Saturday, April 19, 2008

Germany Invades The Nostrils Of England

In the south of England many people thought that a terrible smell in the air was good enough reason to call 999 and ask the emergency services what the smell was.

Police, fire and water services were at a loss to explain the manure-scented cloud which afflicted great areas of the South.

One American tourist with the 10 gallon cowboy hat on was quick to point out that everything was so small and quaint and that the smell came from the bad English food and that the English are full of s**t.

Soon it became apparent that it was the Germans up to their old tricks no doubt. This might be enough to force us to surrender this time.

Over in rural Germany it is muck-spreading season for farmers wanting to nourish their crops.
In a country where pigs make up most of the livestock and a large part of the sex film industry, there is ample supply of particularly pungent muck to spread.

German weathermen admitted that a change of wind direction had sent the smell, or "der gestank" as they call it, across the North Sea just as the stuff in the fields ripened to stomach-churning levels.

The smell lingered over Windsor Castle just as the Luftwaffe did in the 1940's.
The Queen was home but there has been no complaints from her majesty so far. God has saved the Queen from the Germans yet again.

The south-westerlies bringing clean, unscented air from the Atlantic. But the switch to the east means it has swept across large tracts of Continental agricultural land before reaching British shores.

Air quality expert Geoff Dollard said no unusual pollutants had been detected. "The feeling is that it's natural the organic smell that anyone living in the country will be quite familiar with ," he said.

Hauke Jaacks, a farmer in Rissen, sprayed more than 5,000 gallons of manure onto his 25-acre plot.

"Sorry about the smell," he told his countrymen. "But you have to put up with it. I need the grass to grow to feed my cattle."

At the German Embassy in London nobody was willing to apologise for the smell. Staff had not noticed anything unusual in the air as being German they are probably used to it and pointed out if anyone was looking for another country to blame, the smelly cheese eating French are much nearer.

3 comments:

warriorwoman said...

just like a big shit storm.

a foul wind this way comes.

a shitty situation.

what the shit?

just another shitty day in England.

shit happens

Hitler said...

Nothing wrong with a bit of gassing.

The Tall Red Head said...

What a shitty situation to be in. Nothing like the fresh smell of shit to come wafting through the house.