Catchy Tune To Catch New Souls

Yet another PR stunt from the failing Catholic church. To take people's minds of the strict outdated dogma that decides divorcees are worse than murderers.

The numerous worldwide pedophilia charges and subsequent cover ups.

Before was their gimmick was a stellar calendar idea that had young priests telling about their interesting hobbies to encourage people into the priesthood.

Now three Catholic priests from Northern Ireland are getting ready to take the music world by storm after signing a £1m record deal.

Father Eugene O'Hagen, 48, his brother Martin, 45, and David Delargy, 44, all have parishes in the diocese of Down and Connor.

Known as The Priests which says it all really , signed the deal with music giant Sony BMG at London's Westminster Cathedral.

Any money the priests make from the group will be given to charity. I bet its not a Protestant charity.

The group have a special exemption in their contract, which allows them to break off from promotional duties to deal with parish work such as presiding over funerals and teaching children the love of God.

Fr Eugene said that what had happened may be "God's design".

He said that the money that the priests make will go to various charities but "we haven't decided which I like children's charities myself I'm always one to give a child a hand".

"There is a real feeling of excitement and apprehension," he said. Fr Martin said that it was important that the record deal still allowed the men to carry out their parish duties.

"Our work means a great deal to us it beats real jobs," he said.

"We are priests first and foremost just thinking about my work gets me up in the mornings. Our work will be at the heart of our plans and the butt of many a joke ."

Fr David added: "Singing is very much what we do.

"This is bringing it to a wider audience. We are singing sacred music, continuing what we have always been doing."

Fr Eugene said the group's musical tastes were influenced by their religion
"We have very Catholic tastes," he said, adding that he liked Death Metal and Speed Metal.

However, Fr David said his musical taste was slightly more eclectic

"My first ever purchase was Snap - Rhythm is a dancer," he said.

The priests all attended The Seminary in Belfast and concluded their training at the Irish College in Rome, before returning to work in Northern Ireland.

Last year, they just happened to be were heard singing by an Irish pop musician who asked them to make a demo which he took to Sony BMG.

Nick Raphael, managing director of Epic Records, part of Sony BMG, negotiated the signing.

"Their voices are incredible," he said. "I think we've found three uncool middle-aged pop stars, perfect for the Irish market.

"They're going to be wonderful global superstars. The reaction has been incredible, throbbing, huge.

"The quality of their singing is quite scary we just need to get them to thrust their crotches more."

The priests' forthcoming record, which they said is as yet un-named, is planned for release around November time.

Some songs to look forward to are: Our Little Secret, On Your Knees For God's Sake , If This Is A Sin Then Why Do I Feel So Good? and Offer It Up.

Lets not forget Father Michael Cleary also known as 'The Singing Priest' who died in 1993 well-known for his devout Catholic views on sex, divorce and abortion.
And his book about maintaining faith in the modern world.

His housekeeper, Phyllis Hamilton, was his live in lover and mother of his child. Well at least he liked women.




Complaints about this story and any legal letters should go to KnudsenLOL666@yahoo.co.uk

Women Get More Kebab Than They Had Expected

In east Belfast Northern Ireland, Abdelatif Rezk, 26, admitted indecently exposing himself to three women and has been sentenced to prison.

The offences at the women's homes between July 2005 and January 2006. He arrived in Northern Ireland from Egypt in 2004.

One woman told police she recognised him as she is fond of a tasty kebab also it was the same man who served food to her and a friend at a kebab shop just 30 minutes beforehand.

He admitted three charges of indecent exposure and one of attempted exposure and not washing his hands while cooking.

The court heard the first incident happened at a 28-year-old woman's home at about 5am on 25 July 2005.

She heard tapping on the living room window and when she looked out she saw the accused with his trousers open fondling himself.

After a while the woman called for her husband and Rezk fled but he was identified by a DNA sample. The couple had just had their windows cleaned the day before.

A month later, a 26-year old woman heard a bang on the bedroom window of her east Belfast home at about 3am.
She looked outside and saw a man standing with his jeans undone working like a sailor.

She later told police not only had he served himself in her garden but had served her and her friend food a short time earlier. She referred to him as the 'Kebab man.'

On 24 September, a 28-year old woman heard a knock on her living room window at about 6.20am. She had got up with her husband as he left for work, when she was confronted by a man who had his hand on his groin.

She didn't think too much of it as it was east Belfast but as he was dark looking she called the police incase he was a Muslim terrorist.

In the last incident at about 5.15am on 21 January 2006, a woman in her 40s was sitting in her living room watching television.

She noticed car headlights and saw a man walking around outside her house. He stopped in front of her window where he undid his jeans.

The prosecution lawyer said the "shocked and distressed" woman called all her friends, wrote a blog post about it then called the PSNI .

After giving a description of the man and his penis, police called at a house on the Holywood Road in Belfast where Rezk had been staying with his wife and young daughter.

A defence barrister said the accused's wife was "standing by her husband". He also said his client has already served a lengthy period on remand for the charges.

Jailing Rezk, the judge said: "It must have been a matter of great concern to all of these ladies to find themselves with a stranger outside their home in hours of darkness carrying out such an act.

This is Northern Ireland not Egypt we are civilised here, maybe you can learn how to knee-cap and make petrol bombs in prison."

He was given concurrent 16-month sentences for each of the three exposure charges with a concurrent 12-month sentence imposed for the attempted exposure.

Farmer Caught With Illegal Potato

Northern Ireland farmer Joseph Kelly of Kells, pleaded guilty at Ballymena Magistrates Court .

He was charged under the Plant Health Order 2006 with illegally planting potatoes which are not permitted for use as seed.

Mr Kelly received a two year conditional discharge and was ordered to pay £49 costs.

The Department of Agriculture and Rural Development inspects potato crops throughout Northern Ireland to make sure regulations on the planting of seed potatoes are followed.

A spokesman for the dept said:" Evil criminals like Kelly should be strung up for their crimes against potatoes. Its people like him who cook new potatoes as chips (French fries) scum like him disgust me."