The Queen Award Hero John Smeaton

Described by British prime minister Gordon Brown as "powerful proof of the character of our country". The 31 year-old John Smeaton has been the talk of the town on both sides of the Atlantic.

When Glasgow Airport was attacked by two crazed Asians who crashed their burning jeep into the entry way of the Airport on 30 th June this year, John Smeaton ran to the aid of a police officer and tackled the terrorists.

Smeaton a life long fan of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee said to the terrorists, " your kung-foo is good but mine is better." Bilal Abdullah received a boot to the gonads and now has three Adam's apples.

After both of the terrorists had been subdued Smeato calmly lit his cigarette off the one that was still smoldering and said the immortal words, " If ya come te Glasgee we'll just set aboot ye." Which means , " If you are a terrorist and travel to Glasgow with the intent on doing harm well shall psychically assault you then have you arrested."

Hailed as a national hero he has his own website and t-shirts that say, "What would Smeato do?" John is ever modest and says, "I did nothing special I just ran in and booted a guy." No Mr Sweaton you gave a nation victory and hope.

He was honoured by American TV news channel CNN at a glitzy tribute gala in New York and received the Everyday Superhero award.

Mingling with stars including Tyra Banks, Glenn Close, Sylvester Stallone, Roger Moore, Marilyn Manson, Harry Connick Jr and the Duchess of York.

The awards ceremony was followed by a two-hour gala with performances by Norah Jones, Mary J Blige and Sheryl Crow. Smeato not having heard of these people spent most of his time outside having a smoke but always on alert for terrorists because even during a smoke break Smeato never lets his guard down.

It has now been revealed that Smeaton will receive the Queen's Gallantry Medal, this award is given to civilians for acts of bravery. Smeaton described getting the award as an "honour and a half".

When I got the letter this morning, I couldn't believe it," he said. "I thought, 'What next?'
"I phoned my dad straight away and he was just bewildered, stunned."
"In no way did I expect this. It's an honour and a half. The ultimate."

Mr Smeaton earned this award and the numerous others he has won since when he came to the aid of a police officer and also tackled one of the suspected terrorists. He then moved injured people away from a burning vehicle which could have exploded.

Smeaton is single but since the attack has had many offers from females including Hollywood stars. Pamela Anderson who cited her lust for Smeaton as the main contribution to the break up of her marriage to Rick Solomon. Famous Lesbian Jodie Foster said she would turn straight for Smeaton and Brad and Angelina want to adopt him.

A Robert Burns like poem thats says it all was posted anonymously on the Smeaton website:

Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots

Oor Johnny walked one day

When he saw a sicht that

troubled him

Far more than he could say...

Now that's no richt wur

Johnny cried

And sallied tae the fray

A left hook and a heid butt

Required tae save the day.

Now listen up Bin Laden

Yir sort's nae wanted here

For imported English radicals

Us Scoatsman huv nae fear.