Sunday, December 30, 2007

What Do You Do On Your Day Off ?

Twelve Catholic priests have swapped their altar boys and flagellating to be pictured for a calendar designed to recruit young men to the priesthood. Activities, include reading celebrity magazines, watching baseball and DIY, riveting stuff, everything a young man wants?

Each featured priest also talks about what inspired them to join the church and say what they believe they would be doing if they were not a priest.

October priest Father Matthew Hardon, of St Rustin's in Bakefield, says his childhood dream was to be an astronaut and hopes someday to take a group of young boys to Huntsville, Alabama for a 13 day course at Space camp.

Father Simon Lodgecomplaint , of Middolten Grange, Yukley,had the idea for the calendar and reveals in November: "If I weren't a priest I'd be up to no good. Or at least more than I am already!" Which may be a reference to the pedophile and money extortion charges he has been accused of .

Father January is Pat Balls, of Christ the King up the Rimley, who is pictured dressed in a New York Yankees baseball top and cap and wearing a baseball mitt to represent his American nationality. Being American is his top hobby.

Father Balls takes services while wearing a ten gallon cowboy hat and likes to comment on how small everything in the UK is.
Father Eaminn Hogwarty, of the Sacred Heart in Nowden, West Barkshire, is shown coaching a boy's running team known as the Sacred short shorts in February, while March's, Father Neal Boyne, of St Jabob's in Horrowgit, is seen indulging in a copy of celebrity gossip magazine, Heat as he likes the dresses, Vera Wang in his opinion is on equal footing with the Virgin Mary.

Father Boyne is also the prison chaplain at HMP Bealstun, near Wetherup and an avid pole-dancer which he does as an exercise in his own home. He has given in-mates pointers and they have formed their own club that he looks in on every Monday.

Bishop of *Reallytouchyaboutpedosforsomereason*, the Right Reverend Arnold Cockroche, who is featured in 'May' playing a round with the boys on a golf course hopes the calendar will help young men see the human side of the priesthood and not just the perverted child fondling side.

He goes on to say "They come from ordinary families and they have dreams and aspirations as does every young man . They also have worries and concerns. But despite this they offer themselves generously for service in the church forgoing any urges or chances of fun they may normally have ."

Father Darling of West Sussex is shown on the calendar for July dressed in drag and cage fighting, "What young man wouldn't want a life in the priest hood?" he asks as they cut his eye open so he can see. "If I wasn't doing this I'd probably be an arms dealer.

The calendar is on sale at every Catholic church in West Barkshire, priced £4.99. and the proceeds go towards the Middolten Grange Catholic Retreat Centre in Yukley, which provides day and residential retreats for young people where they can relax and interact with members of the priesthood in a safe and secret environment.

Showing the human side of the priesthood it is thought to be a way of undoing the program that Pope John Paul II started and that became his legacy "Every Priest A Pedo Program" that has been criticized by child protection and family groups everywhere and cost the church millions of dollars in lawsuits .

The current Pope Herr Benedict XVI has countered the program with one of his own "No child tight behind" which gives the message that if any priest is caught inferring with a child they shall be excommunicated with extreme prejudice, he refers to it as the "Final solution."

*Names changed to protect the alleged innocent *

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