Wednesday, December 31, 2008

£100bn Error Shortens Lifespan

Donald Moffat, aged 38, from Ayrshire, Scotland looked at his Barclays bank account online and saw two separate withdrawals of £50bn.

The bank said a "technical error" was to blame and apologised.

Mr Moffat said Barclays also offered £10 in compensation for the phone calls he had to make to resolve the error which will help with paying the £100 'technical error' fixing fee .

The full-time student, who is also a part-time care worker, e-mailed a copy of his bank statement to OBB News.

It showed a debit balance on 30 December of just under £100bn.

Mr Moffat said his wife had noticed "a major discrepancy of two £50bn debits" being taken out of his account.

"We knew we still had quite a bit left in the account as we checked last night before we went out on our private jet," he said.

"This morning I went out to get a few gold-plated things, then, when I came back, my account was overdrawn by that amount."

Mr Moffat said he had "been passed from pillar to post" after making the error known to Barclays.

He also said he was looking for the bank to up its offer of compensation for the level of stress he had been put under in trying to resolve the situation.

In a statement Barclays said: "Earlier today a technical error caused some customer accounts to be incorrectly debited.

"The problem was immediately identified and corrected within less than an hour, and all affected customer accounts are now showing correct balances.

"No customers will be financially impacted by this error. We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused our customers and they should suck it up or bank elsewhere of course there is a £5000 cancellation fee ."

Mr Moffat is annoyed and his hair instantly went white but he is somewhat relieved and now his account is only over drawn £10bn which is the correct amount.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Future President Named Tripp?

You need a license to own a car or a dog but any moron can have a child.

Bristol Palin,aged 18, the daughter of failed Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston .

He weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Colleen Jones, the sister of Bristol's grandmother, told OBB News that "the baby is fine except for the silly name and Bristol is doing well too." Even though we didn't ask.

The governor's office said it would not release information because it considers the little bastard's birth a private, family matter you betcha darn tootin.

Spokespeople for the governor's former running mate, John McCain, have been banned from saying the name Palin and either would not confirm the birth or did not return messages from OBB News.

The father is Levi Johnston, aged 18 and is a fine young man. A hockey playing redneck High school drop out who now has a job on the North Slope oil fields as an apprentice electrician. All any mother could hope for.

It is pure speculation whether or not having a 17 year-old unwed pregnant daughter damaged Palin's credibility as a religious conservative during the election.

The campaign upon hearing the news did issue a statement saying Bristol "and the young man" would get married..

The baby now born out of wedlock and the couple still not married there has been talk about a summer wedding but that came from Johnston's mother who was recently arrested on felony drug charges so the exact summer was not mentioned. The summer of love maybe.

Since Palin failed to be elected this does not count as an election promise.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Vatican Indulges In Yet More Hypocritical Bullying

Pope Benedict XVI said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour was as important as protecting the environment.

The comments were "irresponsible and unacceptable", the UK's Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM) said.

Alan Titchmarsh, a TV celebrity gardener called the remarks "An outrage to Geraniums".

Vladimir Luxuria, a transgender former Italian MP, called his words "hurtful".

Defending God's creation was not limited to saving the environment, the Pope said, but also about protecting man from himself.

The man who thinks that a woman is a young boy made the comments in an end-of-year speech to senior Vatican staff.

It was not "out-of-date metaphysics" to "speak of human nature as 'man', woman or sexy little boy ", he said. It came from the "language of creation, despising which would mean self-destruction for humans".

Gender theories, he said, led to man's "auto-emancipation" from creation and Creator. God may have been stupid enough to give out free will but he also put me here to tell you what to do and think

"Rain forests deserve, yes, our protection but the human being... does not deserve it less," he said.

LGCM head Rev Sharon Ferguson said the Pope's remarks justified "gay bashing" and bullying.

Mark Dowd, strategist for Christian environmental group Operation Noah, said the comments betrayed "a lack of openness to the complexity of creation".

Derek Munn of the UK based gay rights group Stonewall criticises Pope Benedict XVI's comments

And Ms Luxuria, who recently lost her seat in the Italian parliament, said suggesting people like her were destructive was very hurtful.

"I'm someone who was born as male and has a spiritual and female soul, and it's contradictory that a Pope just thinks of people just made as flesh and not made of a spiritual aspect."

The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage. It teaches that while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.

Earlier this month, the Vatican said that a proposed United Nations resolution decriminalising homosexuality went too far.

"Unjust discrimination" against gay people should be avoided, but the use of wording such as "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" in the text would "create serious uncertainty in the law", it said

OBB puts out this question to the obviously insane former Nazi Pope Benedict XVI. If homosexual or transsexuals who have never hurt another living person are dangerous to humanity and just as important as a tree then where does heterosexual people like Ted Bundy or Fred West or celibate pedophiles like priests fit in?

OBB News shall await the Pope's response or threatened legal action as they have previously responded with to this News Blog with glee.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Men Call All The Shots Down Under

One Australian Stay-at-home mum was more or less told to get a real job when she went to buy a cell phone.
Lyndal Fair, a thirty-six-year-old mother of three, wanted to purchase a mobile phone but Vodafone said No!, they don't sell phones to mums.

In fact, the store employees suggested the little lady should get her husband to purchase the phone under his name for her.

"I couldn't believe it. It was like being back in the '50s," said Mrs. Fair. "Being a mum is a full-time job and it's a very hard job - the hardest job you can have - because if you get it wrong, the ramifications for everyone are enormous," she added.

A Vodafone spokesman confirmed that the policy does not belong to just one store but to the company as a whole, adding that getting a man to purchase the phone was the easiest solution.

The policy is not meant to target mums alone, but anyone the company feels may not be able to afford a phone. "It's not an ideal situation. We're trying to fix it but we ain't too smart," said Greg Spears, the company spokesman.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Tragedy At The North Pole

Weeks after refusing a government bailout Santa Claus who put $1.4bn (£1bn) into Bernard Madoff's fraud scheme has killed himself in his North-pole office.

Claus was found sitting at his work desk with both wrists slashed, a bottle of pills was found near him, but there was no suicide note.

Mr Madoff is accused of running a $50bn (£34bn) Ponzi scheme that wiped out investors around the world.

Bernard L Madoff walking down Lexington Ave

Mr Madoff's fraud has ensnared Wall Street investors and charities around the world, although the full extent of the losses is as yet unknown.

He is under house arrest in his Manhattan apartment, and his assets have been frozen.

Phyllis Molchatsky, a 61-year-old retiree from New York, is seeking $1.7m in damages from the US Securities and Exchange Commission.

It is believed to be the first attempt by an investor to recover losses from the SEC.

Mrs Claus was not available for comment but Long-socks one of the head Elves said: " Business as usual this year and all the good children not in 3rd world countries will get their presents."

"Next years Christmas is uncertain", commented the Ghost of Christmas future.

LA Mayor Suggests Jesus Booty Call

Los Angles, California,USA. The riots in LA sparked by conflicts between black and whites over the election win of Barrack Obama have officially ended with police arresting over 200 people.

LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa said: " We need to live beside one another in peace and harmony and maybe some interracial sex to cement those bonds. At this time of year we should ask ourselves what would Jesus do? I cannot speak for Jesus but I do believe he'd tap some black ass in the name of love and peace."

Wise words indeed Mr Mayor and a Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Wang Explodes For The Last Time

Weather rockets are shot into the atmosphere in order to break up clouds to either protect crops or to simply improve the weather.
One of these rockets recently missed its target in the Chinese town of Wang Chung.

Inner Mongolia resident Wang Diange was killed after an explosion rocked the house where he was staying.
It was a raining so it was assumed the house had been struck by lightning.

Later on Wang's body exploded during his cremation blowing the doors off the chamber.

No one could figure out why the blast had occurred, until one of the fragments was found afterward bearing a military serial number. It was determined to be part of a shell casing.

The weather bureau had been firing the shells containing silver iodide in order to bust up some hail that was forming.

One unexploded shell lodged in Wang, and then went unnoticed due to his body being mangled.

Wang went out with a final bang.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

When Monkeys Go Bad

During a street performance in China the monkeys turned on the organ grinder.

One monkey had refused to ride on a bicycle, and was consequently beaten like you do with performing animals.

His two monkey friends came to the monkey's aid by taking the trainer's cane and returning the beating. They also pulled the trainer's ear and bit his head while an audience of highly entertained spectators looked on.

"They were once wild and these performances don't always come naturally to them. They may have built up some feelings of hatred towards me," the stunned trainer said to the audience.

OBB News can't think of any reason the monkeys would dislike getting beat while being forced to perform stupid tricks.
Later on in the day the trainer felt like hugging a cute Panda at a nearby zoo and was surprised when he was mauled.

Monkeys - 3 Trainer - nil.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Black Is Not The New Bond

Puff 'P' Diddy Daddy has made a type of audition tape for his ad campaign for his new cologne 'I am king'.

Already making the rounds on YouTube, showing Diddy going jet-skiing in black tie, and wearing a lot of white tuxedo jackets and aviators. He has a beautiful woman on his arm at all times.

The ads are important, he says, because they show black men in a different light.

"The campaign shows an African-American male shot in a very elegant and sophisticated way," he said. "It's important that we can have images that will rival a Ralph Lauren or a Tom Ford. It just shows the possibilities."

" I thought that [the movie] was a way to put out a call out to different directors," he said. "I know how to do my own stunts. And without saying any words that's the hardest part of acting, without saying any words I can deliver a message of coolness and swagger."

All of the actors at the RSC know that Shakespeare's dialogue comes second to coolness and swagger delivered on jet-ski's in silence.

He's already got the movie concept worked out he'll play the New York based agent with a large over bite who helps the British Bond when he comes to town and gets himself into trouble. Maybe a love interest.

"I'm a dreamer," he said of his movie idea. " You've got to put things out there. If you put them out there, they come true."

Stick to reality shows and stealing samples of songs Mr Ditty or whatever your name is today. There are people out there who can act and that is what movies need. I think the current Bond has plenty of coolness, swagger and acting ability to spare without a former rap star to spoil things for him.

You elect a black President and now they think they can be James Bond. Time for a reality check.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Whopper Virgins Vote

The results just in. 97% of Whopper virgins want to be left alone and not exploited for burger sales.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Burger King Smells Like Sex

Burger King is tapping the vast market of sex appeal. First there is the advertising campaign known as 'The Whopper Virgins' in which they travel the world to remote areas and de-virginise people who have never heard of the burger chain with their flame broiled burger.

If you think that is wrong then think about this. Burger king has a perfume for men known as 'Flame' at $3.99 the perfume smells like a flame-broiled hamburger.

Many chubby chasing men have applauded the scent designed to drive hungry women wild. The smell of the perfume has has mixed reactions. Some find it appealing and others disgusting.

Rickey Hammer from Boston who tried and liked the scent said: "Why can't they make something to have 'my' Whopper tasting like a BLT so I can get some action?"

Good idea Mr Hammer OBB News would not be surprised to see this or Burger King porn staring the creepy King mascot.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Fabulous Life Found On Mars

Much to the delight of those who oppose California's Prop 8 that overturns same sex marriage in the state NASA has found gay icon life on Mars.

Bette Midler poses on the Mars Rover on the surface of Mars to promote her latest Vegas appearances.

NASA has denied that the Mars Rover is really on a sound stage in Nevada next to the Moon sound stage where the Moon landings were filmed in 1969.

A NASA Spokesman said: "Ms Midler is so great she boosts the atmosphere anywhere she goes."

Earlier this year the Bat signal was seen on the planet Venus to promote the new Batman movie.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Romanian Ghost Likes The Spotlight

The Decebal Hotel in Romania has become a local attraction after a photograph of a ghost was published by the local media.

The 150-year-old hotel is believed to hide ancient Roman treasure under its foundations and the ghost is said by locals to keep treasure hunters away.

The hotel has been closed for renovations for five years but people who have ventured inside claim to have seen and photographed the ghost.

Victoria Iovan, 33, said: "I photographed my naked boyfriend touching himself in the hotel. Back home I was shocked to see another shadow in the picture. "

A high school student called Alexandra, said he and six classmates went into the hotel late one evening for fun.

"All of a sudden we felt a cold air and we saw a grey silhouette close to us. We couldn't find our way out because we ran so fast and left our beer behind," he said.

Local authorities have warned people not to go into the hotel because they say it is unsafe because of the building work.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Love And Marriage

Worcester, England, Sophie Clarke, 29, an accountant had spent three years preparing and calculating for her wedding to porn shop manager Karl Woods, 36.

A traditional horse and carriage arrived at her house at 12.30pm to take her and her father, Bob Clarke, 56, to their wedding at nearby St Leonard's Church in Bretforton.

But during the journey, the horse bolted after becoming scared by the oncoming traffic and the driver of the carriage and his assistant both fell off.

Meanwhile, the wedding guests waited at the church until a giggling passer-by told them the news and a friend rushed the groom to the scene of the accident.

Miss Clarke was taken to Worcester Hospital in a neck brace on a stretcher but was released the same day suffering from concussion and minor cuts and bruises.

Despite their dream wedding being cancelled, the bride remained positive and was thankful to be alive.

A tearful Miss Clarke said at her home "The horse just become spooked and went out of control. The driver jumped off and suddenly my dad and I were on our own, careering in to the distance.

"We must have been going at least 30 miles per hour, we kept going for about another mile and a half, over a railway track, totally out of control. We really thought we were going to die.

"A car driver nearby saw what was going on and tried to stop us by driving in front of the carriage but we just crashed right in to it and carried on going, that's when I decided to start screaming, I'm not paying for the damage to the car."

Seeing his daughter so distressed in her wedding dress her father Bob decided to push his daughter out of the carriage door and then jumped himself.

Miss Clarke said "We were approaching a sharp bend in the road and he just pushed me out, I didn't have a clue what was going on.

"I landed on the concrete road and my dad landed about 50 metres away on soft grass, I don't really remember what happened after that, but he saved my life he really is my hero.

"Obviously I am upset that the wedding did not happen but it has made me realise what is important. I just feel the luckiest girl alive to be sitting here and that we both got out safely. It was the scariest experience ever and completely life changing."

She had planned a glamorous reception at a nearby hotel and had even made her own wedding stationary.

Now the couple plan to marry at a simple ceremony in January with just close friends and family. No animals or children allowed.

Mr Woods, said "You can't put in to words the shock of the situation. When we got there she was lying in the road covered in blood with a paramedic telling her not to move. Obviously it was awful as everything had been paid for but I am just glad she is alright and I can't wait to get married next year."

If love and marriage goes together with a horse and carriage then they are doomed. Obb News gives them 3 years.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What would John Smeaton do?

Cameron Tyler

Dundee, Scotland, Three men who had their faces covered, burst into 3000 RPM in the Westport in Dundee and held 10-inch blades to Cameron Tyler's face and side before taking his wallet, phone, money and goods from the computer equipment store.

The 23-year-old said he got through it by thinking about what Glasgow Airport hero John Smeaton would have done.

Mr Tyler told OBB news that he was sitting in the back of the store having a smoke and a cup of tea when he heard the door open.

He said: "I saw two men jumping the front desk and one coming round the side of the desk.

"They rushed me into the back of the shop, two held knives to my face, one to my side, they threatened to stab me several times.

"They robbed my pockets, then forced me to open the till, made me help them in getting a bag, they also wanted my mobile phone and wallet, the whole time threatening me at knifepoint they wouldn't even let me finish my fag."

Mr Tyler said his main priority was to survive the ordeal.

"I thought 'What would John Smeaton do?'

"They had a knife at me, they were willing to use it if I wasn't going to co-operate so I did what I had to do."

John Smeaton

John Smeaton hero of the Glasgow airport attack said from his Glasgow penthouse: " If I was there I would have melted the knives with my steely gaze and then kicked all three robbers in the knackers making them choke on their own gonads and then I'd have a smoke break."

Mr Tyler is not afraid of being back at work. "They're going to get caught, so they're not going to be able to do it again.

"For what they got in the end it wasn't really worth it. Stealing cars, robbing shops, armed robbery, it's not worth it, they're just idiots."

Monday, December 15, 2008

Bush Survives Deadly Shoe Attack

Baghdad, Iraq, On trip shrouded in secrecy , President George W. Bush hailed progress in the war that defines his presidency.

Shortly after a journalist for Al-Baghdadia television, an Iraqi-owned station based in Cairo, Egypt tried to assassinate him .

The man hurled two size 10 shoes at him that he had managed to smuggle in past security on his feet.

Muntadar al-Zeidi shouted in Arabic "This is a farewell kiss, you dog!"

Bush using his super fast presidential reflexes ducked both shoes as they whizzed past his head and landed with a thud against the wall behind him.

"The war is not over," Bush said, adding that "it is decisively on it's way to being won."

Nearly 150,000 almost victorious U.S. troops remain in Iraq fighting a war . More than 4,209 members of the U.S. military have died in the conflict, which has cost U.S. taxpayers $576 billion since it began five years and nine months ago. It would have only cost $ 200 billion had another company than Haliburton been hired to supply troops.

"There is still more work to be done," Bush said after his meeting with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, "But its not my problem now so good luck."

It was at that point the journalist stood up and threw a shoe from about 20 feet away. Bush ducked, and it narrowly missed his head. The second shoe came quickly, and Bush ducked again while several Iraqis grabbed the man and dragged him to the floor.

In Iraqi culture, throwing shoes at someone is a sign of contempt. Iraqis whacked a statue of Saddam with their shoes after U.S. marines toppled it to the ground following the 2003 invasion.

White House press secretary Dana Perino suffered an eye injury in the news conference melee. Bush brushed off the incident, comparing it to political protests at home.

"So what if I guy threw his shoe at me?" he said. "A week of water boarding should sort him out."

After the news conference, the president took a 15-minute helicopter ride through dark skies over Baghdad to Camp Victory. Telling hundreds of troops he was "heading into retirement so if you die its not on my watch." Bush blamed Saddam for the 2003 invasion saying, "He was asking for it" and said, "America is safer and more secure" than it was before the war.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Warts Are For The Weak

A south Lebanon farmer has grown a massive tumor out of his right hand, he now hopes to enter the Guinness World Records book.

“This giant weighs 11.3 kilos,” Khalil Semhat said at his farm in the Tyre area, 85 kilometres south of Beirut.

“I’ve been working the hand since I was a boy, and it’s the first time I’ve seen anything like it.” Semhat, 56, said he had not done anything special to inspire the monster but does masturbate a lot . “I didn’t use any chemicals at all,” he insisted, adding that he had to ask a friend to help him haul his huge growth around.

Now he hopes the find will get a mention in the famous Guinness book, and said he is working on a tumor near his left nipple for possible inclusion next year.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Old Women Don't Have Brains

London, England. Archaeologists have discovered what they say is the oldest surviving human brain in Britain, dating back at least 2,000 years to the Iron Age.

The remains of the brain were found in a skull unearthed during excavations at York University in northern England, not a place you'd normally find brains.

They believe the male skull, which was found on its own in a muddy pit, may have been a ritual offering dating back to at least 300 BC just before noon on a Tuesday.

Rachel Cubitt, who was taking part in the dig, described how she felt something move inside the cranium as she cleaned the soil-covered skull's outer surface. Peering through the base of the skull, she spotted an unusual yellow substance.

"It jogged my memory of a university lecture on the rare survival of ancient brain tissue. We gave the skull special conservation treatment as a result, and sought expert medical opinion while I was having a rash looked at," she said in a statement to OBB News.

Philip Duffey, Consultant Neurologist at the Hospital said: "I'm amazed and excited that scanning has shown structures which appear to be unequivocally of brain origin. I think that it will be very important to establish how these structures have survived, whether there are traces of biological material within them and, if not, what is their composition. It is thought that pre-14th century brains were composed of cauliflower."

Dr Sonia O'Connor, Research Fellow in Archaeological Sciences at the University of Bradford added: "The survival of brain remains where no other soft tissues are preserved is extremely rare. This brain is particularly exciting because it is very well preserved, and shows that men obviously have the best brains and maybe women of that period didn't have brains as none have been found ."

Earlier this year, the skeleton of a man believed to be one of Britain's earliest victims of tuberculosis was discovered in a shallow grave. Radiocarbon dating suggests that the man died in the fourth century late-Roman period and had a small willy.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Swept Away

A romantic marriage proposal on the Oregon coast turned deadly for the bride-to-be when a wave swept her out to sea.

Police don't suspect foul play in the disappearance of Leafil Alforque . Thick fog and dangerous water conditions off Neskowin Beach hampered the rescue efforts, and the search was called off .

Scott Napper had a ring in his pocket and planned to pop the question to Alforque, 22, at Proposal Rock, which got its name from couples ready to marry. Except he got his rocks wrong and picked Death Rock instead.

Napper said the tide had receded around the rock when the couple began to walk to it, but then a massive wave around 3 feet high suddenly came in.

"I turned into it to keep from getting pulled under it," Napper said. By the time he turned to find Alforque, who was only 4-foot-11, she had been caught by the receding waters.

"She was about 30 feet away, getting swept away," Napper said.

The 45-year-old Silverton man tore off his jacket to get rid of any extra weight as he already had enough of his own, and when he looked up again she was gone.

"That's the last I saw of her," the geezer that doesn't do 'swimming to the rescue' said , breaking into tears.

"I yelled for her," he said. "I was praying to God not to let a hot chick half my age who was willing to have sex with me die."

God was too busy handing out Darwin awards.

Napper and Alforque had been dating since they met on the Internet in 2005. Alforque arrived in Oregon on a visa from the Philippines just three days before the fateful trip to the coast.

The two had already set a wedding date for this week, but he wanted to use the moment to make a formal proposal and give Alforque the ring as he was broke after paying for the flight over to book a restaurant.

Her 25-year-old sister, Nova Alforque, said the family hopes the body can be recovered.
"My mother is always crying, day and night," Nova Alforque said by telephone from the Philippines. "She wants my sister back. Even if she is dead, she wants her body to bury."

Don't worry Mr Napper the Philippines is full of young barely legal desperate girls that want to live in America. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Burger Batter

Florida, North America, A Vero Beach man faces charges after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger.

Vincent Gonzalez, 22, and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

Gonzalez would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed a Quarter pounder cheeseburger into her face.

The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man took the McDonald's burger and put it on her face again.

The man was released on $1,000 bond but may face attempted murder charges as his girlfriend is lactose intolerant.

McDonald's have refused to take any responsibility for selling comestibles that can be used as dangerous weapons.

A McDonald's spokesman said: "The dressings were centred the pickles were side by side not touching and the two slices of cheese were star shaped at the point of purchase. What the customer does with it after that is not our concern."

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Breasts Are A Knockout

Uganda the country that consumes the most alcohol in the world has the breast crime ever.

Gangs of women have been tricking men into sniffing their chloroform laced breasts, knocking them out.
When the men awake, they are usually naked, and without any of their possessions. Not the happy ending they thought they were going to get.

The police have managed to capture one of the women and are currently focusing their attention on the perkiness of the source of the sedatives .

Be careful whose boobies you plant your face and motorboat in as you never know. There is a lesson for all men here but will we listen?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Life On Mars?

The Tofu 2 satellite took this image of what appears to be a structure on the planet Mars that resembles a face. Many in the scientific community claim it to be a sign of intelligent life on Mars while others have dismissed it as a trick of the light.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Cold Water Shrinkage

Japanese zookeepers have finally worked out why two of their polar bears have not mated. The bears have both turned out to be female.

Tsuyoshi, a four-year-old "male" polar bear, and his 11-year-old female partner, Kurumi, have been living together since June at the Kushiro Municipal Zoo in Hokkaido, northern Japan.

The frustrated amateur zookeepers played Barry White music and shown porno movies but still the bears showed no signs of chemistry.

It had determined Tsuyoshi was a male three months after his/her birth and now the poor bear has a boy's name and a penis complex.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Ginger Prince Harry Says He Is Not Ginger

At a recent comedy night in honor of his dad, Prince Charles. The spare to the throne Prince Harry wanted to make one thing clear: He's no ginger.
He told comedian John Cleese, who hosted the birthday comedy bash, "I'm not ginger. I'm auburn, that's what I've been told."

He has also been told that Prince Charles is his biological father which he also believes.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Black And White Carnage

Beijjing, China, A college student was bitten by a panda after he broke into the bear's enclosure hoping to get a hug.

The student was visiting Qixing Park with classmates on Friday when he jumped the 6.5-foot - high fence around Yang Yang's habitat.

The student was bitten in the arms and legs. Two foreign visitors who saw the attack ran to get help from workers at a nearby refreshment stand, who notified park officials.

The student was a pale shade of yellow as he was taken away by medics but appeared clear-headed.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack," said the not so bright 20-year-old student, surnamed Liu, in a local hospital.

Yang Yang was behaving normally on Saturday and did not seem to suffer any negative psychological effects, a park employee said as students have been known to be quite toxic.

Last year, a panda at the Beijing Zoo attacked a teenager, ripping chunks out of his legs, when he jumped a barrier while the bear was being fed.
The same panda was in the news in 2006 when he bit a drunk tourist who broke into his enclosure and tried to hug him while he was asleep.The tourist retaliated by biting the bear on the backside.

Bear expert grizzly Adams said: " While animals like Pandas and Lemurs may look cute and harmless they are actually in the top 10 of nature's most effective killing machines as seen on Animal Planet. Only a full and thick beard will protect you from their vicious attacks."

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Manager Gets Grilled Over naked Pictures

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas left his cell phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant by accident. On the phone were naked pictures of his wife Tina.

Employees of the Fayetteville store took great interest in the missing property and promised to secure it until he returned. Since then the pictures have turned up on the Internet.

The Shermans have filed a lawsuit for $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment , the cost of having to move to a new home and a breast enhancement operation.

Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages..

McDonald's Spokesperson Hamburglar said: "We didn't steal the pictures we just borrowed them."

Edward Tandy a former employee of the store said in a brief comment: " LOL".

Tina Sherman has since re-thought her habit of sending naked pictures of herself to those in her top five.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Woman Happy to Have A Tapeworm In Her Brain

Rosemary Alvarez,a 37-year-old Phoenix woman was told by doctors that she had a brain tumor. Alvarez had been experiencing difficulty swallowing , numbness in her left arm and her teeth had turned to rubber.

Neurosurgeon Peter Nakaji operated on her only to find a tapeworm called Taenia solium inside her head.
A problem that doctors are seeing more and more of and likely contracted by eating under cooked pork or
food tainted with the feces of a person that had poor hygiene when handling food.

Dr Nakaji did not rule out Global warming as a cause either.

Alvarez is recovering well but is upset that her tapeworm didn't make her thinner instead it made her dumb as a box of frogs. She is back to living a normal life but at times likes to lick windows.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Lard Faces Jail Time If Found Guilty

Lincoln, Nebraska, North America . A Douglas County District Court judge threw out Sen. Ernie Chambers' lawsuit against Gog because the Almighty wasn't served a legal notice. And the judge doesn't seem to think it's possible to find the Almighty's front door.

Judge Marlon Polk wrote: "Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice".

Chambers, the longest serving state senator in Nebraska history, sought a permanent injunction against Gog. He said the Almighty has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants and also endowed the senator with a small limp penis."

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are poor or have the means of billionaire Warren Buffett of Omaha.

A fine American example to be able to sue anyone for anything and tie up the courts with stupid claims for years as written in the constitution somewhere at the back.

Chambers having the mind of a steel trap thinks he has found a loop-hole in the judge's ruling.

"The court itself acknowledges the existence of Gog. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of Gog's omniscience. Therefore, Gog would have actual notice of that lawsuit."

"Since Gog knows everything, Gog has notice of this lawsuit."

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal the decision or go onto medication and said he hasn't decided yet what to do.

During a court appearance in August, while sitting a few feet away from an empty table reserved for Gog and Gog's attorney (who never showed up) Chambers argued that courts and the U.S. government already routinely take notice of Gog.

Courts swear in witnesses with an oath that includes the phrase "so help me Gog." Plus, the pledge of allegiance describes "one nation, under Gog," and U.S. currency proclaims "In Gog We Trust."

Chambers regularly skipped morning prayers during his 38 years in the legislature and to his eternal damnation often criticizes Christians.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

There Goes The Nieghbourhood

A Cambodian couple who separated after 40 years of marriage decided to split everything 50/50 . The husband cut the house in two.
The split house is located in the Prey Veng province of southern Cambodia.

The husband was angry because his wife wouldn't look after him when he was ill with genital warts he caught from her sister as is the way in their village.

The husband and his friends moved his belongings to one side of the house and sawed and chiseled the house in half.

The couple also divided their property into four for themselves and their two children. It is lucky they didn't have three children.

He then moved his part of the house to his parents' property , and now he lives with his parents in their basement, the wife continues to reside in her upright half of the house.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Don't Be Blue Elvis Is Alive

A woman claiming to be Elvis Presley's half-sister says the King of rock and roll is still alive and has convinced a Memphis judge to reopen the estate of the late Vernon Presley, the King's father.

Eliza A. Presley, who recently changed her name from Alice Elizabeth Tiffin, says she has DNA evidence to prove her claims.
An envelope licked and mailed to her earlier this year was allegedly licked by "Jessie Presley," an assumed name used by Elvis Presley. Total proof that the King did not die in 1977.

She also says she has proof that she is Elvis Presley's half-sister even though her mother denies she had an affair with Vernon Presley and wishes her daughter would take her medications.

The judge said his ruling was just to reopen the estate and did not confirm Eliza A. Presley's claims.

Eliza has also received letters from 'Dan Williams' an assumed name used by Steve Fosset and a letter from 'Bushy Bob Roberts' thought to be Billy the kid. She also gets radio messages via her radio from Harry Houdini.

Presley is her 10th name change this year.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sneaky Missile To Be Used By The Military

A revolutionary missile that can stalk a target until the perfect moment to strike is being developed by the Ministry of Defence for use against the Taliban in Afghanistan.

The lurker bomb will be able to shadow British troops for up to ten hours or 100 miles, ready to take out enemy targets with surgical precision at a minute’s notice.

The 12ft weapon officially named Fire Shadow and made in Britain will be used by the Royal Artillery and is expected to be operational by 2010.

Other missiles in development The Flasher whose casing falls away before it explodes best used in parks, The Stalker who calls and harasses the target before following it home and waiting outside to explode and The Spammer who repeatedly e-mails and texts the target telling them how big they will explode but then doesn't. The latter weapon is non-lethal and is just for annoyance.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

No News Is Bad News

Due to the crashing US economy there has been a worldwide shortage of news. President Bush has asked Congress to give him $800 billion dollars and superpowers to fix the problem.

The ones who are expected to be the hardest hit but the lack of news are the elderly and as winter approaches many might die unless something is done fast.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Deity Road Deaths At An All Time High

A pedestrian was struck by a vehicle on Interstate 105 in South LA, North America, and dragged for nearly a mile before being hit by several other cars.

All Eastbound lanes were closed for more than four hours to inconvenience motorists and so that police could snap pictures for their blog.

Patrick Kimball of the Highway Patrol said the victim was walking on the free-way in the dark which is not usually a good idea.

The body carried identification that showed the man was a 67 year-old who went by the single name of Allah.

Officer Kimball was unsure what effect this would have on the war of terror.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Five Year - Old Swallows Balls

Chris Morrison had been taking five-year-old black Labrador Oscar round the Pitreavie golf course in Dunfermline, Scotland for several months.

He took Oscar to the vet after noticing a rattling sound coming from his pet's stomach.

They then discovered that 13 golf balls were lodged in his stomach.

Mr Morrison, said one of the balls had been in his stomach so long that it had turned black and was decomposing.

He said: "He finds golf balls like truffles. We're not sure how long exactly this happened over, but it must have been a fair period several months at least. I felt his stomach and heard them rattling around. He normally brings a few home, but I had no idea he had eaten so many."

Also found in Oscar's stomach was a human hand, a car license plate and a WWII bomber that went missing during a training flight.

Oscar is now on the road to making a full recovery on a special diet of watered-down food and tennis balls.

Bob Hesketh, 40, principal vet at Vetrica in Rosyth, said he had never seen anything like it. "It was like a magic trick.

I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls.But they just kept coming until we had a bag full.Labs are known for a fondness for balls but usually you have to entice them by smearing peanut butter unto them."

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Teen Beauty Gets A Big Head

Corinne Coyle, 19, has vowed never to touch alcohol again after an exotic holiday cocktail containing a 'secret ingredient' caused her head to swell to abnormal proportions.

She was rushed to hospital in Crete's popular party resort of Malia after just a few sips.

The cocktail, bought in a Greek bar for 10 euros (£7.80), and served in a bowl, is said to contain a mixture of Baileys, chilli powder, tequila, absinthe, dog turds, ouzo, vodka, cider and gin, plus a 'secret ingredient' known as sauce of sun yung gi .

Corinne is safely back home after her ordeal but her facial features have still not returned to normal.

Her mum Fiona Roth, 43, of Astonbury Green, Easterside, explained how one drink turned her daughter's dream holiday into a nightmare.

She said: 'She drank about a third of it then her friend said 'have you seen your head?' Then Corinne said 'I know, I have brain-freeze'.

Soon after drinking the cocktail, Corinne's forehead had doubled in size she couldn't see out of her right eye because of the swelling. It was the first bar they had been to that night as they had planned a drunken pub crawl that would end in a bag of chips and unprotected sex with a stranger. Within 20 minutes of drinking it that was the reaction she got.

Corinne, an administrator in media and arts at the University of Teesside now gets mistaken for her mother who has not drank the cocktail.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

100 Things To Do And Then You Can Die

Dave Freeman, the co-author of "100 Things to Do Before You Die," a travel guide that recounts odd adventures died after hitting his head in a fall at his home. He was 47.

The book's recommendations ranged from the obvious - attending the Academy Awards and running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain - to the more obscure - taking a voodoo pilgrimage in Haiti, "land diving" on the Island of Vanuatu, which Freeman once called "the original bungee jumping" ,chasing the dragon and having midget sex.

On Sept. 11, 2001, Freeman watched the second plane hit the World Trade Center from his apartment just blocks away. He moved back to Southern California to be closer to his family and to feel more safe.

He was currently working on the book "100 safety tips for around the home" he had not reached falling and hitting your head yet. It will be released as a tribute but renamed "83 safety tips for around the home."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Even Criminals Need Sympathy For Getting Caught

Hallmark are known for covering almost every event in your life from births to deaths to contracting painful STD's in their greetings cards.

Their card that covers death from a painful STD is a world wide best seller but never one you want to receive in the mail.

The Three Squares greeting card company have tapped into yet another one of the events in life that more than 1% of Americans will experience, getting sent to prison.

The cards are filled with tough-love messages; for example, the Christmas card reads "You had the choice to be 'naughty or nice.' And you chose...Oh well, now you have to do your time. But, Christmas won't be the same without you here. Stay safe. Merry Christmas."

nother card reads "We have not spoken in a long time. I'm ready to start communicating. I'll start by saying, your absence in my life hurts. I love you." Still.

My personal favourite would be " I told you so you stupid f**ker. I hope robbing that Mini Mart was worth all the shower rape........ enjoy."

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Bigfoot Still On The Loose

In a major shock it turns out that the Bigfoot body found by Rick Dyer and Matthew Whitton from Georgia, North America, was a fake.
The pair put up a Youtube showing the frozen Bigfoot body on their web site and then were interviewed on radio about the find.

After receiving an undisclosed sum of money they handed the frozen ape like mass to the Searching for Bigfoot team.

The DNA tests revealed the body to be an Ape costume with cinder blocks to add weight and animal guts thrown on top.

Dyer and Whitton admitted the hoax and then ran away. Whitton a police officer of seven years who was on medical leave after being wounded in the line of duty has been fired from his job for being a big fat liar.

It is believed that the stress of the Russian invasion of Georgia led the couple to lie to gullible morons about finding a mythical creature. Following the old adage of 'A fool and his money are easily parted' they proceeded to take advantage.

The Searching for Bigfoot team should try the Searching for real jobs team instead.

Friday, August 22, 2008

There Is Such A Thing As A Free Meal

A Canadian couple finally took a restaurant up on an offer that arrived 15 years ago by balloon.

For its 1993 grand opening, Nicky's Restaurant in Canton, Ohio, North America, released balloons with attached cards good for a free dinner for two.

One of the balloons made it across Lake Erie and into the backyard of Margaret and Ken Savory in Waterford, Ontario.
They were treated to pork chop dinners when they presented the card at Nicky's.

Owner Nick Augoustinos says he was shocked that they'd held on to the coupon for so long but when he found out they were cheap Canadians it all made sense.

Health problems had kept the couple from coming sooner, Margaret Savory said, adding: "I think that in back of my mind I was hoping that one day I would feel well enough to see if the place was here."

OBB News advises readers to phone the restaurants up first to see if they are still in business before making travel plans and for restaurants to put a use by date on any coupons sent out as this couple just got a free meal and probably will never return.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Are The Children Happy?

An Argentine priest went on trial charged with 17 counts of sexual abuse and corruption of three young boys.

Julio Grassi, 52, abused three boys who attended his well-known “Happy the Children” Foundation for underprivileged youths. The boys are on a list of more than 350 witnesses who will testify against Grassi over the next few months. The archbishop of Buenos Aires is also on the list.

The “Happy the Children” Foundation was created in 1993, and made Grassi into a renowned figure in Argentina, allowing him to bring in thousands of dollars in donations.

Many important public figures like actors Danny Glover, Sean Penn and presidential failure Al Gore have since distanced themselves from the priest.

Grassi reiterated a claim of innocence during a recess due to “irregularities” in the case, according to his lawyers.

The judge presiding suffers from Irritable bowel syndrome or IBS .

The priest has a Web site on which he also declares his innocence and says his life’s purpose is “to save children from a life on the street and give them a helping hand so they feel wanted and pretty."

More than 90 percent of Argentines identify themselves as Catholics, although less than 20 percent are practicing.

To that 90 percent the Protestant faith doesn't require so much practicing just turn up for a few Sundays and you are in.

The Bishop of Leeds said in a statement earlier, "Priests will be priests I've enough trouble keeping my lads in check without all that Latino blood rushing to their lower heads. Where is the harm as long as you happy up the children?"

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Miners Dig Ugly Women

The mayor of a remote Australian mining town has come under fire after saying that female "ugly ducklings" might benefit from its shortage of women.

John Molony told OBB News that "with five blokes to every girl, may I suggest that beauty-disadvantaged women should proceed to Mount Isa".

The council has since been swamped with complaints from both men and women.

But Mr Molony has refused to apologise for the remarks, saying he was "telling it like it is" in the Queensland town.

Located 1,829km (1,136 miles) from Brisbane, Mount Isa is home to one of the world's biggest underground mines.

In 2006, there were just 819 women aged 20-24 living there out of a total population of 21,421, according to the most recent census.

A fellow councillor, Jean Ferris, said the invitation to "beauty-Disadvantaged women" had caused consternation among both sexes.

"It's an absolute disgrace," she said. "It's not council's view and it's not mine. It's hard when you've got to defend something someone else has said. We're definitely appalled."

For the record Jean Ferris is quite the minger if fact a real double bagger.

Mr Molony has since refused to retract his marks and insisted he is "a bloke who respects women".

"I believe we should look after women," he said. "I'm told men outnumber women here by five to one. If that's the case, then perhaps it's an opportunity for some lonely ugly women, even retarded ones are welcome."

Well there are plenty of them in Australia so maybe romance can be found for all. Even people with the face of a bulldog licking piss off a nettle need love too.

Monday, August 18, 2008

No More Humping For These Three Men

Asian hunchbacks are said to be more potent than African according to The Lancet medical journal.

Police at Bibiani in Ghana, Africa, have arrestted three suspects in connection with the killings of hunchbacks and removal of their humps for rituals .

Nuhu Billa, also known as ‘Apana’, 50, Abdul Rahman Mohammed, ‘Taller’, 45, and Alidu Musah, also known as ‘Bon’, 44, were arrested in Bibiani, for allegedly murdering a 65-year old hunchback, YakubuBusanga, on July 22.

Busanga was said to have been abducted from his home at Bibiani on July 22, and his body was found three days later concealed in a sack at a refuse dump in the town, with a rope tied to his neck and the hump removed.

They are also suspected
of having killed two other hunchbacks and removed the humps two weeks before the murder of Busanga.

The suspects sell the humps to prominent people in the society for rituals with the belief that the blood of a hunchback is very potent for sexual virility, hair growth and removing those tough stubborn stains.

Within a spate of seven months, nine people had been murdered in the Bibiani area. They involved missing people who were later found dead with parts of their organs
and pianos missing.

Albinos and old women in the area are pleased they are going after someone else for a change.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Who Said The Lotto Is For Idiots That Can't Do Math?

Roanoke, Indiana, North America Bobby Guffey usually plays the same combination of numbers representing the birthdays of his five children.

But he left his glasses at home when he bought the winning ticket accidentally entering the last number as 48 instead of 46.

The Hoosier Lotto ticket ended up being worth $3 million.

"My wife says it pays to be blind," Guffey said after he accepted his winnings at the Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis.

Guffey, said he didn't realize he'd used the wrong number combination until he had left the Huntington service station where he bought it so he went back inside to buy a ticket with his usual numbers and that ticket won him $1,000 to go along with the jackpot.

He has been playing the Hoosier Lotto since it started in 1989. He said he's won about $5,000 on various tickets over the years.

He said to his wife, Janell, "pack your bags I've won the lotto" and kicked her out then he reconsidered as Janell is quite the babe. They are going to take a cruise to Hawaii next year and set up a trust fund for their five scrounging children and 10 grandchildren.

"Christmas will be a lot nicer," she said.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Bigfoot Ate My Baby

It must be true as they have hats.

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer showed on their web site a photograph of a hairy heap they claimed to be Big foot.

One of the two samples of DNA said to prove the existence of the Bigfoot came from a human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum, according to Curt Nelson, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who performed the DNA analysis.

Results of the DNA tests were revealed in an e-mail from Nelson and distributed at the Palo Alto, California, news conference held by Tom Biscardi, host of a weekly online radio show about the Bigfoot because there wasn't any real news that day.

Most scientists doubt that these creatures exist, but thoughts of the discovery of a new species that might be the closest living relative to man, or the possibility of finding a leftover dinosaur, excite the imagination of scientist and nonscientist alike
spawning movies and TV shows and increasing tourism to the area. Soon every sick bear or noise in the dark becomes Bigfoot.

Scientists generally believe there are still many species of birds and mammals that have not been discovered because they live in remote areas and their populations are limited. After all, the gorilla and giant panda were only legends until the late 19th century when their actual existence was first confirmed by scientists.
The komodo dragon, a 10-foot-long lizard, wasn’t known to science until 1912. The coelacanth, a deep-water prehistoric fish, was known only from 65 million-year-old fossils until 1938 when a specimen was caught alive of f the Madagascar coast
The Jackalope which is a rabbit with horns resembling that of an antelope was found to exist in Northern Australia only in 1952

Just last year a Navy torpedo recovery vessel dropped a sea anchor into 500 feet of water off Hawaii
and hauled up a 15-foot new species of shark as if we need more of them . The dead shark, named megamouth after its bathtub-shaped lower jaw, had an enormous, short-snouted head and 484 vestigial teeth all the better to eat you with.

What would happen to a new species if found alive? in
Washington county ,America so many people have been out hunting for a Bigfoot that a fine of $10,000 and a 5-year jail term for anyone who kills a Bigfoot would be enforced.
The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers even lists Bigfoot as one of the native species in its Environmental Atlas for Washington.

Florida and Oregon legislatures also considered bills protecting “Bigfoot” type creatures. A Bureau of Indian Affairs policeman has 18-inch plaster cast footprints of the “McLaughlin monster,” a Bigfoot-type creature he saw last month in South Dakota .

Scientists wishing to study and dissect endangered species are required to have a permit issued=2 0by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service or you can just go to your local post office and get one.

Does Bigfoot exist ? we know plaster casts of his feet do. As long as there are Americans being probed by UFO's and searching for the Loch Ness monster there will always be Bigfoot despite the ever growing population and decline of natural habitat .