Saturday, November 29, 2008

Cold Water Shrinkage

Japanese zookeepers have finally worked out why two of their polar bears have not mated. The bears have both turned out to be female.

Tsuyoshi, a four-year-old "male" polar bear, and his 11-year-old female partner, Kurumi, have been living together since June at the Kushiro Municipal Zoo in Hokkaido, northern Japan.

The frustrated amateur zookeepers played Barry White music and shown porno movies but still the bears showed no signs of chemistry.

It had determined Tsuyoshi was a male three months after his/her birth and now the poor bear has a boy's name and a penis complex.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Ginger Prince Harry Says He Is Not Ginger

At a recent comedy night in honor of his dad, Prince Charles. The spare to the throne Prince Harry wanted to make one thing clear: He's no ginger.
He told comedian John Cleese, who hosted the birthday comedy bash, "I'm not ginger. I'm auburn, that's what I've been told."

He has also been told that Prince Charles is his biological father which he also believes.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Black And White Carnage

Beijjing, China, A college student was bitten by a panda after he broke into the bear's enclosure hoping to get a hug.

The student was visiting Qixing Park with classmates on Friday when he jumped the 6.5-foot - high fence around Yang Yang's habitat.

The student was bitten in the arms and legs. Two foreign visitors who saw the attack ran to get help from workers at a nearby refreshment stand, who notified park officials.

The student was a pale shade of yellow as he was taken away by medics but appeared clear-headed.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack," said the not so bright 20-year-old student, surnamed Liu, in a local hospital.

Yang Yang was behaving normally on Saturday and did not seem to suffer any negative psychological effects, a park employee said as students have been known to be quite toxic.

Last year, a panda at the Beijing Zoo attacked a teenager, ripping chunks out of his legs, when he jumped a barrier while the bear was being fed.
The same panda was in the news in 2006 when he bit a drunk tourist who broke into his enclosure and tried to hug him while he was asleep.The tourist retaliated by biting the bear on the backside.

Bear expert grizzly Adams said: " While animals like Pandas and Lemurs may look cute and harmless they are actually in the top 10 of nature's most effective killing machines as seen on Animal Planet. Only a full and thick beard will protect you from their vicious attacks."

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Manager Gets Grilled Over naked Pictures

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas left his cell phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant by accident. On the phone were naked pictures of his wife Tina.

Employees of the Fayetteville store took great interest in the missing property and promised to secure it until he returned. Since then the pictures have turned up on the Internet.

The Shermans have filed a lawsuit for $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment , the cost of having to move to a new home and a breast enhancement operation.

Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages..

McDonald's Spokesperson Hamburglar said: "We didn't steal the pictures we just borrowed them."

Edward Tandy a former employee of the store said in a brief comment: " LOL".

Tina Sherman has since re-thought her habit of sending naked pictures of herself to those in her top five.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Woman Happy to Have A Tapeworm In Her Brain

Rosemary Alvarez,a 37-year-old Phoenix woman was told by doctors that she had a brain tumor. Alvarez had been experiencing difficulty swallowing , numbness in her left arm and her teeth had turned to rubber.

Neurosurgeon Peter Nakaji operated on her only to find a tapeworm called Taenia solium inside her head.
A problem that doctors are seeing more and more of and likely contracted by eating under cooked pork or
food tainted with the feces of a person that had poor hygiene when handling food.

Dr Nakaji did not rule out Global warming as a cause either.

Alvarez is recovering well but is upset that her tapeworm didn't make her thinner instead it made her dumb as a box of frogs. She is back to living a normal life but at times likes to lick windows.