Monday, January 7, 2008

Don't Book A Holiday Its The End Of The World....Again.

Founder of The Church of the SubGenius J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.

If you thought you had to 2012 until the end of the world as the Mayans predicted then you may be in for a shock. The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Saturday, July 5, 2008. Don't forget about The True Russian Orthodox Church cult barricaded up in a cave waiting for the end of the world to happen in May, the race is on.

The Church will be holding a religious ceremony in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse if you want to convert before its too late.When it began in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July on X-Day to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by space ships piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.

The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. The organization currently has 100,000 members worldwide.
SubGenius recruitment has been especially popular among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to society, including , blasphemers, pranksters, bloggers, rebels, pedophiles, hackers, pornographers, liberals, geeks, and outcasts.

The Church is seeking underground bands, indie rockers, performance artists, and performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry. Sexual freedom has been an important part of the Church from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of freedom , performance art, music, pornography, and other adult/gerbil forms of entertainment. Certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only and on a don't ask don't tell basis.

Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4th so don't be late or it will be too late. I could not get a comment from them as to why they need money at the end of the world.

Alien and cult expert Old Knudsen was on hand to comment: "I thought I had destroyed the Xists in 1974 when I down-loaded a virus into the Alien Sex Goddesses' systems known as 'Space Syphilis' one of them must of escaped. I think the hairy one with the lisp got away, ugh! she was a right minger. I urge people not to join this dangerous and fraudulent cult, join mine instead.

For two easy payments of $29.99 (the dollar is not what it used to be) you get not one but two Alien Sex Goddesses and for those not into that you can choose between my Fabio and Michael Bolton sex clones both with extra long hair and thick hairy chests."

In the past The Church of the SubGenius has gone up against "The Man" . In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the "Peace Virus." In 1991 the Church was blamed for generating false data about Iraqi oil drilling thus starting the first "Gulf War." When this was confirmed the American and allied forces pulled out prematurely leaving Saddam still in power.

In 2000 a Time magazine poll declared J.R. "Bob" Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century narrowly beating L. Ron Hubbard and Old Knudsen, one of them being a writing genius and the other not so much.

In 2006 a high ranking Church member known as Reverend Mary Magdalen became involved in a legal battle for custody of her son due to her membership in the Church. It has been suggested that Britney Spears must also be in the Church.

1 comment:

Eddie Waring said...

Where does the line start?