Out With The Old

You could describe Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, as being mean, ruthless, paranoid, aggressive, ambitious and funny looking but stupid he is not.

Mr Putin who has recently split with his 50 year-old wife Ludmilla is preparing to marry 24-year-old, Alina Kabaeva a gymnast with a penchant for posing semi-naked. She is said to be blessed with 'extreme flexibility' and practically unbeatable when performing 'on the carpet.'

This might go towards explaining why Mr Putin suddenly posed topless for the cameras on a Siberian fishing holiday last summer to impress his new mistress. It was a particular hit among female and gay voters.

Miss Kabaeva has been made an MP and is already the deputy head of the Duma's (Russia's lower parliament) committee on youth affairs.

Known as Putinskie Krasotki - 'Putin's Babes' she was one of a number of young and beautiful Russian dancers and athletes brought into politics with the aim of 'sexing up' his United Russia party.

Ludmilla Putin's talents lie with her tongue, she is cunning in linguistics. She has a degree in Spanish, can speak French and has taught German at Leningrad State University in Putin's home city of St Petersburg.

She will teach in a Gulag if the divorce does not go well.

She married him there in July 1983. At the time of the wedding, Miss Kabaeva, was only two months old.

The Putins have two daughters, Maria and Katja now aged 23 and 21.

Mr Putin will become Prime Minister and chairman of the ruling party, United Russia.

No one in Russia or elsewhere believes that by leaving the office of President he will have relinquished any of his real power and may again become President in another 4 years.