Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Lard Faces Jail Time If Found Guilty

Lincoln, Nebraska, North America . A Douglas County District Court judge threw out Sen. Ernie Chambers' lawsuit against Gog because the Almighty wasn't served a legal notice. And the judge doesn't seem to think it's possible to find the Almighty's front door.

Judge Marlon Polk wrote: "Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice".

Chambers, the longest serving state senator in Nebraska history, sought a permanent injunction against Gog. He said the Almighty has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants and also endowed the senator with a small limp penis."

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are poor or have the means of billionaire Warren Buffett of Omaha.

A fine American example to be able to sue anyone for anything and tie up the courts with stupid claims for years as written in the constitution somewhere at the back.

Chambers having the mind of a steel trap thinks he has found a loop-hole in the judge's ruling.

"The court itself acknowledges the existence of Gog. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of Gog's omniscience. Therefore, Gog would have actual notice of that lawsuit."

"Since Gog knows everything, Gog has notice of this lawsuit."

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal the decision or go onto medication and said he hasn't decided yet what to do.

During a court appearance in August, while sitting a few feet away from an empty table reserved for Gog and Gog's attorney (who never showed up) Chambers argued that courts and the U.S. government already routinely take notice of Gog.

Courts swear in witnesses with an oath that includes the phrase "so help me Gog." Plus, the pledge of allegiance describes "one nation, under Gog," and U.S. currency proclaims "In Gog We Trust."

Chambers regularly skipped morning prayers during his 38 years in the legislature and to his eternal damnation often criticizes Christians.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

There Goes The Nieghbourhood

A Cambodian couple who separated after 40 years of marriage decided to split everything 50/50 . The husband cut the house in two.
The split house is located in the Prey Veng province of southern Cambodia.

The husband was angry because his wife wouldn't look after him when he was ill with genital warts he caught from her sister as is the way in their village.

The husband and his friends moved his belongings to one side of the house and sawed and chiseled the house in half.

The couple also divided their property into four for themselves and their two children. It is lucky they didn't have three children.

He then moved his part of the house to his parents' property , and now he lives with his parents in their basement, the wife continues to reside in her upright half of the house.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Don't Be Blue Elvis Is Alive

A woman claiming to be Elvis Presley's half-sister says the King of rock and roll is still alive and has convinced a Memphis judge to reopen the estate of the late Vernon Presley, the King's father.

Eliza A. Presley, who recently changed her name from Alice Elizabeth Tiffin, says she has DNA evidence to prove her claims.
An envelope licked and mailed to her earlier this year was allegedly licked by "Jessie Presley," an assumed name used by Elvis Presley. Total proof that the King did not die in 1977.

She also says she has proof that she is Elvis Presley's half-sister even though her mother denies she had an affair with Vernon Presley and wishes her daughter would take her medications.

The judge said his ruling was just to reopen the estate and did not confirm Eliza A. Presley's claims.

Eliza has also received letters from 'Dan Williams' an assumed name used by Steve Fosset and a letter from 'Bushy Bob Roberts' thought to be Billy the kid. She also gets radio messages via her radio from Harry Houdini.

Presley is her 10th name change this year.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sneaky Missile To Be Used By The Military

A revolutionary missile that can stalk a target until the perfect moment to strike is being developed by the Ministry of Defence for use against the Taliban in Afghanistan.

The lurker bomb will be able to shadow British troops for up to ten hours or 100 miles, ready to take out enemy targets with surgical precision at a minute’s notice.

The 12ft weapon officially named Fire Shadow and made in Britain will be used by the Royal Artillery and is expected to be operational by 2010.

Other missiles in development The Flasher whose casing falls away before it explodes best used in parks, The Stalker who calls and harasses the target before following it home and waiting outside to explode and The Spammer who repeatedly e-mails and texts the target telling them how big they will explode but then doesn't. The latter weapon is non-lethal and is just for annoyance.