Tuesday, January 1, 2008

A Review Of The Only Stories Of 2007 That Really Mattered

Another toy recalled (The Dora and Diego Death Slide) was described by the Chinese as, "Grate flun."

During 2007 the Chinese plot to poison the world was unveiled . Mattel recalls almost 20 million items made in China because of lead paint and tiny magnets. Pet food makers recall more than 360 million cans of pet food from China.

Chinese made lunch boxes given away to promote healthy eating among children are found to contain lead and Vegemite sandwiches, (I'd rather just eat the lead) then there was the toothpaste, children's cold medicine yadda yadda yadda.

Concerned Chinese parents are now buying foreign made toys, "Made in Korea" sounds a lot more safer.

It sure does look tasty.

Jessica Simpson stars in commercials for Pizza Hut's Cheesy Bites pizza, then tells 'Elle' magazine that she's allergic to wheat, tomatoes and cheese. She is also allergic to having intelligence.

On a British Airways flight from New Delhi to London, first-class passenger Paul Trinder wakes up to find the corpse of a woman who had died in the economy cabin in the seat next to him.

Upon complaining, Trinder a frequent flier who logs 200K miles per year with the airline is told he should just "get over it, Old Knudsen would love to wake up and find a dead woman beside him ."

Co-op Funeralcare, a funeral home in Dunfermline, Scotland, says it is investigating reports that employees routinely used the cremated remains of the departed to keep passersby from slipping on icy sidewalks. "There's every chance people living nearby will have walked through the remains," an ex-employee says. "Some of them probably even inhaled them.

"It gives a new meaning to "over my dead body."

In an interview with a British rock magazine, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards admits to snorting his father's ashes, "He was cremated, and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow." A day later Richards denies the incident, explaining, "I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were that tight!" So it was "that" kind of family.

Just one week after unveiling the world's most expensive dessert the $25K Frozen Haute Chocolate New York restaurant Serendipity 3 is shut down for failing its second health inspection in a month.

Inspectors find a live mouse, multiple piles of mouse droppings, fruit flies, houseflies, and more than 100 live cockroaches, ah French cuisine.

A bead toy called Aqua Dots is pulled from stores after scientists discover that the beads contain a chemical that converts into the date-rape drug GHB when ingested. That's all we need children raping each other.

Lawyers representing Procter & Gamble send a 66-page cease-and-desist letter to British sex-toy company Love Honey, demanding that it stop using images of its Oral B electric toothbrushes to promote a product called the Brush Bunny- a rabbit-shaped piece of plastic that slips over the top of an Oral B to turn it into a vibrator.
Well you're just asking for it naming any product "Oral."

Young Comcast customers in New Jersey were surprised when a scheduled showing of Disney Channel's Handy Manny featuring bilingual handyman Manny Garcia and his talking tools is replaced by hard-core pornography. A parent says she will cancel her Comcast subscription just as soon as the NHL playoffs are over. Why does this never happen to me?

Nigerian schoolchildren receive computers from the U.N. One Laptop Per Child program and quickly learn a few things nobody expected such as how to find adult websites and how to store their favorite images on the computers' hard drives. They also find out how much they can sell the computers for.

To test Google's ability to block harmful advertising, Belgian IT security consultant Didier Stevens posts an ad that reads "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" It is accepted by Google and displayed 259,723 times; 409 web surfers actually click on the ad. Whats the problem ? it never infected my computer.

McDonald's launches a "word battle" against the Oxford English Dictionary to amend the definition of McJobs, which the OED currently describes as an "unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects." The goal, according to a company vice president, is to change the citation to "reflect a job that is stimulating, rewarding, and offers skills that last a lifetime."

You can make limp unhealthy burgers along side of dumb teenagers, dealing with idiot customers who ask for a plain burger.............. with only ketchup and onions for a minimum wage FOREVER! yep sounds good sign me up.

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