Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Mean Dogs Mean Dogs Whatcha Gonna Do?

Boise, Idaho, North America. No one has broken out of the Idaho State Correctional Institution in more than 20 years.

The reason for the success rate of the prison is the crazed perimeter guards who will rip you apart with their teeth and then hump your leg.

The institution is the only state prison in the U.S. to use sentry dogs . The program began in 1986, 24 mean dogs mostly German shepherds, rottweilers and Belgian malinois, with a few boxers , pit bulls and poodles roam the space between the inner and outer chain-link fences 24 hours a day, ferociously defending their territory.

Get too close to the fence and they will bare their teeth, bark and lunge. Set foot in their space and they will attack.

The animals themselves are former death row inmates dogs that were deemed too dangerous to be pets and would have been destroyed at the local pound if they had not been given a reprieve and assigned to prison duty.

"We're basically giving them a second chance at a good, healthy life with the chance of biting scumbags," said Corrections Officer Michael Amos, who heads the sentry dog program. "Those same instincts that make them a bad pet make them good sentries."

The canines save on manpower and are more reliable during power outages than electrical security systems and more effective in the fog and the dark than the humans posted in the lookout towers. They also seem to scare the crap out of the prisoners.

No one has escaped from the 1,500-inmate medium-security prison since the dogs were brought in. No one has even tried to get past the fences since the early 1990s

Even the dog trainers themselves have been mauled by these guard dogs. Veterinarians dart the dogs when they give them medical attention.

It takes a dirty dog to guard a dirty dog. OBB News salutes, Bingo, Fluffy , Wingnut and others for their continued and valuable service.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A Roof With A View

An 18-year-old man had secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire.

It was there for a year before his parents found out. The young penis obsessed man has been ordered to add a foreskin as his parents are anti-circumcision.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Too Young To Die Too Fat To Live

Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in government benefits.

The Chawners, haven't worked in 11 years, claim their weight is a hereditary condition and the money they receive is insufficient to live on.

So does that mean the couple are related to each other?

Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."The family claim to spend £50 a week on food and consume 3,000 calories each a day.

The recommended maximum intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men.

"We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner," Mrs Chawner told OBB News. She didn't say in what amounts though.

"All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes. Our whole family is overweight, stupidity and good looks are also in our genes," she added.

Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.

Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size. He was on a waiting list for a gastric band last year, but a heart condition made the operation unsuitable.

Their daughter Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers' Allowance each fortnight while Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.

Emma, said: "I'm a student and don't have time to exercise" she said "We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don't know how."

Maybe they shouldn't spend so much time eating. If you really 'wanted' to lose weight you'd do it no ifs or buts.

Friday, March 20, 2009

BB Gun Gangstas

Peter Caley, 79, was shot in the face with a BB gun by a group of young children as he worked on his allotment in Easingwold, North Yorkshire. The pellet narrowly missed his eye.

His wife Diane said: "They were primary school kids between about seven and 11. They could have taken his eye out does no one ever say that to kids anymore?"

North Yorkshire Police said they were treating the incident on Sunday evening very seriously as opposed to other crimes to which they snigger at.

Mrs Caley said: "My husband was down the allotments and he was attacked by about six kids who proceeded to fire these BB guns at him from a range of about 10 yards, hitting him quite violently on the nose within a millimetre of his eye."

She said her husband told her the children had laughed at him after the attack.

"It is just not funny, I mean he's 79 for goodness sake, going about his business in the place he enjoys the most," she said.

Her husband had been unable to give police a description of the culprits as it was dark at the time and he was too busy bleeding.

Local newsagent manager Wendy Moss said she was horrified and had decided to stop selling BB guns , sex swings and bondage equipment .

"We don't want to be associated with anything that is going to be a dangerous product. We're not saying we actually sold the one that caused the injury, but we obviously don't believe this is a good product to sell."

OBB News says: A newsagents that sells BB guns? The only thing you may get hurt on OBB News are your sensibilities. Children think its all fun and games until someone loses an eye .

The CO2 BB guns can penetrate wood and at 10 yards the lesser plinkers guns can do damage to soft skin tissue. OBB News hopes these stupid children are caught and flogged on the town square even though that is too god for them.

Monday, March 16, 2009

In Rod We Rust

Six year-old Mihir Kumar was celebrating the festival of Holi in India, when he slipped off the terrace of his family home and landed on a the five foot-long iron rod that was left standing on a building site.

Mehul was playing with colours on the terrace when he fell on an iron rod left standing on the under-construction terrace.

The rod punched through his ribcage and came out the other side. It was said to have hurt a little bit.

He underwent three-hour surgery at the Rajendra Institute of Medical Sciences to remove the rod.

He is now recovering in hospital and has been revered as a prophet as during Holi he was made holey when he fell from the sky like the prophet Mahatma Coat.

Dr Sandeep Agarwal, one of the three surgeons to operate on the boy, said he had miraculously escaped major internal injuries and commended the boy for his will power.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

McNugget Emergency

A Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald’s employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.
27-year-old Fort Pierce resident Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece last week but was later informed the restaurant had run out.

The McNugget Nazi of a cashier refused a refund and said all sales were final and told police she offered Goodman a larger portion of different food for the same price, but Goodman became irate.

Gee I wonder why.

Goodman called 911 and said: “This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one, I need the nuggets man.”

Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge and for being an idiot.

A McDonald’s spokesman says Goodman should have been given a refund, and she’s being sent a gift card for a free meal.

When they say a free meal they don't mean the works, they mean a Big Mac meal or a regular sized McNugget meal. I think for the utter stupidity Goodman should be given several meals all served by a clown other than the cashier because even in this recession McDonald's for some reason is still making a profit.

OBB News wishes to thank the people of Florida and Texas for without them these idiot stories wouldn't exist.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Gypsy Tramps Aren't Free

These girls must be on clearance.

Over 2,000 Roma teens and their parents gathered in southern Bulgaria to find a husband willing to pay a hefty price for his new wife.

The open-air bride sale takes place every year on the first Saturday after the start of the orthodox Easter fast as it is in the Bible............. some where at the back.

Girls arrive in their finest clothes and jewelry, their parts washed for once and their faces caked in makeup, eager to show prospective spouses their beauty. Bulgarian beauty seems to differ from actual beauty. Younger brothers and sisters tag along to eat sweets and enjoy the festive atmosphere.

As one mother explained to OBB News, "We take our daughters to this gathering so they could get acquainted with boys, for we do not allow our children to go to discos." Word on the street is that a beautiful young woman can fetch several thousand euros.

OBB News is all for the selling of teenagers and thinks there should be more of it and as for discos, all you have to do is watch Saturday night fever to see how wrong the whole disco thing is.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Who Is Next OJ Simpson?

U.S. Sen. Edward Kennedy has been awarded an honorary knighthood by Great Britain.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced the honour during an address to a joint drinking session of Congress in Washington. Kennedy, who is battling brain cancer, used that as an excuse not to attend Brown's speech.

The ailing senator hasn't been seen much since January's presidential inauguration, when he collapsed at a luncheon in a bid to steal the limelight and was briefly hospitalized.

Brown said Kennedy had helped bring peace to Northern Ireland, expand health care for Americans and improve access to education for children around the world. "And for all those things we owe a great debt to the life and courage of Sen. Edward Kennedy" .

OBB News wonders if Mr Brown has the right man.

His involvement in the long process that led to Northern Ireland's 1998 Good Friday peace accord was mostly siding with the Catholic terrorist side until they became unpopular among their own people. Millions of Americans have to live without health care and children around the world are idiots.

The 77-year-old brother of the late President John F. Kennedy has served in the Senate since 1962.

In a statement, Kennedy said he was "deeply grateful to her majesty the queen and to Prime Minister Brown for this extraordinary honor."

Kennedy, whose father, Joseph Kennedy, was U.S. ambassador to Britain between 1938 and 1940, was known as Yellow Joe because he would not live in London during the bombing but let his staff do so and wanted to surrender to Hitler as to not make him angry made lots of money during WWII .

Sen Kennedy also said the knighthood was "a reflection not only of my public life, but of things that profoundly matter to me as an individual. Like celebrating Secretaries day.

Other Americans to receive honorary knighthoods include Microsoft chief Bill Gates, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, Pedophile Michael Jackson and filmmaker Steven Spielberg.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The Ugly Face Of Parenting

Cerrie Burnell is the 29 year-old host of the UK children's television show CBeebies, she was born missing the lower section of her right arm. Some parents of children who watch the show are disgusted that such an evil grotesque creature is allowed on the screen. The double standard is they have no problem with the pedophile dinosaur Barney.

The BBC has received nine formal complaints and hundreds of nasty messages on its Web site, some of which were so vicious they had to be removed..

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think the new woman presenter on CBeebies may scare the kids because of her disability?" wrote one adult on the CBeebies website. Other adults claimed that their children were asking difficult questions as a result, and you can't have that. "I didn't want to let my children watch the filler bits on The Bedtime Hour last night because I know it would have played on my eldest daughter's mind and possibly caused sleep problems," said one message.

The BBC received nine other complaints by phone. Burnell responded recently, saying that the negative comments "are indicative of a wider problem of disabled representation in the media as a whole, which is why it's so important for there to be more disabled role models in every area of the media."

OBB News agrees with Ms Burnell to a point. People of various disabilities should be shown on children's television as there is no shame in being disabled and children should learn, however like Ms Burnell they show also look attractive.

The expression, "Has a face for radio" was used to describe ugly people who should not be on the television like Mickey Rourke or Sarah Jessica Parker as that really is disturbing.