Monday, August 11, 2008
Cows Get Hot Beef Injection
Brazilian police arrested a man under suspicion of having raped some 400 cows, which he later killed after sex.
Getulino Ferreira Paraizo, 53, was arrested after a cattleman from Aragoinania, in the heart of Brazil, caught him in the act of allegedly slaying three cows and a calf on his property.
In a statement to the police, Paraizo acknowledged that he was responsible for these crimes and explained that he was sexually abused at 13 by a horse, which led him to have intimate relations with mares and horses, and later with bovines.
Police chief Alvaro Cassio dos Santos said that the suspect manifested having tried consorting with a prostitute during his adolesence, but found it "udderly frustrating" .
The usual suspects for the crime were Satanists performing sacrifices as part of black magic rituals, just so cliched as Satanists are all just posers .
The 400 slain cattle were sold to McDonald's so don't be surprised if you are asked, "would you like therapy with that?"