Stealth Fighter Jet

The US military has revealed their latest top secret fighter jet with stealth capacity. Invisible to the human eye and won't show up on radar.

12 of these stealth fighters have been made so far however the military would like help from the public to find 9 of them as they can't remember where they parked them.

Let Slip The Dolphins Of War

On this 'Animal World Day' the US military has unveiled their new weapon in the fight against terror and all things scary.
If Al Qaeda or Iran were ever to form a navy of some kind they will have to face Donnie the Dolphin.

Guided by remote control to an internal transmitter inside Donnie he can be given commands such as seek out enemy ships and leap out of the water killing enemy combatants with a powerful fin mounted laser.

Dolphins are thought to be very intelligent though not so intelligent as to swim off to freedom.

General Platayus said: " We have given these fish 3 squares a day and a porpoise in life. These animals have been given the chance that dogs, horses, chimps and even pigeons have been given, to serve my country and maybe die for it if lucky ."

Scientists Experiment With Lemurs

British scientists are experimenting with Lemurs to determine the effects of head wounds on infantry soldiers.

The Lemurs are strapped to tables, with their heads in a vise, then they are shot with an assault rifle.

The effects are immediately noticeable.

Without their heads, the Lemurs become dis- oriented and lethargic, they have trouble breathing, and no longer function fully as Lemurs.

The scientists speculate that head-wounded soldiers experience similar discomfort.

The Lemurs are kept in cages for 36 hours for observation.

They lose their appetites and often become depressed,which are symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome .

It is hoped that this kind of testing will advance the development of better headgear for troops on the front lines.

Animal rights groups have denounced the testing as "Barbaric" and say they shall campaign for its end.

Brigadier General Underhill commented: " The Lemurs would do worse to our troops given half the chance, no hippy tree hugger will tell the British army what to do, we'll whip the blighters. "

Due to Global warming Lemur evolution has advanced rapidly in the past 30 years. They have doubled in size and are said to have twice the intelligence of a very smart Dolphin or law student.

The most disturbing aspect of lemur growth has been their taste for human blood which has resulted in 48 deaths in Madagascar from 2006 to 2007 though numbers are thought to be higher.

Scientists employed by Hitler experimented by injecting Lemur genes into unborn babies. Rumours of a Human/Lemur hybrid colony in South America still surface now and again.