Friday, February 27, 2009

Bush Too Good For Greeting Job

The former US president George W Bush entered a hardware store called Elliott's outlet with his security detail saying "I'm looking for a job", store manager Andrea Bond said.

The owner of the Texas chain made the offer to employ him as a greeter earlier this month in a letter published in a Dallas newspaper.

Bush showing that he still has an unrealistic view of the world decided upon reflection to turn the job down.

Mr Bush spent an hour with his secret service security detail, chatting to customers and doing a little shopping. He bought a chainsaw and some duct tape.

A part-time job that would have given Mr Bush time to look for something better and still have some rent money coming in

The employment package offered parking for his security detail and an employee discount. Mr Bush thinks he can do better in this economic climate.

Mr Bush and his wife Laura moved into their new home in an expensive area of Dallas on Friday. They have kept their ranch at Crawford, Texas.

OBB News hopes that Laura isn't so picky at the jobs she is offered as millions are laid off every day.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Blast From Last Years Idiot Crime Past

Above, Jordan "Tiddy" Tidwell, Franky "The Tank" Koonz, Rhian "Spaz" Jenkins and Melissa Jenkins

Florida of course, this crime from July 25, 2008, just speaks for itself about the sunshine state . Four young people were arrested for illegally climbing the county water tower and spray-painting the nicknames of three of them on the tower.

Deputies commanded all four to come down, which they did.

Jordan Tidwell, 18, had painted the name "Tiddy" on the tower. Franky Koonz, 18, had painted his nickname, "The Tank," on the tower. And Rhian Jenkins, also 18, had painted his nickname of "Spaz" on the tower. Melissa Jenkins, Rhian's sister, who was 21, was the most pathetic of all as she didn't have a nickname.

All four were arrested and charged with Burglary and Criminal Mischief.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Alls Fair In Love And Sport

Last November, 39-year-old Stuart Slann, from South Yorkshire, a loyal Manchester United football (soccer) fan, was vacationing in Cancun when he met two Liverpool supporters.

Being bitter rivals the two men (who are also cage fighters) grew tired of Slann's boasting that Manchester Utd holds the English Premier League and Champions League titles and decided to throw him in the pool like you do .

Scousers from Liverpool have a long memory. Just ask Ringo Starr. His topiary figure constantly gets beheaded because of negative remarks he made about his home town.

Upon returning to Liverpool, the two men decided to set up a fake Facebook profile under the name "Emma" and to lured Slann into a virtual love affair.

Slann drove 500 miles from his home to a remote location in North Scotland, where he thought Emma was eagerly awaiting his arrival.

When he finally reached the address "Emma" had given him, there was nothing but an old, deserted farm.

Soon after arriving, he received a text from "Emma," saying that she was still at work and that he would have to wait a while.
After waiting for three hours in his car, a worried and horny Slann called the number he had been texting and was shocked when a man picked up the phone. "Hello Stuart," the man said, "do you remember us? It's them Scouse lads who threw you in the pool. You've been framed."

Slann, who had been tricked into taking a "rude" photo of himself with his camera phone on the drive north, has since been divorced by his wife.

While he does think the trick was cruel, he said, "I'll hold my hands up and say they really wound me up."

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Kick Them When They Are Down

Microsoft have miscalculated the severance payouts to some of the approximately 1,400 employees that the company recently laid off.

The Microsoft Corp has sent out letters requesting a return of funds from those former employees who received apparent overpayment of severance benefits or they shall release the mosquitoes.

No doubt they were using their own accounting software.

The Microsoft Corporation won't say how much money is involved but are going through a lot of trouble to reclaim their funds. Maybe they wanted to send the extra money over to Africa.

Imagine getting fired and then finding out the company you served loyally says that you owe it money. I'm sure there is a special place in hell for the rich Microsoft CEO's.

In an update Microsoft's senior vice president for human resources announced the reversal of the action as stating: "I decided it didn't quite feel right," you mean the bad press didn't feel right.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Run Forest Run!

A 15 year-old schoolgirl was surprised when she snatched the hand-bag of 72 year-old Mrs Hirst to discover she was a former All England Schools championship sprinter and still had a good bit of speed still in her.

Mrs Hirst gave chase, she soon began to close on the chavette who was forced to throw down the bag in her desperation to escape.

Mrs Hirst said: "Suddenly I felt 18 again. The adrenaline just kicked in and I seemed to turn back the years.

"She had a head start but I covered 70 yards in about 15 seconds and was within two strides of her when she looked over her shoulder and saw me.

"She probably thought I was an easy target but she shouldn't have judged a book by its cover. The look on her face was one of sheer amazement and she just threw my bag aside, I was not as out of breath as I thought I would be at my age."

Mrs Hirst, a widow, from Mansfield, Notts, was able to stop and pick up the bag which she described as containing her "whole life", including her purse, keys and address book.

Mrs Hirst, who has two grown up children, was later rebuked by her daughter who told her the girl could have had a knife or turned aggressive.

She added: "I didn't think of my safety, but I did pay for it a little the next day. I was covered in aches and pains and my daughter turned to me and said it was because I didn't warm up properly."

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Dora Explores Her Sexuality

Mattel, Inc. and Nickelodeon/Viacom Consumer Products , announced today that Dora the Explorer™ is growing up!
The companies have introduced a whole new way to look at Dora for girls and some boys five years and up. It’s innovative, diverse, wholesome, bi-lingual and entertaining.

“For nearly ten years, Dora the Explorer has had such a strong following among preschoolers, catapulting it into the number one preschool show on commercial television,” says Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing for Mattel. “Girls really identify with Dora and we knew that girls would love to have their friend Dora grow up with them, and experience the new things that they were going through themselves like sex, pregnancy and getting into gangs. The brand captures girls’ existing love of Dora and marries it with the fashion doll play and online experiences older girls enjoy.”

“Dora the Explorer has been one of the most successful properties for nearly a decade, with an average of 21.1 million viewers, including 6 million preschoolers, tuning into the television show each month,” explained Leigh Anne Brodsky, president, NVCP. “We are thrilled to partner with Mattel to develop this brand extension that will enable girls to continue to learn and interact with their Latina heroine, Dora, as they grow up together into little sluts.”

As tweenage Dora, our heroine has moved to the big city, attends middle school and has a whole new fashionable look. Her parents on the show will still let her wander around dangerous areas unsupervised with her pet monkey.

Boots the monkey also grows up and becomes more aggressive as older monkeys do. One episode features Boots mauling Dora and having to be put down.

Yawn More Riverside UFO's

Taken by Riverside resident Alison Tate she claims she saw a large fast moving object and two smaller faster ones whizzing around it. In less than a minute they were gone.

OBB News wonders what is in the water over in Riverside.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Define Irony

New York, North America, The founder of an Islamic television station in upstate New York aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has confessed to undulating and beheading his wife perhaps in the name of Allah.
Muzzammil Hassan has been charged with murder in the death of his wife, Aasiya Hassan.

Muzzammil Hassan was charged with second-degree murder after police found the decapitated body of his wife, Aasiya Hassan, at the Bridges TV station in the Buffalo suburb of Orchard Park, said Andrew Benz, Orchard Park's police chief.

Attempts to reach an attorney for Hassan were unsuccessful, and his family didn't return calls from OBB News which is just plain rude.

He had two children, 4 and 6, with his wife. He had two other children, 17 and 18, from his previous marriage.

He launched Bridges TV, billed as the first English-language cable channel targeting Muslims inside the United States, in 2004. At the time, Hassan said he hoped the network would balance negative portrayals of Muslims following the attacks of September 11, 2001.

The station's staff is "deeply shocked and saddened by the murder of Aasiya Hassan and the subsequent arrest of Muzzammil Hassan," a statement from Bridges TV said.
"Our deepest condolences and prayers go out to the families of the victim and death to America," the statement said.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Under-Age Couple Have Baby

Alfie Patten now aged 13 became the youngest father in Britain following the birth of Maisie, who was conceived when Alfie was 12-years-old. His girlfriend Chantelle Steadman is aged 15.

When asked what he will do financially, Alfie - the little horn-dog whose voice has not yet broken - replied: 'What's "financially"?'

Mrs Patten, Alfie's 43 year-old mother has doubts over the paternity of the week-old child as others have also claimed to have had a sexual relationship with the schoolgirl, from Eastbourne in Sussex.

Richard Goodsell, 16, a trainee chef admitted he had been sleeping with Chantelle for three months and around the time she fell pregnant and has now demanded a DNA test to prove he's the Dad.

Richard said:
“I know I could be the father. Everyone thinks I am. My friends all tell me that baby has my eyes— even my mum thinks so. Only a DNA test is going to sort this out properly. If I am the father, I have the right to know."

14 year old Tyler Barker also said:
“I slept with Chantelle in her bed about nine months ago and I’m really worried I could be the father. I hope it’s not me. All my mates have been teasing me about it as she is a right minger but this isn’t funny, it’s serious.”

Both boys and their parents have made sworn statements in front of a solicitor detailing their nights of ugly under-age sex with Chantelle.

Chantelle of course insists she lost her virginity to Alfie and that she was on the pill but she forgot to take it.

Alfie has agreed to take a DNA test but still believes he's the Dad.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Why Submarines Should Have Headlights

Nuclear submarines from Britain and France collided deep in the Atlantic Ocean authorities said Monday in the first acknowledgment of a highly unusual accident that one expert called the gravest in nearly a decade.

Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause much of a radiation to leak.
Anti-nuclear hippy groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.

France reported on February 6th that one of its submarine had struck a submerged object perhaps a shipping container.

Confirmation of the accident only came after the British media reported it.

France's defense ministry said that the sub Le Triomphant and the HMS Vanguard, the oldest vessel in Britain's nuclear-armed submarine fleet, were on routine a patrol building a secret underwater strike command centre when they collided in the Atlantic this month.

France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome and limped home to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip.

HMS Vanguard returned to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes.

"The two submarines came into contact at very low speed, both commanders exchanged insurance details as is the protocol." Britain's First Sea Lord, Admiral Jonathon Band, said.

HMS Vanguard came into service in 1993, and has a crew of around 140 and typically carries 16 Lockheed Trident D5 missiles.
At least one of Britain's four submarines is on patrol and ready to fire at Russia or Iran any given time.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Texas Fireball

Dallas, Texas, North America. not the place you want to be at the moment as the state is not only swarming with rednecks and zombies now there are invaders from outer space.

What looked like a fireball streaked across the Texas sky on Sunday morning, leading many people to call authorities to report seeing falling debris.

"We don't know what it was," said Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Roland Herwig.

"We don't doubt what people saw" said U.S. Strategic Command spokesman John Foster. "It may have been the sun glinting off some blue ice falling off a jet plane" he added, "nothing going on here and any reports of police radio recordings stating that a UFO has just landed are false."

"There is no correlation between the sighting and debris from the satellite collision," said Maj. Regina Winchester, with STRATCOM.

Harold Punter was driving south into Denton when he saw the fireball: "I could see a dark mass at the front but I couldn't tell what it was, then it did a 90 degree turn and was gone in seconds."

The FAA notified pilots on Saturday to be aware of possible space debris after a collision on Tuesday between U.S. and Russian communication satellites.

The chief of Russia's Mission Control says clouds of debris from the collision will circle Earth for thousands of years and threaten numerous satellites.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

When Satellites Colide

A collision occurred between a US Iridium 33 communications satellite and a defunct Russian Kosmos 2251 military satellite.

America is following the debris path from the impact. It is hoped that most of it will fall to Earth and burn up in the atmosphere.

A Nasa memo said officials determined the risk to be "elevated" but have estimated it as "very small and within acceptable limits".

Luckily only less than a hundred people should die and it should be in the Seberian region so who cares?

Iran who recently launched their own satellite refused to comment.

Speculation Gets News Coverage

Scientists studying the DNA of Neanderthals say they can find no evidence that this ancient species ever interbred with modern humans.

Our closest ancestors may well have been able to speak as well as us, said Prof Svante Paabo from Germany's Max Planck Institute.

The genetics information has been gleaned from fossils found in Croatia. He confirmed that Neanderthals shared the FOXP2 gene associated with speech and language in modern humans.

Comparing the Neanderthal genome, and the human genome he has found genetic regions which make us "uniquely human"

Since Neanderthals lived side by side with modern humans in Europe for many thousands of years, it has been speculated that we may have inherited some Neanderthal DNA in our genome today, thanks to interbreeding Which would explain many bloggers out there today.

Overlooked evidence perhaps?

Professor Paabo's team have found no evidence for interbreeding.

If you can find no evidence then obviously it didn't happen then. No evidence to say that OJ Simpson is a murderer for has been found either.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Simon Says Edna Does

Edna and Simon were married in England back in 2005. Edna is 73 and Simon is 35

The couple met through their love of the organ, oh yeah they both love playing on the organ. Simon is dyslexic and dyspraxic which means hes a clumsy person who has reading difficulties but it turns out hes a master with his organ.

Surprisingly he had never had a girlfriend before he met and married Edna, who has three children, all older than Simon.

Edna tells OBB News that they share "the same passion as a pair of 25-year-olds. We kiss about 150 times a day and not always on the mouth."

Simon admits to being a cross-dresser and Edna says of this
"If he wants to dress up in a green caterpillar suit with pink flip-flops what does it matter? I don't give a monkey's."

The hot couple also stay in bed for marathon sex sessions that last for days. OBB News hope that her hips hold out.

OBB News is in no way responsible for anyone that throws up after reading this story.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Give Us The Blitz Any Day

Cars driving through snow

It could be the end of the world as we know it. Jack-knifed lorries blocking motor-ways, Airport runways shut with significant delays and cancellations, London City Airport closed, trains canceled , buses not in service driving past bus stops, 1,735 traffic incidents over a 24-hour period in the East Midlands alone. Is this the apocalypse? Yes the UK has had snow!