Bush Too Good For Greeting Job

The former US president George W Bush entered a hardware store called Elliott's outlet with his security detail saying "I'm looking for a job", store manager Andrea Bond said.

The owner of the Texas chain made the offer to employ him as a greeter earlier this month in a letter published in a Dallas newspaper.

Bush showing that he still has an unrealistic view of the world decided upon reflection to turn the job down.

Mr Bush spent an hour with his secret service security detail, chatting to customers and doing a little shopping. He bought a chainsaw and some duct tape.

A part-time job that would have given Mr Bush time to look for something better and still have some rent money coming in

The employment package offered parking for his security detail and an employee discount. Mr Bush thinks he can do better in this economic climate.

Mr Bush and his wife Laura moved into their new home in an expensive area of Dallas on Friday. They have kept their ranch at Crawford, Texas.

OBB News hopes that Laura isn't so picky at the jobs she is offered as millions are laid off every day.

Bush Survives Deadly Shoe Attack

Baghdad, Iraq, On trip shrouded in secrecy , President George W. Bush hailed progress in the war that defines his presidency.

Shortly after a journalist for Al-Baghdadia television, an Iraqi-owned station based in Cairo, Egypt tried to assassinate him .

The man hurled two size 10 shoes at him that he had managed to smuggle in past security on his feet.

Muntadar al-Zeidi shouted in Arabic "This is a farewell kiss, you dog!"

Bush using his super fast presidential reflexes ducked both shoes as they whizzed past his head and landed with a thud against the wall behind him.

"The war is not over," Bush said, adding that "it is decisively on it's way to being won."

Nearly 150,000 almost victorious U.S. troops remain in Iraq fighting a war . More than 4,209 members of the U.S. military have died in the conflict, which has cost U.S. taxpayers $576 billion since it began five years and nine months ago. It would have only cost $ 200 billion had another company than Haliburton been hired to supply troops.

"There is still more work to be done," Bush said after his meeting with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, "But its not my problem now so good luck."

It was at that point the journalist stood up and threw a shoe from about 20 feet away. Bush ducked, and it narrowly missed his head. The second shoe came quickly, and Bush ducked again while several Iraqis grabbed the man and dragged him to the floor.

In Iraqi culture, throwing shoes at someone is a sign of contempt. Iraqis whacked a statue of Saddam with their shoes after U.S. marines toppled it to the ground following the 2003 invasion.

White House press secretary Dana Perino suffered an eye injury in the news conference melee. Bush brushed off the incident, comparing it to political protests at home.

"So what if I guy threw his shoe at me?" he said. "A week of water boarding should sort him out."

After the news conference, the president took a 15-minute helicopter ride through dark skies over Baghdad to Camp Victory. Telling hundreds of troops he was "heading into retirement so if you die its not on my watch." Bush blamed Saddam for the 2003 invasion saying, "He was asking for it" and said, "America is safer and more secure" than it was before the war.

The Mellow Mr Putin

U.S. President George Bush walks with Russian President Vladimir Putin at his summer residence in Sochi, Russia, Saturday, April 5, 2008.
It has been revealed that Putin has such a strong dislike of Bush he can only get through their meetings by taking valium and smoking pot otherwise he'd kill him with a strangle hold , said an anonymous source at the Kremlin.

Hamas Puppet Kills Bush

In a Hamas TV production for Palestinian children called "Exceptionals" a puppet stabs U.S. President George Bush to death in revenge for American and Israeli actions.

In the episode, Bush, a hand-held puppet dressed in a green uniform and wearing boxing gloves, is shown talking to a Palestinian child.

The child, with tears in his voice, accuses Bush of killing his father in Iraq, his mother in Lebanon and his brothers and sisters in Gaza with the assistance of the Israelis.

The Islamic Hamas is considered by Israel, the U.S. and EU as a terrorist group.

Hamas charges the U.S. with backing Israeli attacks. The unnamed child tells Bush: "Your are a criminal. You deprived me of everything."

The child says, "I have to take my revenge with this sword of Islam."

Bush, in a panic, pleads for his life. "I repent. Don't kill me."

He invites the child for talks in the White House. But the child counters that the White House has been turned into a mosque, and "impure Bush" can't enter it. Then the child stabs him to death.

Then the child sings a song with the dinosaur of martyrdom about Allah's love and how to be friends.

The Pooka Made Me Do It

US president George Bush reveals that the power behind the throne is not the evil dark lord Cheney but is in fact a Pooka, a Celtic Faery which takes the form of 6 foot tall white rabbit named Harvey.

George Bush Announces Something

US president George Bush appeared on the USS Deathstar
under a banner that read, 'Close Enough For Government Work' on Wednesday to announce that the wars of terror in Afghanistan and Iraq have been an overwhelming success.

According to the 3 Iraqi people they spoke to who now live in Sweden they feel 100% more safe than they did 5 years ago and now have running water and healthcare, things they didn't have under Saddam.

George Bush went on to say: " Its not the winning that matters its the taking part that counts and I believe we took part.
When we invaded Iran and toppled Saddam and destroyed the mythical weapons of most destruction we did a whole heck of good."

When asked about the soldiers still fighting and dying in those wars he said: " You have my word that if we don't falter and stay the course then the etholagisms will render themselves safe."

OBB News believes the president is prone to make up words.