Monday, February 11, 2008

Pimple Faced Vampire Werewolf On The Prowl

Kristian Allen Carl a 19 year-old man from Pottsville, Pennsylvania convinced himself that he is a Vampire/Werewolf hybrid, probably because of his compulsion to sniff bottoms and pee on trees and his dislike of garlic .

He told told a 15 year-old girl about his amazing hidden side and that it would be a good idea for her to have sex with him. Maybe it was his Dracula like powers of mind control that made her agree to it.

Sgt. James Joos of the Pottsville police was just stunned by the whole story, especially when Carl showed him his canine teeth to prove his story that he was, in fact, a genuine vampire/werewolf. “I let him know that all mammals, including humans, have canine teeth.”

Carl also told police he had a “guardian dragon that protected him from evildoers.” Lets hope he also has a guardian lawyer dragon to protect him from arrest.

The girl told police that she was Carl's girlfriend or rather 'ghoulfriend' and that she was dating him on purpose to be impregnated with his super Vampwolf seed. Carl said that he knew the girl’s age and knew he could get arrested for having sex with her. Kristian Carl remains free on $25,000 unsecured bail for statutory sexual assault and banned from watching the movie 'Underworld' for 5 years.

It is believed that Dr Van Helsing, Buffy and the girl's father all want to slay him in various ways.


frog ponds rock... said...

Oh dear..maybe they were smoking too Pott??
I do like the idea of a guardian dragon though..

probably would be a cow to feed ....

cheers Kim :)

Marie said...

He obviously doesn't know that vampires and werewolves are sworn enemies. In fact intercourse between the two breeds is impossible, as vampires are impotent (not enough blood), and werewolves have barbed penises. He could only have been created in a lab, and then he would have to kill himself.

The Troll said...

There's a lot of inbreeding in that part of PA. The State is number 2 to West Virginia on the Inbreeding Index.

That'd be a good future topic for Knudsen News. Inbreeding by Nation or region. Yemen was number one and "Saudi" Arabia number two last time I checked.

Al Bum said...

I am a wizard like Harry Potter, here touch my wand.

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