Germany Invades The Nostrils Of England

In the south of England many people thought that a terrible smell in the air was good enough reason to call 999 and ask the emergency services what the smell was.

Police, fire and water services were at a loss to explain the manure-scented cloud which afflicted great areas of the South.

One American tourist with the 10 gallon cowboy hat on was quick to point out that everything was so small and quaint and that the smell came from the bad English food and that the English are full of s**t.

Soon it became apparent that it was the Germans up to their old tricks no doubt. This might be enough to force us to surrender this time.

Over in rural Germany it is muck-spreading season for farmers wanting to nourish their crops.

In a country where pigs make up most of the livestock and a large part of the sex film industry, there is ample supply of particularly pungent muck to spread.

German weathermen admitted that a change of wind direction had sent the smell, or "der gestank" as they call it, across the North Sea just as the stuff in the fields ripened to stomach-churning levels.

The smell lingered over Windsor Castle just as the Luftwaffe did in the 1940's.

The Queen was home but there has been no complaints from her majesty so far. God has saved the Queen from the Germans yet again.

The south-westerlies bringing clean, unscented air from the Atlantic. But the switch to the east means it has swept across large tracts of Continental agricultural land before reaching British shores.

Air quality expert Geoff Dollard said no unusual pollutants had been detected. "The feeling is that it's natural the organic smell that anyone living in the country will be quite familiar with ," he said.

Hauke Jaacks, a farmer in Rissen, sprayed more than 5,000 gallons of manure onto his 25-acre plot.

"Sorry about the smell," he told his countrymen. "But you have to put up with it. I need the grass to grow to feed my cattle."

At the German Embassy in London nobody was willing to apologise for the smell. Staff had not noticed anything unusual in the air as being German they are probably used to it and pointed out if anyone was looking for another country to blame, the smelly cheese eating French are much nearer.

Knut The Psychopathic Killer

Knut the polar bear that was rejected by his mother and hand raised by zoo handlers even though animal rights activist Frank Albrecht called for its death rather than be treated like a pet has turned into a vicious killer.

The bear whose home is at the Berlin Zoo has been likened to Ted Bundy who had a loving upbringing but still turned into a serial killer.

The Polar bear caught 10 carp from the moat that surrounded him and ripped them to shreds in front of several disgusted zoo patrons.

Knut "senselessly murdered the carp" as reported in one German newspaper. He eventually ate the fish but there has been speculation that hand-reared Knut killed the carp just for fun.

Tyler Cowen, traveler and economics professor and regular contributor to the New York Times said: "Umm... he's a Polar Bear!"

Yes Mr Cowen Knut is indeed a Polar Bear, a Carp murdering Polar Bear to be exact, have we not learned anything from the Holocaust? first its 10 fish and before you know it 6 million are dead, live with that Mr Cowen.

Woman Travels With Old Bag Of Bones

Munich, Germany , A woman was stopped at Munich airport after baggage control handlers found the skeleton of her brother sealed in a plastic bag in her luggage.

The 62-year-old woman and her 63-year-old friend, who both live in Italy, were hauled in by airport police after a scan of the bag showed a human skull and other bones.

The women were traveling to Italy from Brazil. It turned out that the lazy woman was trying to fulfill the last wish of her brother who died 11 years ago in Sao Paulo, Brazil to be buried in Italy so she let him rot until he fitted into the baggy.

The travelers produced the appropriate papers from Brazilian authorities for the transport of skeletons in suitcases , and were allowed to carry on their way to Naples.

Just a normal day in the life of an airport.