, who saw the incident.

The Department of Sanitation issued a statement regarding the incident and said it will not charge Mr Machin for any damage done to it's equipment nor for the cleaning of his dog.

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Toad Lickers Beware!

New York's poison control center issued the warning for New Yorkers to stay away from an illegal aphrodisiac made from toad venom after the product killed a man.

A hospital reported that a 35-year-old man who ingested the hard, brown substance died earlier this month. The victim, whose identity was not released, was admitted to the hospital complaining of chest and abdominal pain. He died two days later.

The product is sold under names including Piedra, Love Stone, Jamaican Stone, Wood Stone, Black Stone, Romancing The Stone and Chinese Rock at sex shops and neighbourhood stores.

It is banned by the Food and Drug Administration.Health officials said the hardened resin, made with venom from toads of the Bufo genus, contains chemicals that can disrupt heart rhythms sending all the blood to the penis.

The aphrodisiac was supposed to have been applied to the skin, not eaten, but authorities said even that use can be harmful.

"There is no definitely safe way to use it," said Dr. Robert Hoffman, director of the city's poison control center. "Don't buy it. Don't sell it. If you have it, don't use it. Throw it out, learn from my mistakes a painful 8 hour erection is no fun at all."

The same type of product killed a 40-year-old man in Brooklyn in 2002 and at least four New Yorkers in the early 1990s.

A 17-year-old boy also fell seriously ill, but survived following hours of aggressive treatment.

City investigators went looking for the poison and found it was being sold sporadically in grocery stores, smoke shops and from street vendors. Sometimes its sold in packaging labeled only in foreign languages and so the inspectors get confused.

It isn't clear how available the aphrodisiac is elsewhere in the U.S. but those who use it shouldn't be any great loss to mankind, authorities said.

Burglarised In A New York Minute

In New York a costumed crook known as the "Ninja Bandit" may have struck again on Staten Island, James Dalton of the New York City police said.
A home burglary fits the same pattern as 18 previous jobs said to have been committed by the black-clad masked thief since May.

The thief entered the home stealthily through a sliding door and left with thousands of dollars worth of jewelry.
The "Ninja Bandit" was so nicknamed after he wielded a set of nunchucks and performed some cheesy karate moves when he scuffled with a homeowner in his kitchen in September.
The homeowner was a former Cyborg from the future and managed to fight him off .

Other residents have said they too have encountered the burglar but the suspect has managed to escape each time with the cunning of a trained assassin or someone who has seen too many Ninja movies.

Police would like to see if he can really dodge bullets as that would be very cool and besides they like to shoot at things.

New York City police have also warned the public about another criminal on the loose, known as the "Arse Bandit" he preys on people in public restrooms and lonely car parks.

As the man strikes in a strong vigorous manner from behind the only description the police have is that he is athletic , well endowed and with great stamina.
Police urge the public to use the straight back and bent knee method if they drop their car keys while about to unlock their cars.