Bin Laden Message Gives Hope

A new message from Osama Bin Laden has just been released to beat the Christmas rush.

"The American tide is ebbing, so it is best for you to press your leaders to change their policies," Bin Laden said on Al Jazeera television on an audiotape.

"The events of Manhattan were retaliation against the American-Israeli alliance's aggression against our people in Palestine and Lebanon," he said. "I am the only one responsible for it.

The Afghan people and government knew nothing about it. America knows that, the Afghan people are for us to kill and abuse not the west, we tell the Taliban nothing as why would you tell a monkey how to grind an organ?" He said in a particularly revealing part of the message.

"Therefore it is better for you to stand against your leaders who are dropping in on the White House, and to work seriously to lift the injustice against the believers," he said, accusing US forces and their allies of intentionally killing women and children in Afghanistan, even though I obviously support tit for tat killing cos it makes me feel big."

He went on to say, "I shall bravely hide in this cave and send millions to their deaths until it ends the occupation of Afghanistan and Iraq I'm doing this for you ."

In a recent poll in Afghanistan 95% of people voted that accidental death by NATO weapons was far better than Taliban oppression as they were allowed to celebrate weddings and such and now get to watch Big brother on satellite TV.

A CIA spokesman at first denied involvement in the occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan but then corrected himself, " We are glad that Mr Bin Laden is accepting responsibility for the 9/11 attacks as that is a major breakthrough in his psychiatric healing, we also hear he has been calling up all the world leaders and victims of his murder as a part of his 12 step program, this is very encouraging."