Indian Men Do Not Measure Up

"It's not the size its what you do with it that matters" has been the cry of men with under-developed penis' throughout the ages.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

More than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

India has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation and way too many air wasters as it is so condoms of mixed sizes to fit their little todgers will be made more available.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, by professional penis evaluators down to the last millimetre.

The conclusion of all this scientific willy watching is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told OBB News there was an obvious need in India for smaller condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large especially those supplied by British companies.

Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally the Chinese also have small porkers and they breed like flies too.

OBB News wonders if this is why Indian and Chinese women always look so miserable and dissatisfied.

Cars Of The Future

General Motors Corp. and Segway demonstrated a new type of vehicle that according to them could change the way we move around in cities.

Dubbed Project P.U.M.A. (Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility), GM and Segway are developing an electrically powered, two-seat prototype vehicle that has only two wheels.

It could allow people to travel around cities more quickly, safely, quietly and cleanly - and at a lower total cost and look totally ridiculous at the same time .

We can look at this as a last ditch attempt for GMC before they go out of business or we can look at this as a reason to why they are going out of business.



Remember the C5 built in the UK in 1985? Look how well they have taken off. Its one thing to be environmentally friendly but you don't have to look like a twat while doing it.


I wonder what silly option research and design experts with too much time and money will come up with next.

Its the 21st century and we have already been cheated out of the flying cars we were promised. These ideas are an insult as an alternative.

Polar Bears Have More Logic Than Women

Keepers at the Berlin Zoo were praised for their bravery after they dragged a 32-year-old woman out of a moat inside the polar bear enclosure.

It is thought that the bears used their hypnotic power of cute and cuddly on the woman who climbed over a fence, and a line of prickly hedges too get in.

She suffered serious injuries after being bitten on her arms and legs.

"The woman has proved herself to be careless and retarded by jumping into the enclosure," a police spokesman said afterwards. "Logic tells us that polar bears will do this type of thing in this situation."

The famous hand reared polar bear Knut was in the same enclosure. He was not available for comment.

Racist Or JustTtacky?

Walgreens is ordering the removal of the "Chia Obama" from its stores in Tampa and Chicago, saying the ceramic-plant figure of the chief executive is inappropriate for sale.

Spokesman Robert Elfinger said store managers have the ability to market products of their choice.

But the top brass of the Illinois-based drug chain didn't like what was being sold. "We got some complaints from people that they thought it was racist, " Elfinger said in a telephone interview to OBB News.

"The two white people who complained also demanded the discontinue of Pokemon as it encourages animal violence," Elfinger added.

Watermellon seeds are no longer to be sold in the gardening section either just in case.

Mean Dogs Mean Dogs Whatcha Gonna Do?

Boise, Idaho, North America. No one has broken out of the Idaho State Correctional Institution in more than 20 years.

The reason for the success rate of the prison is the crazed perimeter guards who will rip you apart with their teeth and then hump your leg.

The institution is the only state prison in the U.S. to use sentry dogs . The program began in 1986, 24 mean dogs mostly German shepherds, rottweilers and Belgian malinois, with a few boxers , pit bulls and poodles roam the space between the inner and outer chain-link fences 24 hours a day, ferociously defending their territory.

Get too close to the fence and they will bare their teeth, bark and lunge. Set foot in their space and they will attack.

The animals themselves are former death row inmates dogs that were deemed too dangerous to be pets and would have been destroyed at the local pound if they had not been given a reprieve and assigned to prison duty.

"We're basically giving them a second chance at a good, healthy life with the chance of biting scumbags," said Corrections Officer Michael Amos, who heads the sentry dog program. "Those same instincts that make them a bad pet make them good sentries."

The canines save on manpower and are more reliable during power outages than electrical security systems and more effective in the fog and the dark than the humans posted in the lookout towers. They also seem to scare the crap out of the prisoners.

No one has escaped from the 1,500-inmate medium-security prison since the dogs were brought in. No one has even tried to get past the fences since the early 1990s

Even the dog trainers themselves have been mauled by these guard dogs. Veterinarians dart the dogs when they give them medical attention.

It takes a dirty dog to guard a dirty dog. OBB News salutes, Bingo, Fluffy , Wingnut and others for their continued and valuable service.

A Roof With A View

An 18-year-old man had secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire.

It was there for a year before his parents found out. The young penis obsessed man has been ordered to add a foreskin as his parents are anti-circumcision.

Too Young To Die Too Fat To Live

Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in government benefits.

The Chawners, haven't worked in 11 years, claim their weight is a hereditary condition and the money they receive is insufficient to live on.

So does that mean the couple are related to each other?

Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."The family claim to spend £50 a week on food and consume 3,000 calories each a day.

The recommended maximum intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men.

"We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner," Mrs Chawner told OBB News. She didn't say in what amounts though.

"All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes. Our whole family is overweight, stupidity and good looks are also in our genes," she added.

Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.

Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size. He was on a waiting list for a gastric band last year, but a heart condition made the operation unsuitable.

Their daughter Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers' Allowance each fortnight while Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.

Emma, said: "I'm a student and don't have time to exercise" she said "We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don't know how."

Maybe they shouldn't spend so much time eating. If you really 'wanted' to lose weight you'd do it no ifs or buts.